To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

Friday, November 21, 2014

Last week was a really sad week.

A teacher at Pixie's pre-school died suddenly, which is devastating for little ones.

We also lost a dear family member- Scotty- a super sweet horse who was loved by all who knew him.

Scotty was not our horse- but we loved him like he was. When ever we would visit the barn his head would pop over the stall and he would great everyone with a kind nicker.  He was very sick, but he was always a little carrot hog.  The Wednesday before he died we were in the arena and he followed me around insisting on carrots.

Scotty was especially loved by LittleDude. Since Scotty was sick- he couldn't be ridden, LittleDude was light enough that he could sit on Scotty's back.  He would lean over and pat Scotty saying, "My Scotty."  The horse had more people who loved him than a lot of people. He was always kind and always gentle- he let the little ones lead him and he was patient when they brushed him.

His mom and owner sure had a special boy and watching them interact was a gift.  It was clear their bond was deep.  He  would have followed her to the ends of the Earth and she would have given him the moon.

When it was clear that there was nothing that could be done to 'fix' him- she dedicated herself to giving him the best life she could-- and that horse had it good!

Last week, when he was in too much pain, his time had come- and she gave him the last thing she could: and end to pain.  As we waited in the stall for the vet- we covered Scotty with blankets- so he would be warm, and while we sat with him- he smelled the carrots in my pocket and insisted on having them. His last hour was spent surrounded by his family, warm, safe, loved and snacking on his favorite treats.

The barn seemed empty after that.  I miss his gentle eyes and welcoming nicker.  Jessie, his wife- took it well.  Animals are smarter than we give them credit for.

I keep meaning to get caught up

Monday, November 17, 2014

Why do things keep happening? It is the nature of life I suppose but it needs to slow down for a moment so I can take a breath!

Princess is now playing violin.  This was a huge debate- which instrument she would choose.  I banned a few of them because I know how awful they sound when they are being learned (a certain amount of awful is to be expected though).  In the end she played violin.  I played violin for years. My sister played violin as well- which is why I wanted to play violin- I thought my sister was perfect.  I slept with a photo of her playing her violin under my pillow for years.
So now she practices daily (or almost daily) we are coming up on her first recital and it should be super fun to take the 5 of them to a violin recital.

Enjoying the hand prints

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Last night I was wiping off the cabinets from the day's messy fingers.

And I realized- that I will not have little hand prints to clean up for that much longer. LittleDude is getting bigger and once in a while decides to use the potty.  My days with diapers, nursing, cuddling, cutting up food, and wiping off hand prints are numbered.

My grandmother loved when my kids would visit her.  I was always very conscious of them not making a mess at her home.  Once, Pixie went up to her window and put her hands firmly on the glass leaving two perfect hand prints.  I went to get the cleaner to wipe them off and she told me to leave them.

Later, I was told that she probably loved looking at them. My grandmother could clean house and insisted that things be orderly (I did not inherit this gene)- so it really showed me how important enjoying the kids when they are little is.  I am not always good at this, but I should be more focused, I am so very grateful. 

Burn centers are not fun

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

I love camping. I grew up camping with my family and some of my favorite memories were camping in the Rockies.

Taking 5 kids camping is a lot different than one or two kids camping.

Being that, under the best of circumstances we have zone defense as opposed to a man on man plan. Sometimes, zone defense leaves someone unprotected.

Henry grabbed a hot lantern and was burned.

For as bad of a burn as it was, he wasn't hysterical for the majority of the time.  He cried and said "Ow. Ow" but he was very calm for the vast majority of the time.

For the first time I was thankful that my kids had been squabbling before we left as we had a bag of half melted ice in cool water and clean paper towels. I put paper towels over his burn and put the cool pack on it and set off for the hospital.

Henry was so brave.  He did have to be sedated to have the burn cleaned, and he hated it.  He couldn't figure out how to work his legs.

After the fuss of getting his burn cleaned and dressed he earned a prize.  A dinosaur, he immediately turned it over and showed me where it pooped from. 

Finally, we were allowed to go home, with a recheck at the burn clinic two days later.  In the interim I had to apply cream, clean, and bandage the burn.  He was given prescription oral pain medicine, but he only needed it for 3 days- after that he went to regular over the counter stuff.

The re-check was great.  His burn looked great. We didn't have to go back for a whole week.





A story from my childhood

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

I tell stories about my kids all the time, and I thought it would be a nice thing to share a short story about me growing up.

I am the youngest child in my family by many many years-- I do not recall living with my siblings.

When I was little (and even now) I did not sleep a lot.  It made my parents batty.  I would refuse to go to bed, just stay in bed singing, talking, driving my parents nuts....and then before the sun was up I would get up. Ready to great the day. One story is my mom and dad told me to go back to bed because it was not light out yet.  I turned on the light and said "it's light now!!!".  They groaned. Yes. I was always that obnoxious.  My poor parents have had a lot too put up with.  I am so thankful that they did- and managed to not kill me despite the temptation. 

Pole Perfection

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Imperfection, really. 

I love my time on the pole.  I have such a great time dancing how I am feeling. 

After having my kidney removed and a few complications, I have had to ease back into pole.  And I lost a lot of things. So many tricks that I have forgotten how to do, no longer have the flexibility to do, or no longer have the strength to do.  It has been a journey to get things back.

Recently, I have been working on getting my splits back.  Holy not flexible anymore!!

I will continue to work on it, maybe it will take baby steps but I will come back to fly.

Oh Dear. Utah. Scary. brain dump

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

This past September was the 15th anniversary of coming back from Utah.  This has been the first year that I have not spent the day curled up in a fetal position waiting for the day to pass.  I actually only realized the date when I had yet another one of my nightmares about Utah.  Yes, I still have them with some regularity.

This morning, I looked at Princess and almost died. She is growing- up, she is not my little girl who chases geese and loves to swing at the park. It dawned on me, when I was her age I was already in the midst of an eating disorder.  A diagnosable eating disorder.


She is such an amazing person, smart, caring, strong, thoughtful, and kind.  I never want her to hurt like that.  I never want her to feel like she is not not enough just as she is.  She is special and unique and fantastic.  How can I protect her from this?  How can I keep her safe from that trip in a fun-house mirror.