To the Mat

I love a good workout.  I love to feel my muscles work, stretch, and bend.

Sometimes, especially, after being sick or otherwise recovering, pole can be a little too much.

In these times I lean on yoga- this time my love affair seems different.  It started in January- and it was fling-y.  Committing to a mat and practice was asking a lot. My feelings slowly changed from a time filler to a deep love.

Now I treasure my mat time.  I look forward all day to class- get fussy if I miss a class.


Yoga is a workout for my mind- but it is a deeper workout for my mind and spirit.  Learning to feel connection, feeling the sensations of whatever I am doing and surrendering to it.

I am not giving up my pole time- I am just adding mat time too it.  

Septic Shock

I get sick more than the average person.  It is expected for me at this point.  My kidney hates me and it gets infected the way preschoolers get colds. This time was worse though.  This time was scary.  This time I was a little too close to dying.

The Saturday before Easter- I got up- I was in the middle of an asthma flare so I took those meds in addition to my morning meds and then went on with the morning getting the kids ready to go to B's family for an early Easter.

Like a lightening bolt it hit me: I was cold, shaking, sweating, pain, and just sick.

No matter what I did I could not get warm.  I thought it was just an infection but soon I was proved wrong. After vomiting and taking a nap, when I tried to go downstairs I couldn't figure out how to move my hand down the banister.  I couldn't figure out how to go down the stairs.  My brain and my body had a bad connection and it felt like I was moving through jello.

Thank goodness my sister was able to babysit for us, B had to go to the firehouse, and I needed to go to the ER. 

I drove myself to the ER- and that was a shitty idea.  I saw there were dozens of people waiting to get seen and I figured it would be a long wait. 

The triage nurse came and checked me over- my temp was 103, my heart rate too fast, and blood pressure way too low. No waiting for me.

In the ER it was determined that I had septic shock.  A life threatening reaction to an overwhelming infection.  Despite 3 bags of fluid, my blood pressure would not normalize.  Slowly my oxygen saturation started to fall- I was put on oxygen.

My labs showed my kidney was struggling, my liver was struggling and my circulatory system was begging to collapse.

I understood none of this- all I knew was it hurt, and I did not feel good.

Shortly, I was moved to the Intensive Care Unit and pressors were given to get my blood pressure up.

The ICU doc told me in no uncertain terms how sick I was.  I was still in a fog so I had B talk to him. 

Slowly, with the pressors, the antibiotics, and other meds, I started to feel better.  After a few days I was able to maintain my blood pressure without pressors and I was sent to a regular floor. Where again, my doctors made sure I knew that I had had a very very close call.

I had a PICC line placed and am getting antibiotics via IV at home.


More than 50% of people with septic shock die.  Once you have septic shock you are more likely to experience it again.  It can take 18 months to fully recover from this.

So I am very thankful that the doctors and nurses at the hospital caught how sick I was, I didn't- I thought it was just a regular infection,

I took these pictures, but I don't remember taking all of them.