My Problem with the AP (Attachment Parenting) movement

Full disclosure: I am an attachment parenting parent.

First, I think it is great that Attachment Parenting is getting press. Yay!

What I do not like is that people are now clamoring to be AP parents. I tried on mainstream parenting with Princess it sucked for us. It did not feel good- like a sweater that it itchy and does not fit right and rubs in all the wrong places.  So I stopped and started listing to my heart and my instincts and doing what felt right.

I did not run out and buy 30 books and try each brand of parenting on.  I tried to listen to what my heart was saying and go with that. So far it works.  I am not an ideal attachment parent.  I do not follow all of the rules.  Following all of the attachment parent also felt forced to me. So I again, did what feels right.

It is important to note that what feels right varies from child to child and from stage to stage. The unique nature of children needs to be honored.  They are individuals too.

I do believe that especially when babies are infants and newborns I need to put aside some of my needs to meet theirs.  If I need a shower and the baby needs to eat whose need gets met? The baby's my needs can wait.  I am older and understand priorities better.  Babies live in the moment.

The issue is that babies and kids can sense a fake a mile away.  If parents are doing this just because it is 'in' it will not be authentic or genuine for anyone and benefit no one.

Summer Fun

Today was a hot summer-like day in the Chicago area.  The NATO people picked a great weekend to be here!

The weather is amazing.

Despite a summer cold (ughhh).  We went to the french market and browsed, got some fresh produce and some amazing lemonade. We just had a really nice day. Being together.

Four kids had ice cream cones and were ADORABLE.  Then we played in the fountain. Walked to the library, looked around.  Enjoyed each other and enjoyed the day. 

I overheard a bunch of moms saying how they can't wait to get breaks and get away from their kids and that made me sad.

Don't get me wrong, I want days off too.  I want breaks too. But not everyday.  I like my kids.  I enjoy hanging out with them.  I think they are pretty great.

Melt into the pole

I have been back to pole dancing for a few weeks and things are starting to come back.

I no longer feel like I am going to kill myself on a standard invert, my shoulder mounts are there--- they need polish but they are there!

One trick that was driving me insane was the inside leg hang.  I could not get in the right spot to save my soul. It was making me so so so mad. 

 My Monday class was fantastic. I am starting to really feel invested again.  For a few weeks I didn't know if that would mean that it was time for me to find a new exercise because I was just getting too frustrated.   But as I have gotten stronger and started to get tricks back I am feeling more confident. 

This week I had a make up with Molly on Wednesday- aside from deciding that I need to take pole poise she helped me get my inside leg hang back again.  I was fighting it.  I was not allowing myself to melt into the pole and let the pole hold me.  By being too stiff I was countering what the pole was doing.  So I got it.. even better, I got the cupid. 

Always during the relaxation at the beginning I have a hard time getting my head to shut up, settling down into relaxation is always hard.  Somehow it happens with out me noticing it- next thing I know I am settled and enjoying my class.

How did I go months with out this???

Mothers day

I do not hold out a lot of hope for holidays or birthdays.. especially Mother's Day (see the Happy Dead Mouse Day post for reference).

This year was again special..in that way that means it is a damn good thing I have a sense of humor.

As I was visiting the bathroom, you know like most people do first thing in the morning, my children- 4 of them the ones who can walk....picked the bathroom lock and burst in. Full of delight and joy, anxious to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day".  I am really thrilled they are so excited to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, but I like to pee in private. 

But that is just what motherhood is isn't it? Motherhood is witnessing the happiness on your kids faces when they feed the ducks or when they are so excited to give you a bouquet of dandelions.  All of that makes it so special.

The rest of the day was a typical day- with lots of spontaneous "Happy Mother's Day" hugs thrown in. 
I could not be the mom I am with out the kids and family I have.  They have given me more and taught me more than I could ever possible hope for.

Here is a picture of a funny card I got:

When the going gets tough

It is tough.

Generally, I try and find the humor in life.  They chaos that happens in my life is humorous- it has to be- or I would go crazy.  Sometimes though it gets to be too much.  The load becomes heavy.  The kids antics frustrating. My own issues.  My own heart.  My own stuff becomes to heavy to bear to carry on with let alone to laugh at.

The ache. The empty. The exhaustion. What is it? Why can't I remember to be thankful for what I have? Why can I not see all of the good things in my life and focus on that. 

Some wise person once told me that you need to have the bad times.  The sad times- to be able to appreciate the good times the happy ones. 

For heavens sake though- I really would appreciate a clean kitchen

Sometimes you just have to laugh

It was one for the record books- and not in a "we had a great time way"

I get a lot of people asking how I do it with so many kids... well I just do... really what else can you do?

Really though- I laugh. A lot. Maybe that makes me insane but- in reality- the crap that is bad- is not really that bad.  I should be and am focusing on being thankful that I have such amazing kids who can drive me batshit crazy.  I really would not have it any other way- maybe a little more sleep though.

To point- after a long day (a character builder) I was driving Pixie to the ER talking with my mom, and I realized I forgot my purse and wallet. I burst out laughing.  And that is when it hit me.  I was letting myself get so stressed out and so upset over things that in the grande scheme of things are not that big of a deal.  So I laughed (and sounded crazy).  Then laughed some more.  What else can I do? Surrender to G-d and let it happen. 
 
One good part of the day was making it in and out of the ER in under an hour- and not because I signed out against medical advice.

In the end the little potty was found (in a cabinet) and empty (thank heavens) I can shampoo the carpet to get the stuff out of it. The ER staff was able to get the thing out of Pixie's nose.  Everything will be okay (great even if my headache will go away).

past to present

I guess this post is not a surprise..or maybe it is. It is something that I tried to put together in my head on the way to the grocer today- and even then I knew I had something to say but how to say it escaped me so I will work on the theory of conscious streaming - thanks Camus.

Do I live in the past? maybe. If we believe that we are created and shaped by what we have been through, what we have over come, where our ancestors have been..... maybe this makes some sense, but maybe not.

Maybe I am so interested in where I come from (ancestry-wise) because I have no idea who I am now. I have been good at reading people and being who they wanted me to be- so I would be accepted or approved of- thus in the process who I am got lost. Or perhaps never got a chance to develop.

It led me into some interesting situations. A lot of them I carry around with me dwelling on them, wondering, over analyzing. Trying to figure it all out. I wish so frequently I could just tell my brain to turn off and take a break.

A lot of my life I don't remember. I remember some things that are immensely painful and traumatic.

I remember the first time my ex hit me with my riding crop- arguing about where the dogs leash began. I told no one. Or when he ran over my foot when I was on my way to work on purpose because I got out of the car when he was hitting me. It took more than that for it to end though.

Here is the thing. It never got better. That stuff happened when we were dating. After marriage it was worse. I was embarrassed. Afraid no one would believe me. Afraid that maybe I did deserve it.

But because I have made it through that and worse. I know I am strong. I know I can handle a lot.

For now though I will continue researching trying to find out where I came from to yield clues as to who I am, and maybe I will be able to figure it all out. Maybe I can get my brain to quiet. Maybe I can figure out my identity. Maybe I can finally fit in