Sunday, July 24, 2016
First: I have been physically healthy for a few months. I am learning to take time to rest, pace myself, and I have seen a few docs who have been amazing.
Its storming here. Again. Its been so hot and humid it almost cant help but storm in the late afternoon.
I find myself reflecting on fun memories from my childhood that I want to write about as how they relate to parenting my own children, but of course, at the moment they escape me-- like on the tip of tongue.
Our house had a big front porch when I was a kid. I LOVED that porch. We found my cat on that porch, we made forts on the porch, we just sat and talked- just watching the world go by. But, as the porch faced west, we especially enjoyed watching the weather roll in.
I recall having my mom braid my hair, practicing spelling words, watching the storm. Once it was down-pouring absolute torrential down-down pour and I wanted my cat, Miss Meow. Miss Meow was a feral cat that who adopted us. She and I had a particularly close bond. I could sit on the front porch and literally "Meow" for her and she would come from where ever she was in the neighborhood. Of course, that was if she felt like it. For me, she usually did- unless it was raining. What cat likes getting wet? This time, I called the cat and she came running... meowing back as she ran as if she was saying "I'm coming!"
This is a silly, insignificant memory but it reminds me of my cat- whom I loved and still do love dearly. I miss her often and tell the kids all of the funny cat stuff she did.
Another weather related memory involves my bedroom. I get nervous during storms. Always have. But every night my mom and I would read a book sometimes a classic sometimes something silly. It was time we spent together. I think she enjoyed sharing some of her favorite childhood books with me that way. Our house was an old house. It had tons of windows. One wall of my room was windows. I did not appreciate it as much as I should have. Frequently we would open all of the windows in the summer for a nice breeze (my dad hated air conditioning) so it was a good thing our house had so many windows. Regardless, it was hot.... the air was thick, my mom sat in a chair near my bed, and I recall looking out the window and seeing lightening. I said "ma, I see lightening" and she replied half asleep "Its just heat lightening" and then she told me a story from when she was a child.
Obviously, I couldn't just whip out an iphone and see if heat lightening was a thing or not.... it was a good enough explanation for me- and I went to sleep.
I have been fascinated with the weather, and used to watch the weather channel, but I never looked up "heat lightening" I like the explanation, and even if it is not scientifically accurate, it was enough to calm my nerves, and that is pretty darn hard to do- even now.
My mom and I had a rough relationship through my teen years- and 20s... heck most of my life there have been challenges, but instead of focusing on the crappy stuff- I consciously think about these memories. The ones that- even for a moment I felt loved and good enough to deserve her love.