Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Just sitting her on an amazingly fantastic spring night. Where you can taste summer. Sunscreen scent lingers in the air mingled with charcoal barbecue.

I sit down to check my email after a crazy day of zoo's and parks and bikes and am greeted with an incredibly sweet message from my pole dancing instructor. That kind of validation especially for someone with my history is enough to make me want to hug her.

There are not enough things I can say about Tease, pole dancing, or Karyn. In 8 weeks it has changed me...wait-- no not changed me-- but helped me find me. Helped me connect physical, emotional, spiritual... helped me learn to listen to myself... just helped. So thank you, Karyn.. Thank you, Tease.

One pretty fantastic part about it is that you get to know the ladies pretty well in your class. You cheer for them you back them up... you form more friendships. And wow. All of the women in my class are so special and so amazing. Thank you for backing me up.

You think I am done yet??? yeah, no.

I am just so thankful for the amazing blessings that I have in my life that I feel I overlook all to often.

Dreams... Nightmares... and other night-time fun

Last night I never actually got into bed. I was exhausted I sat down to catch up on emails and the next thing I knew Pixie was telling me her tank was on 'E' and she needed a fill up.

After feeding her she and I fell asleep together in the chair her snuggled on my chest. I woke up when she was dreaming... She was smiling and making sweet baby noises in her sleep, kicking her feet and doing other amazingly cute baby things.

I could not stand to wake her. She was so adorable. So I held her and watched her...listened to her voice and smelled her sweet baby smell.

Soon enough I fell asleep too; instead of having a sweet dream I had a very unsettling nightmare. I woke up sweaty and unsettled. So much of it was so real and it was about one of my worst fears. Seeing it in such a realistic way did nothing to allay that fear- it just made it worse.

It is supposed to be such a beautiful day. I hope I can shake off the dream and enjoy it.

Lonely Fish

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I tried. Poor fish or maybe he likes it that way.

We (all four kids and I) went on an excursion to the dog food store as we had run of dog food and the dogs were beginning to look at the off we went.

In an effort to encourage good behavior from the kids I took them to look at fish and of course got suckered into buying a few. They were on sale.. so I figured what the heck.

One was a Bala Shark- it lived all of a day. Stinky found he deceased scaly friend at the bottom of the tank and cried. Heartily. We said a prayer for him and thanked G-d for bringing him into our lives for a day. Later that evening we returned the dead Bala to the store for a new one- who also died- he has not been found by Stinky yet.

We also got four red fish with black tails. They lasted a bit longer- three have died leaving one alive.

I am about ready to give up on all fish except the feeder fish that are all of a dime yet seem to survive hostile environments pretty well. Uncle Joe has survived despite unbelievable odds to the contrary. He is happily swimming in his tank now--- just enjoying the diver and the bubbles.

Maybe he is just a loner.

Did I Tick You Off??

If I offend you or you want to ask me questions about things that I have not shared on here email me at almostsinglemom(at)makingitfun(dot)net.

If there is something I have not talked about here- there is probably a reason and I would probably be happy to talk to you about it personally.

If I offend you- I am sorry- typically- I do not mean to offend anyone- but I have opinions.. everyone does- I try and express them respectfully, however as I am human, I can mess up- if I do and you are offended email me at the above address to let me know...

Lap Dancing Now??

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Tease was offering a one time lap dancing class. Thinking, "what the heck I am already pole dancing," I pretty much forced my friend into going with me to this thing. Seriously, she did not have a choice.

30 women in a room, with wine, scantily clad, learning a sexy dance that involves tying up the lap dancee, grinding, removing clothes, and opening a candy shop- a man's dream right?

There is no way to describe it. The group was quite diverse- some Tease students and some friends or sisters of Tease ladies..twenties to forties...thin, athletic, full figured- and they all were amazingly hot and sexy- learning to find their own sexiness and work that, not trying to be someone they are not.

We all cheered each other on- yelling for each other complimenting each other even the shiest girl got into it. We all started with a bit of hesitation and became bolder as we received encouragement from the other ladies. It was fantastic. So empowering.

Our instructor Care was so funny and an amazing dancer. She claims that she is klutzy like me but I am not sure I believe her. She explained the steps so that everyone could get it. Hip figure eights be came ice cream sundaes the rocking cat became a new way of cleaning the floor. She cheered us on and made the dance look so easy and effortless yet sexy.

A woman in the class phrased it very well it is about your attitude. The class boosted my confidence again. Finding a place that makes you feel safe and sexy and improves your self image is a gift.

Dental Drama

Friday, March 26, 2010

I have had four wisdom teeth removed, six crowns, and one broken tooth (thanks E), but never in all of my life have I had cavities- until now. I have 2 or 3- I don't remember- I am too traumatized to remember.

Last week when I got my permanent crown put on I had two filled. Compared to the crown stuff cavity filling is supposed to be a breeze. I disagree- strenuously.

First this thing went on the back of my tooth that looked like a medieval torture device- it did not hurt to quote the dentist, "it hugs my tooth" more scary than anything. Then this plastic rubbery thing went on somehow to "keep my tooth dry" or terrify me- which ever. I was hyperventilating and all tensed- even on a full milligram of Xanax.

Next, the topical to numb me a little to dull the injection of Novocaine. It tasted awful, not that it was designed for dining pleasure but yuck! It also did not do much in my opinion to dull anything. A needle in your mouth is a needle in your mouth. It pinches. It is not pleasant. Worst of all is I do not numb well. It takes a lot to numb me and it does not last long.

After waiting for numbing to kick in the drilling started. That high pitched whine will haunt me in my sleep. To see bits of tooth flying up over the blue rubber thing clamped in your mouth with the medieval torture device so closing up is not even an option, is well yuck.

I had no idea that there were two types of drills used. The high pitched one that sends chills up my spine and the lower pitched one that vibrates more- I preferred that one. I am told that I am totally insane for preferring that one- but it bothered me less. Despite the Novocaine- I still felt it. It was undoubtedly not as intense as it would have been but the sensation was totally odd- something that I can not put words to.

The filling part was not so bad. By that time though, I had tears welling, not entirely because of pain- but fear. I totally understand that this is not a reflection of poor dentistry but a reflection of my high-strung nature. My dentist was very calm and very reassuring..comforting even. I have no complaints about him.
My reaction was just kind of comical.

So I had my teeth filled. It has renewed my dedication to dental hygiene.

Meet My Rabid Baby

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pixie has started teething or chewing on things (depending on your opinion)... She is in the, "give me your hand let me gnaw on your knuckle for a while" stage. Which is kind of funny, given she is not entirely confident in how her hands operate yet.

If you know me you know I wear my babies- a lot. One particular day I had Pixie in a ring sling and she was striving so hard to get her gums on the rings. They are hard- they are cold and they are smooth- what teething (or chewing) baby would not love them to excess? In her desperation to gobble up these rings she was kind of drooling (which looked like foam) and making guttural grunting growling sounds. Which leads me to the title of this post.

She looked and sounded like a rabid baby- but very very cute.

I LOVE pole dancing

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

But you already know that right???

I did not blog last week about pole dancing- I got side tracked with all sorts of medical things and well just day to day life.

That is not to say that I did not adore my time dancing. I did- just as I did tonight.

It is really time to let things go. Feel safe. Have fun. It is more my time than any other time. It is more my time than taking a bath or a run or anything else.

As mentioned the first bit of class is meditation/stretching which I find fantastic- especially after a long day with no sleep.

Karyn is my instructor and she is fantastic at getting you to calm down. To feel tension leave oddly without feeling like a lump on the floor- instead awakening a part of you that is- for me at least- buried under the mountain of laundry in my basement.

When it is time to begin the dancing part it is is a whole other level of fun. Something that I look forward to the second I leave the studio. I see the poles in the playground and consider practicing some of the tricks on them but usually decide against it. Part of the pole dancing trick part that I am having fun with is learning to trust yourself and learning to trust your body and listen to it.

One of the best parts is the cheering and the whooping and hollering that goes on. When you get something new your class cheers-

Another instructor is also fantastic at it. She will walk into a studio and just let it go cheering the class- encouraging us, reminding us that we are 'gorgeous'- which is such an amazing feeling. Like a super super amazing feeling. If I could get her to come to my house and follow me around with her encouraging whoops- it would be amazing- I think I would be so much more productive I had someone following me around like that and it would be fun! Maybe I would not put off doing laundry or emptying the dishwasher so much if I had someone like that.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

I had the opportunity to meet a miracle yesterday.

Miracles come in all kinds of packages. This miracle came in a small red-headed package. He was sweet and rambunctious; just like a two year old boy should be.

He was like my babies born too soon. He is here- he is perfect- he is loved.

Because of research done by so many brilliant doctors and the care of nurses and his parents and family he was here to enjoy his second birthday with lots of the people who love and cherish him.

All of it is miraculous. Thank you for allowing my family to meet your miracle!

Curve Balls

Friday, March 19, 2010

Life likes to throw them at me. A lot.

I am tired of them. I could use a nice slow one, dead center, that I could easily knock out of the park. My life is never so simple.

What has happened now? I had a visit with a hematologist/oncologist today. Any oncology visit is is unnerving.

But since my eye issues were caused by a clot and I had some blood tests that were way outside of normal a hem/onc visit was in order. Yay.

A lot of issues in my life are making more sense because of what has been revealed because of all of this. Why all of my babies were preemie, why had so many miscarriages, and why my eye is all screwed up. It could have been a lot lot lot worse. Like dead worse. So I'll take it. While my current issues (hyper-coagulation and migraine with aura) but me at a significantly higher risk of stroke or DVT it can be managed. I did not find out about these issues because I had a stroke and can't walk or talk or think; I found out because my kids broke my glasses. Which is a blessing.

I can be on the look out for signs of things more serious that I may have brushed off before- I have more of a reason than ever to be active (as that reduces that likelihood of clots)- I can have a glass of wine and not feel bad- also reduces blood clot risks.

So here I am. I have medical issues- but I also have a great support system and help to manage them. I will go on with my life- living it and loving it. I will continue to be thankful that I found out about these things this way instead of someway much more tragic.

Lots of new things

Thursday, March 18, 2010

This has been a year of firsts. It seems like 'firsts' never stop.

I have apparently and unconsciously started to reclaim myself or maybe trying to figure out just who I am exactly.

I have been blessed with so many amazingly talented friends.

One woman whom I have talked about before is a photographer. She does boudoir pictures- or as I call them simply 'sexy pics'. They are not trashy- they are tasteful.

She suggested I do this as a way to become more comfortable with myself and improve my body image- and feel feminine again.

At first I thought, 'well great but what do I wear? mom clothes are far from sexy- and my granny panties with holes wouldn't exactly make me feel all hot'. I went shopping. For myself- yes of course I still got stuff for the kids- but I also got stuff for me- sexy stuff- non mom stuff.

The results? Fantastic. I did learn that it is hard to not laugh when doing this with a friend- that I blink slowly- that not chatting is darn near impossible.

Let me know what you think!

I highly recommend doing this- for you. Jenni can be reached at Lion's Roar Media

I think I am done

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

today I picked up princess from her class same as always. She was excited to see us and ran out of the building fast as lightening. I needed to get a new bandage for the skin that is missing on my hand so I was waiting there for one and as she ran by I called to her to go to the playground. She did not hear me.

When I was finished putting the bandage on and walked to the playground expecting that she is in the jungle gym with her friends. She wasn't; after a few minutes and I did not see her at all I was getting a little nervous. I walked around the playground looking for her- no where to be seen. My pulse started to quicken, I started to sweat. I asked a few of the kids if they had seen her- no one had- I started to shake. Thoughts started going through my mind that no mother should think: what if she was taken, hit by a car, lost? What was I supposed to do? I had three other children with me and no car which would slow my progress when looking for her-and I did not bring my cell- impeding my ability to communicate. Should I walk our route home and see if she was on it? Should I call 911? What is the appropriate course of action?? There is NOT a handbook for this!

My heart was pounding one of the mothers who I count as my friends ran down to the end of the street to see if she was there- and if she was bring her back.

By this time Stinky and Peas had noticed things were abnormal. Stinky had also noticed the absence of his sister- which concerned him. His blue eyes were beginning to well with tears and his nose run.

I was actively trying to stay calm- as each second passed it was becoming harder and harder. The likelihood was that Princess had just run down ahead of me- typically I do not mind if she runs ahead as long as I know where she is going.

Soon I saw a little person dressed in hot pink talking to a grown-up about a block down. Because of my vision issues I couldn't see if they were coming- or standing still- or really other than the fact that there was a kid in pink (I hoped).

So what happened? She was down the road. The other mom brought her back and as soon as I could make out for sure that the little pink person was Princess I finally exhaled- and started towards her as fast as I could with Pixie strapped to me. I knelt as she ran towards me- and I hugged her- and cried. Finally able to breathe. I do not think I realized how scared I was or how much I love my children.

I was not the only one scared. She was terrified too. She couldn't see me. She did not know where I was. She was embarrassed that other mothers were looking for her. The other mothers who helped me were terrified to- when I child is missing- even just around the corner for a moment it is easy to put yourself in there place.

The good? The other mothers were fantastic. Offers to drive around looking for her, offers to call 911, helping me figure out what to do- or just doing it because I couldn't think.

Other good? The town's police force is out enforce in the afternoon.

Other good? She took the same way home we always take.

More good? The neighbors know her.

Even more good? She is fine. We are all fine.

She has never been so scared. I have never been so scared. While the mothers and I let our collective heart-rates drop back to normal she stayed glued to my side scared- needing the safe place of Mama. I needed her too.

We all learned somethings from this. We have a more detailed 'plan' if something should happen again.

It is a gift.. it is a gift

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

That is how I am trying to look at my eye issues.

I got some blood work results back. They were not reassuring. I have a protein c deficiency as well as a antithrombin deficiency. My levels were approximately half of what they are supposed to be. Which makes me a stroke waiting to happen. A PE waiting to happen. Neither of those has happened yet. Just an eye issue.

These deficiencies are seen in a few things, genetics, pregnancy, birth control, acute promyelocytic leukemia, nephrotic syndrome, heart issues (ASD and VSD)...some of these are applicable to me. Some may be. Don't know yet.

What I do know- I am overwhelmed- I am scared. This is not news I wanted to get. I have to meet with more specialists to determine why- to get a course of action.


Monday, March 15, 2010

How come I can think of all sorts of things I would love to write about when doing the laundry, running around, walking the dogs {insert random household chore here} but when I sit down to actually write I am filled with a sense of, "ummmmmm what did I want to say???" to that end why is it that on the off chance I can remember what I wanted to say I cannot recall WHAT I wanted to say about it- or it does not sound nearly as good as I thought it did.

In an effort to stop that feeling I made a word document entitled "topics", I was really thinking wasn't I? well it is great if I happen to be sitting at my computer- then well why should I not just open up a browser window and write it- see the issue? Well then if I physically write things down then I have to a) have something to write with and on b) be able to read it later c) be able to find it later any or all of which can be an issue.

So what am I to do???

Giveaway update

I have emailed the winner! Can't wait to see if she loves Rescue Remedy as much as I do!

Our paths split then, oddly, met up again

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I had a friend in grade school who I rode horses with. We lived in the same town and had a lot of the same interests- mainly horses. She moved to a suburb about an hour away a few years into our friendship. As a lot of childhood friends- we lost touch.

Enter a social networking site. I searched for people from my past- and she was one of my first because, well, I could spell her name. She popped up. She had changed a lot she was not the gangly 13 year old girl with whom I hung out at the stable. She was hot (I say this in a total straight way). In a way she was doing what I could picture her doing. She was always great at fashion/hair/make up stuff- she had an amazing ability to create a 'look' that matched how you felt inside.

Recently she took a giant step. She opened her own salon. I was thrilled for her. She is so talented and a place of her own in which she could do what she felt appropriate is just perfect for her.

I met up with her yesterday to get my hair cut from my mom mop into something else- anything else.

To be honest I was afraid I would not know her anymore- she looked so glamorous- and I look so momish. Of course it was not helped by a sleepless night before so I looked a little like hell. I met her and despite her amazing photos- she is just the same. An amazing sweet woman who has a passion for making other women feel good about themselves.

Our paths split in middle school and we took very different ways on our journeys through life- mine with kids and a house and trappings that are so typical so boring and her journey that has led her through the worlds of fashion and style; we had some odd similarities, we had on almost identical boots- yes really- and we had nose rings. It was so odd.

She cut and colored my hair with the request to please make me not look so suburban mom-ish. She did it. Fantastically.

I can't wait to hear more about her life and her. I am so proud of her.

If you need a hair cut/color or style advice give her a call at studio62- you will be really happy you did.

and you thought I was done complaining about my eye!

Friday, March 12, 2010

How little you know me.

My eyes! My right eye still has pretty pathetic vision if it can be called vision at all. But my super duper strong left eye makes up for a lot of it and takes on a lot of my weak eye's work load.

I can tell when my eyes get tired though because it gets harder to see. When my left eye gets tired my ability to focus goes as does my depth perception.

It is hard to drive at night with the glare with headlights. Especially when my eyes are tired.

I feel like my vision is that of an older (significantly older) person and there is a whole lot of nothing I can do about it, it just is.

My aching mouth

Those dentist chairs are surprisingly comfy. I have gotten to spend a bit of time in them the past week. Yesterday, I darn near fell asleep in one.

Last autumn I broke a crown- I had to have it temporarily repaired- then Monday I went to the dentist to get the new permanent one made and and a new temporary as well as a cleaning and general mouth hygiene overhaul.

The dentist we go to is 2 hours away. I know there are several dentists with in walking distance of our home but our dentist is fantastic. So we try and schedule as much for the one day as we can. This time it was the entire afternoon. Princess was fantastic- she takes her oral health very seriously. The kid flosses like 4 times a day.

Stinky- well- he is not quite so diligent but he is young yet- he does love the tooth brushing.

Peas just took a ride in the chair and would not let anyone peer into her mouth. Which is apparently painful as she is getting more teeth (I am beginning to think she is part shark with the amount of teething she has done).

The first appointment was fine. We got home went to bed my mouth was sore. Got through the next day- and I swallowed my temporary crown overnight. whoops.

It was quiet around here until I got back to the dentist yesterday to get a new temporary. Thankfully I got a new temporary and can now get back to parenting the kids.

Half Way There

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Tuesday was my fourth pole dancing class- half way there- through the first session at least.

I was late for class- whoops. I dislike being late. It makes me a bit nuts.

What did I learn for being late? I do not have time to center myself during the meditation part. I did not realize how much I like that part until I missed some of it. I will be on time in the future.

It had only been two days since my previous class- my make up class- I was still mildly sore from the previous session. As I bent and stretched I was able to feel my blood move through my sore muscles and almost massage away some of the soreness and some of the tension. My muscles warmed with the movement I was able to stretch deeper move more freely.

When pole practice started it was like hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends- not an exercise class. We laughed and chatted and swung around the pole. We cheered each other on and offered advice on how to make our tricks better. Feeling supported and safe is such a strange and foreign feeling for me. I like it. If I could afford more than one class a session I would sign up for it in a heartbeat. Heck if I didn't have to leave I wouldn't.

I did notice a very very very strange thing- for me- before class I ate- I rarely eat before working out- but I did. During class I did not catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think about the wumples and bulges in places I would prefer them not to be. I caught a glimpse of myself and for the FIRST time that I can remember was content with what I saw.

I saw past the belly and the bum- I saw how strong my arms are getting- I saw what my body does and that was pretty cool.

March Giveaway

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

If I could buy it in gallons I would. It is a miracle in a bottle. It does not make you look younger but it makes things seem better.

Rescue Remedy. The website refers to it as "Yoga in a bottle".

I have talked about it before in the sense that it either has one heck of a placebo effect or it works wonderfully.

So I am going to give away a bottle of it. How to enter?? leave me a comment and tell me what you do when stressed to deal with it. Want another entry? Facebook it and tell me you did. Even more? tweet it- and tell me you did!

On Sunday March, 14th I will use to pick a comment number.

Please note ***if you do not have contact info with your blogger profile- please email me at to leave me your contact info so I can let you know if you won!****

a little family history lesson

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

this weekend I went to B's parents house with the kids. His mother's father-Papa Police- loves seeing the kids and comes over to visit whenever we are there.. This time when we saw him in addition to the treats he brought the kids he showed a bunch of photographs from his time in the Pacific during World War II. Admittedly- I know very very little about the war in the Pacific but I was still completely taken with the images, the stories, and the history.

Papa Police witnessed the flag being raised on Iwo Jima- and has photos from there. He has photos from Japan and Hawaii, as well as photos of his ship. He also has pictures of the armistice signing.

Can you imagine? Being there to witness all of that history? All of those events that changed history? He literally saw history being made.

The photographs and news clippings should be archived and preserved somehow- I just don't know how. His experiences I would love to record for my children so they can read or listen to a first hand account of all of this. That personal view on world history all too often gets lost with generations. I would love to have them remember all of the contributions that were made on an individual basis. I would love to hear more about his personal experiences and personal story. It is part of who the kids are.


Sunday, March 7, 2010

Did you notice my lack of pole dancing blog post from this week? You didn't? Well I was too sick to go dance this week. But Tease has a make up policy that allows students to make up a class if they miss- because guess what? They understand that life gets in the way!!`

Arrive. Stressed. Just in time. Shoulders tense. Jaw clenched. I walk quickly ignoring the surroundings.

Enter. Strip off my day. Pull of tights, boots, sweater.

See classmates- even though I am in a make up session- I felt welcomed.

Stretch. Realize just how tensed I am. When Kristin asked us to stretch out and tense and then melt into the mat- I relax my jaw for the first time in what feels like days. Slowly, I begin to calm- not realizing the anxiety in my body. Again, Kristin has some uncanny sense as to what I was thinking and feeling.

She told us to let the 'wild erotic woman' inside us out. The woman who is not self conscious- who does not have room for self doubt- who moves her body how SHE wants to. She encouraged us to even name her if it made us feel more comfortable- and at least for me it did- her name is Saoirse- in case you are wondering. She reminded us to slow down- to get the full depth of the movement.

We were encouraged to notice our physical selves connecting to our emotional selves and to bridge that gap. To let go of things that were going to happen later or had happened earlier. With that I realized that I live my life like a chess game- planning, strategically planning three steps ahead. Letting that go will be a challenge.

It was enjoyable to use my muscles. To feel them work. Strengthening- stretching enjoying the sensation of that. I am stronger than I thought. Physically. I am stronger than I thought physically.

When it was time to dance and learn new tricks I was self conscious and nervous. Learning to let go will be very very hard. When we started our routine it was difficult again to let things loose. I am by nature very jerky- very- nervous- very tense. I do not let the movement go... it is too fast- like I am racing against some internal thing to finish the movement without enjoying the completion and the sensation involved. I will work on that. But I always feel like I am doing it wrong...or I look foolish.

No one has ever been anything less than amazingly supportive and fantastic though. I have started to look forward to these classes like I used to look forward to vacations- maybe it is my mini vacation. My time. Not mama, just me- but I have been lost for so long that this getting reacquainted with myself is proving to be a pretty interesting thing!


Saturday, March 6, 2010

Like a lot of women, Chicago weather can be a tease.

It is March. Meteorological spring is around the corner- about fourteen days away. It has snowed well past the beginning of 'Spring' here and sometimes the temperatures do not get very warm until mid-June; it also can be 90 in May so you never know what you are going to get.

This week was our first sample of Spring-ish weather. Snow has begun to melt and make fantastic mud to play in. The kids no longer need 4 layers to play outside. Bikes and scooters can be ridden without wiping out on ice. All great things.

The first day that it was above 35 degrees, I decided to take Aurora for a run, yes I was still battling the stomach virus from hell- but it was NICE out; it may not be nice out for another month! As I ran along jumping over puddles of standing water and some remaining snow on our path I noticed the one sure sign that Spring has arrived in suburban Chicago: a man standing in his front yard in a small space of grass from which the now had melted practicing his golf swing sans a jacket. We waste no time here. On my run I also noted a man washing his car- outside as well as smelled the wonderful smell of grilling. It may be 35 degrees here but that is a heat wave! We waste no time here in Chicago.

Their Skin Is Painfully Soft.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I have been sick- well we all have been sick- I am digging us slowly out of the mass of laundry and 7-up bottles around the house; I wanted to post this a few days ago when we were in the thick of it but never got around to it. I was to afraid to vomit on the computer.

When they get sick my children are extra snuggly- you may find yourself saying, "how can they get more snuggly" especially if you know them- they are very tactile people- but they are.

I found myself rubbing tummies and backs- stroking cheeks and hair almost every minute of the day. Touch- affectionate touch- is nurturing, reassuring, calming, healing. As I sat in bed with Stinky and ran my hands around his face sofly- gently- "shh-ing him" back to sleep I noticed how smooth and soft his skin was. When does that perfect baby skin change?

Later in the evening Peas called me. I snuggled next to her- she curled herself around me like a hat twisted my hair around her fingers and placed my hand on her tummy- as a 'subtle' hint to rub. I did. Again I was struck at how amazingly soft her skin is. It is perfect it is untouched, unmessed with.

Just they way they are. Princess's skin is just as smooth now glowing with happiness and joy- I wish I could keep them that way- unmessed with, perfect innocence. I wish I could always be able to calm them and soothe them with a touch, a caress, or soft 'shh-ing'.

I caved

Thursday, March 4, 2010

After I ran that give away of the ring- I could not stop thinking about how pretty they are so I caved and ordered one for myself. It came the other day. It is soooo pretty! I love it. LOVE IT. It is just enough it makes a statement but is not screaming the statement. he best part is I can make it small enough to fir my freakishly small fingers.

The winner emailed me to tell me that her ring is even prettier in person. Yay!

I am planning when I can go back and take a linking class and a wire crochet class.

If you want a handmade in Galena ring visit her Etsy shop!

Without further ado---- my ring:

Silver Surfer:

She must have looked at the calender

Monday, March 1, 2010

Because Peas is no longer the smiley, happy, little girl she is a two year old: G-d's answer for birth control.

This is not to say I do not still love my girl- just that she is frustrating and loud sometimes frustratingly loud.

Two years old is a tough age for everyone. The child as a burgeoning sense of independence and a a desire for autonomy but is yet unable to do all of the things she would like to do- this leads to intense frustration. The parent is also frustrated (and often aggravated) because the little one who last week was content to do what is asked now runs the other direction screaming loudly. In between bids for independence Peas has intense holding and touching needs. She needs to reconnect with me- her home base- where she can feel safe and loved. Sometimes these needs for connection come at very inconvenient times; she however does not see it that way.

Life with a two year old Peas has been hysterical, tragic, frustrating, but I could not imagine my life or my family with out her.

Her sense of humor is developing and getting more sophisticated (in two year old world). She wants to learn about EVERYTHING. She wants to test EVERY LIMIT.
If we are walking and there is a puddle- she will splash in it complete with high pitched shrieks of joy. She likes to do thing 'masewlf' and 'NOOOOOOO' is a common word.

Peas wants to run with the big kids but have me there just in case she gets intimidated or her feelings get hurt. She gets so aggravated when she cannot do what the others are doing- but she does try with a passion.