Showing posts with label kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kindness. Show all posts

A time to be sad--- and happy.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

It was the end of year picnic for Pixie's preschool. It is also the last year this particular preschool will be open.

This preschool is heavenly.  It is a caring environment, the children were the focus, their blossoming into caring compassionate people with a love of investigation and learning.  The children were not forced or coerced into learning they were inspired to- by exploring.  Their hearts and souls were treasured.

This is the place were I met treasured friends who got me through some truly amazing people who I am honored to call my friends.  They have prayed for me, cared for me, and just been amazing.

The school had been open for more than 40 years serving many generations of children in the area with the same child centered loving environment- and this year they closed their doors.

At the end of year the picnic is a great time to say goodbye to friends and look forward to the next year.  There is no next year.  This is the last time my kids will run in the field.  Play on the climber. Go into the school.  Hug their teacher.

There will be no more children nurtured by the loving teachers. For a while it was just as fun as any end of year picnic, until it dawned on me.... this is it.  Its over.

I cried- took lots of photos. I will miss this place so very much.  It is irreplaceable.

You don't have to like everyone, but you have to be nice.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Or do you?

There seem to be a few different schools of thought on this.  On person in particular comes to mind.  Given the fact that s/he is in his/her mid to late twenties and will be stuck interacting for the foreseeable future- I would expect politeness.  To be honest, I am not this persons biggest fan either but I refuse to be anything less than nice.

To be honest, this person has hurt me a lot.  I am not saying I am blameless.  It has been more than 10 years since I acted like an idiot though- and I have apologized and totally changed my behavior. I don't even feel like I can tell anyone who this person is without causing more drama than may be worth it. I just wish someone would see how this person acts and address it- without me having to be involved (yes-  I know this is totally ridiculous.)

So what do you do when some people just refuse to be have like adults? Short of sinking to their level What is the best option? I could 'get even' but I don't want to.  Whats the point? Then we have 2 people acting like idiots.

As it stands I am very hesitant to allow my children or myself around this individual, but short of directly saying "your acting like a nutcase I don't want to be around you, and I don't want you around my kids?" what is there too do?

There needs to be a flow chart for this.

Don't tell me to calm down

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I have anxiety.  At times it can feel crippling.  Having someone tell me to calm down is like pouring gasoline on a fire: it does no good- and actually makes it worse. If  'calming down' was that easy don't you think I'd do it?? Would you tell someone having a heart attack to just stop? No?  (I certainly hope not, at least.) Then don't tell me to calm down.

Its insulting to be told that- as if I had some choice in the matter.  Anxiety is not something that I can schedule.  It just is.

Another thing not to do-- for the love of all that is holy- do not try and surprise or scar me.  I may surprise you by hitting you.

Family can come from the heart

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

I have a great family.

One of the biggest lessons that I have learned in the past 4 years is that family rarely is limited to genetics.

Family means people who love and support each other- that can mean watching kids, helping around the house, laughing, hand holding whatever.

My family (biological and not) is amazing.  They have carried me, watched my kids, made dinner, cleaned my house, cheered me up, urged me on, and kept me going for the last 4 years I can never repay them.

The thing is I don't have to repay them.  I will be there for them when the need it and I will teach my kids that it is a privilege to be in a position to help someone else.  It is an honor and a privilege to help someone when they need it.  Our job is to serve and help others.

My family includes friends, neighbors, biological family, and even pets (really animals are some of the best therapists in the world)- the more the merrier.

I am truly thankful for each of them being in my life.

Learn from your mistakes.

Friday, December 20, 2013

When I was a kid and I would mess up I would get yelled at for it, and feel so awful.  I was ashamed, embarrassed, sad--- all sorts of things.  To the point that when I made a mistake I would hide it so no one would be mad at me. 

I was responsible for something, and while it was my responsibility, I lost it. I was terrified of 'fessing up to what I did.  What if the other person was livid? What do I do?

After texting a friend and losing my shit, I called and explained what happened.  The individual- was kind and understanding. I was shocked. I was so used to the blow up, shame, begging for forgiveness.

I would rather have my kids learn this way than feeling afraid to tell me something.  If I was not afraid to tell people things, I could save myself a lot of trouble. 

Share the love

Saturday, September 14, 2013

I have recently had to opportunity through some truly amazing women to share my love of pole with others and hopefully help them to love it as much as I do.

Pole has helped me through some of the worst times in my life and I am honored to share it with others.  I truly do not know if I would have made it through intact with out my pole family.

I seriously want to jump up and down with giddiness and joy. 

What do I want pole students to get out of it?

Everyone is different, and that is awesome.  Each of us moves our bodies differently and it is amazing, this is where the artistry of dance comes in.  We could all be given four tricks to do and the same music to do them too and yet all look totally different.

Pole is a sport- but it is also an art. If you aren't into the acrobatic tricks-- that's fine there are endless things you can do.  Walking can be amazing to watch- its all about artistry. 

You may not get every trick.  This is fine!! A lot of us have tricks we don't do for a lot of reasons. It doesn't make you less than anyone- it makes you--- you.

Love yourself and your body. Your body is part of you--- it is not *you*.  Your body doesn't define you.  I never got this until I was really involved with this physical sport-- ironic huh?

Be kind. Not everyone responds to tough love. I don't. I will get defensive and put up walls to keep people out. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

How to parent when dealing with pain

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I don't know if you have missed me.  But I have missed writing.

Pain has been back in a big way.  My kidney has been causing me severe pain.

Last Thursday it was at its peak for me and I went to the ER.  I ended up having emergency surgery to relieve the pressure in my kidney.  A stent was put in and antibiotics started.  I hoped the antibiotics and the stent would set me right again.

It didn't work.  My pain level skyrocketed.  My normal routine of pain meds were not touching my pain, with all of the pain my kids were getting the really short end of the stick in a crabby tired mommy who had no energy for anything.  Things that I would normally laugh at sent me into a rage. It was unfair for them and depressing for me.

My stent was removed yesterday, as it had become occluded and prevented my kidney from draining.  But the pain continued, worsened even.  Enough pain that I again considered the ER- in the end I sat in a tub of hot water and practiced breathing techniques. 

This morning the pain is much better, not gone but good enough I felt like I could move without screaming.  We even went outside!

Which brings me to managing to parent when you are in serious pain.  It stinks but it is a fact of life for so many of us. 

Parenting is hard enough.  Adding pain or illness too it just ups the difficulty level by a factor of 100.
It is not all bad though.  Kids can learn that we need to work as a team, that empathy is important, and that parents make mistakes too.

I run out of patience so much faster when in pain.  I know I have said things I do not mean to my children when I hurt.  It doesn't take back what I said but I apologize to them- they at least can understand that I am admitting I was wrong and I am sorry I hurt their feelings.

Children can be very caring individuals.  They want to make their friends and family feel better.  My kids make up some wonderful songs to cheer me up and draw amazing pictures.  Let them be a part of helping you feel better- even if it is matching socks- it is one less thing for you to do.

Teamwork is an important life lesson to learn in general.  In our family we all work together.  If we are working against each other nothing would ever get done.  By working together and helping each other we can do more that we could imagine. 

No Hate

Friday, November 30, 2012

Hate is one word that we do not use in our house.

It is one of the words that I do not let my kids say.  We also avoid words such as stupid, dumb, retard, gay, etc

Honestly, I do not mind nearly as when the kids say other inappropriate words, such as the 'f word', but that has only happened a few times, mostly because I said it when I broke a toe.

Why do we not say hate??

Hate is too strong.  Hate, to me, is associated with violence.  Violence in general is something I seek actively to avoid.

It may be harmless so to speak to say you hate coconut (for example)- but really do you hate coconut or do you just really really intensely dislike it.  Hate is just too strong of a word to use.

What words do you not use? 

Pole pics

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I have gotten a few question to pose pictures of pole tricks...but I have not been confident.

Please be kind.

I know these are easier tricks.... But I am really confident in these (I know the flatline needs to get more horizontal)


Thursday, October 18, 2012

When I was little my mom would invite our neighbor over for tea- daily it seemed- or we would go there.

While they talked, the neighbor's son and I would play. 

I learned to love tea.  I associate the warmth of tea with cozy, intimate friendships, that distance cannot impede.

When I was really little my mom gave me tea with milk and sugar.  Then honey. Now I drink tea like she does- almost room temperature plain.

Tea will always make me feel closer to my mom.  I like that feeling.  At the moment there are two mugs (empty) sitting next to me- and those are only the cups I have not put in the sink today.

Even though there are times I would have thrown the mugs at my mom rather than sit and have a cup of tea with her, I am really so thankful I have those memories with her.

I hope I can foster that kind of relationship with my kids (maybe without the tea throwing part).

Random Acts of Kindness

Saturday, November 26, 2011

One of my internet friends is pretty awesome.

I woke up this morning having to massage my jaw to get it to unclench and feeling like I hadn't really slept.

However, reading her Facebook status update made me smile. She paid for a strangers order at the drive thru this morning.

This got me thinking. How awesome would it be to start your day like that? Maybe to have a crap morning and go to the drive thru and find that the person in front of you has paid for your order? What a way to turn around the day! The person who was working had to be touched also- how could they not be? Maybe they will be inspired to be a little kinder today. What a great way to start out the day, to know that maybe you turned someones day around (or made a good day awesome) or maybe inspired others to be kinder to others.

To my friend, you totally impacted my day. Because of reading your update, I will strive to be kinder today. To be more understanding. To be appreciative. Thank you, this is what the holiday season is all about.