How Big? SOOO Big!! (too big)

Friday, August 7, 2015

LittleDude still co-sleeps and breastfeeds. He is 3. He loves to snuggle close and have that connection. I'll admit- I get touched out.  I'll admit I want space!  So I am doing my best to remember that I will never be this loved again as I am by LittleDude.  All of the kids went through this; the cuddles and snuggles and love- and then they get bigger and stop needing me so much, and the cuddles become less frequent.

Last night I cuddled up to LittleDude and as he nursed and cuddled, I realized that one day soon, this will be nothing but a memory.  That I will not have him drape his little body over my and hug me with every fiber in his body.

He already is losing his interest babywearing most of the time, how long until he is a really big boy and spreads his wings to fly? Which is of course, the point of being a parent, teaching them how to be independent.

I love him and love his snuggles for now.

Princess and her Sister

Friday, July 31, 2015

Princess has a best friend- she has been best friends with this girl since the first day of kindergarten.  They met on the playground and never looked back.

At first it was playdates supervised by parents-- making sure they were sharing- and being nice.  It evolved into talks on the phone and sleepovers.  Now they text-- and rove from one house to another like a pair of hungry bandits. 

It has evolved from a friendship to sisterhood.  They bicker like sisters, but love each other.  They squabble and just as soon as I have figured out what happened they are begging to see each other.

Watching them together is wonderful, I love knowing that Princess has someone (and a spare set of parents) to look out for her- love her- and support her. 

I am so thankful to the family who we love and consider our family.  Princess's friend and her family are included in our family activities- because family is more than just relatives.

Princess and her sister(friend) will remain friends forever, I bet.  They have already supported and seen each other through some tough times- with grace and care that I could use a lesson in.  They also share joy and hope- and everything that tween girls should- the giggles and the smiles. 

To Friend's family-- thank you for loving our Princess.  We love you and your family dearly.  We are deeply thankful.

Why do they grow up

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Someone posted a thing on Facebook the other night about the "Last Time".

When was the last time I nursed Pixie-- clearly there was one time that was the last time. There was one time that I held her close and had her nurse.  I don't remember when this was- which is sad- I feel like there should have been a way to mark that.  This is true for all of the kids (except LittleDude) who is still nursing.

When was the last time I picked up Stinky and carried him to bed? Or put him on my back? There obviously was a last time but I don't know when that was.

I don't know what "last time" will be next.  Will it be the last time I "muggle" Pixie and Peas?  Will it be carrying them to bed? Reading them a story? When will it be the last time to hold their hands to cross the street?

Even knowing that that this last time is looming- it can be hard to appreciate the little things.  It can be hard to remember to cherish the snuggles, the talks, the hand holding. I hope I can learn to value this time as much as I should.

Its been quiet around here huh?

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Well--- sometimes no news is good news, sometimes no news is just busy, and sometimes, no news means my kidney is up to trickery and I am having hard time accepting it.

I got sick in June.  Like I do, I wished it away, figured that it was stress and it would get better.  I went to the doctor after a few days and he gave me antibiotics and all was well.  A few days later, I couldn't keep anything down.  Even the Zofran for nausea. So went to the ER. After waiting a year and a day the doc took one look at me and admitted me.  She seriously didn't even run labs first. 

7 days.  7 days on IV antibiotics to kick this infection.

Home for a few days. 

Then sick again. 

This time with scary bacteria.  My kidney does a go big or go home thing apparently-- and it goes big.

So now I am on antibiotics-- they make me very very tired and have some other fun side effects. Also learned today that I will need to investigate some funky stuff on my ovaries further.


I am ok. My kids are great, having a wonderful summer. B is wonderful. life is beautiful

Right now, I can be awake for about 2 hours before I need to sleep again, so I will write more when I have more energy.

SCOTUS made a good call

Sunday, July 5, 2015

I am an LGBTQ ally.  If you know me you know this.  I am thrilled that gay and lesbian people are now being afforded the right to marry.

It is saddening to see that so many people are less than happy about this decision and using their faith as the reasoning for their opinion.

The area in which I live is heavily Christian- and that is great. No problem.  But what I have an issue with is Christians expecting everyone else to abide by their version of morality-- because the bible said so.

My faith religious belief does not impact my support for gay marriage at all-- as my faith is mine no one else's.  And even if my faith dictated that gay an lesbian people should not be allowed to marry based on the bible it still does not impact the secular rights that need to be afforded to all people.

This is one of the greatest things about America-- we have a separation of church and state. Church beliefs do not get to impact state laws. Not everyone has the same faith or beliefs even if they have the same holy book- and as we cannot email G-d and ask for clarification the best thing we can do is to offer love and acceptance.  I firmly believe that love will be more acceptable to G-d than condemnation and judgement.

Just because the bible says that we must "keep holy the sabbath" we do not have laws that force people to go to church (or other house of worship)

Some people cite that G-d calls homosexuality an abomination--- well there are a bunch of things that are said to be an abomination to G-d.

Proverbs 12:22 "lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal faithfully are His delight" where is the outcry against dishonesty (have we seen what happens in politics?)

Proverbs 6:5 "Everyone who is proud of heart is an abomination to the LORD, Assuredly he will not be unpunished"

I can keep listing these quotes--- (thanks Mom and Dad for religious education-- see I did pay attention)

If so many things are an abomination to G-d why are we so obsessed with this one?  Why is this one the lightening rod?  Why are we so convinced that we need prevent other people from entering a loving committed marriage and enjoying the legal benefits that come because of it?

If people are/were making a push to force a church or house of faith to wed a gay couple then I would support the church-- as a private house of faith they have the right to stick to whatever they believe- without government interference.

It does go both ways though-- if the government cannot force a church to marry a gay couple then a religion cannot force a government not to marry a gay couple.

Separation of church and state is a fantastic thing.  The ruling has literally NO impact on anyone who is not LGBTQ and does not want to get married.

In a follow up post I will address how the SCOTUS ruling is not violating states rights.

StripCraft and Booty Work

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

A while ago I was fortunate enough to take a workshop with the incomparable Lux ATL one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to meet.

I love pole.  It is my sanctuary, it functions as a work-out, social time, therapy, and so much more for me.  However, I am not much of a dancer, I struggle with flow.  I struggle with confidence, I struggle...

This workshop was heaven.  It was home.

First: Lux is crazy smart.  Which is so cool-- but not unusual in the pole world- the number of women who are unbelievably smart is staggering. What makes Lux unique is that she is so approachable she accepts and values her students as women where ever we are.  She also speaks her mind- this is hard. As a women if you speak your mind too loudly you're a bitch or worse... Lux embraces this and encourages women to embrace this.. I have an awesome shirt from her that reads "pro bitch"

When I dance I get self conscious and convince myself that everyone is so much better than I am- so much sexier-- essentially just that I stink.

Which leads me to....

Second:  It was like she was talking to me when she was laying out the class. Which leads me to believe my fears and anxieties are not unusual.

The first tenet of her class is:

Only you possess what only you possess

Simple, huh? Well yes, this makes sense, but how do I know what I possess that only I possess?  That is the journey.  That we all have to learn and to learn it we have to play with a lot of things and inevitably make mistakes.  As we are learning and on our jouney, remember that everyone else is on their own journey and we may all be making mistakes as we learn and grow.

The second is: 

Be vulnerable. Be willing to act weird in public

I certainly and self conscious and am afraid to act silly in public for fear of "what will people think?"
By staying in my comfort zone I am limiting myself and not growing.  Growth happens outside an individual's comfort zone. Make an impression. Be weird. Have fun. Embrace it. 

The third and final tenet is:

No shame. No fear. No apologies. Just Love. 

This one have a hard time with. I struggle with shame. I struggle with being fearful. I apologize way too much. I can extent love and acceptance to everyone but myself.  Recently, Amy Schumer did a skit on women and apologizing and how we as women apologize for everything.  

So I am working on it. 

I also plan on taking her classes again to really have the chance to better absorb her wisdom and learn from her incredible booty isolation ways.

Day to day- I am carrying her lessons with me, and not just practicing booty isolations in traffic- but embracing myself for who I am and loving it. All of it.

My 3 Year Old made an Amazon order

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

I should have guessed that it would happen at some point.  Little Dude ordered a whole season of his favorite show "Paw Patrol" from Amazon.

Recently, I ordered a kindle fire relatively recently, and he loves it. Sadly, I have not figured out how to prevent purchases like this, and until this incident, I didn't even look into it.

The other night I started getting notifications on my phone that Amazon purchases had been made, little confirmation emails thanking me for my order. I thought nothing of it at first, thinking that maybe B had ordered a few shows--- then they kept coming, and I texted him to see what he had been buying... nothing.  LittleDude, was sitting right next to him and he was paying no attention to what was happening (typical).  While LittleDude was sitting there, innocent as can be and he bought a whole season of Paw Patrol and several other episodes. 

I suppose it was bound to happen sometime or another.  I am glad that it was less expensive than it could be.