Raising a motor-mouth

Friday, July 31, 2009

What seems like forever ago I recall longing for Princess to speak her first words so she could communicate. I would egg her on and try and coax a word out of her. Terrified that she would never speak. Well- she does. a lot. about everything. all the time. She signed but aside from that I wanted to hear her voice I wanted her to say something.

She tells me everything. All the time and uses some of the most startling words for a five year old. Acquiesce is one of the oddities that she has recently used. Really acquiesce? I have an informal rule that you can not use a word if you do not know what it means. She knew.

Sometimes I am told fantastic stories that she has made up with characters and plot and twists and turns...sometimes though it is just a narrative of what she has done, is doing, or is thinking about doing. Sometimes I understand it has to do with needing attention- being the most self sufficient child in our family does sometimes come with limited attention so I understand the need to draw some- doesn't mean I still do not want to jab cotton balls in my ears.

I hear the most detailed things and get questions about everything. Why? What is that? Then sometimes I am convinced she is just talking to talk. Just to chatter. Which is one reason I love having the neighbors we do. They have a girl who is about the same age who also chatters on and on so they absorb each other

Now- I love quiet. One of my fantasies is to be able to think by myself without filtering 5 year old chatter. Or to read a book without having to stop. To answer yet another question.
The constant chatter is like clutter for my brain and clutter makes me nervous. Seriously. I hate physical clutter and mental clutter as well.

Sometimes when she is talking I silently think to myself to please please please let her be quiet for a few moments. Just a few. Occasionally I'll request that she stop talking. The funny thing is she is not offended by that request. I was terrified of hurting her feelings if I asked her to please hush.

This all is not to say or insinuate in anyway that I do not at times enjoy a conversation with her and honestly she does say some pretty profound things that then I want time to ponder. Catch-22.

She does have a huge heart. A huge one. When she knows I am stressed or tired she will hug me saying more with that hug that all of the words in her endless vocabulary ever could.

Adult Topic Below


Interesting fact. There was a survey and 1 in 10 women say that they have not had truly great sex at any point in their lives. Really? That seems kind of high. Guys get with it! Come on!

Not that great sex has ever been the norm but it has happened. Granted it was with one guy (yes, its B).

Maybe part of the issue is men and women define good sex in different ways. For it to be great sex it has to not involve acting on my part. It also has to have more than that- the love, connection, passion, etc to be truly great sex. Yes it has happened. No it was not on our wedding night. Mostly it is feeling so loved and loving someone so much that it has to get out it has to be expressed- to be shared. And feeling the same in return.

Maybe guys define great sex as mind blowing physical stimulation. Which while fine- does not at least for me come close to great sex.

Have you had truly great sex (in your definition?) What do you define great sex as?


Thursday, July 30, 2009

The past two days in our house have not been my finest. I have been crazy stressed and the kidlets have not been helping. Is there a moon phase? Mercury in retrograde?? What is it?

Out and out defiance- just doing things that are not nice. Making sad choices- toys needing to take breaks- just not good.

Today was awful. I am seriously twitching. The poor attitude, whining-- etc. Example: sat the kids down for dinner. Stinky refused to eat using his fork and spoon and made a delightful mess of himself and everything. He knew he was a mess. I went upstairs to run the bath came down and he was doing a mixed media art project on the tv screen and remote which now has applesauce stuck between the buttons. Put him in the tub- the other kids joined him came down stairs to start the clean up of the floor, the chair, the wall etc. Stinky kept getting out of the tub- I told him he needed to stop or he had to get out because I did not want him to get hurt. So this should come as no surprise to any parent readers I may have what does he do?? gets out again and falls. shocking. Taking that as the cue that bath time was over we went into the bedroom with him screeching protests all the way. When I asked him to help me get him dressed in PJs..he said 'no' Oh really? Lets try that one again shall we??
When we FINALLY got downstairs he started to whine for a snack.. how unfortunate- he chose to make a mixed media masterpiece with dinner as opposed to eating it...how sad that he was now hungry- then maybe he'll eat breakfast.

Picture that kind of scenario all day. for two days.

I lay in bed with Peas getting her to sleep and prayed for help. Because honestly I am scared I cannot do this. I am so scared and so tired. All joking and sarcasm aside- I am genuinely afraid.

sticker shock

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

growing up my dad took fanatical care of his car. I mean fanatic- and was not even a car guy.

We never had bumper stickers. Or any stickers for that matter with the exception of the city sticker that we were legally required to have- adhesive and the car were not compatible in his world.

Now some bumper stickers are bumper magnets. which is pretty handy- support your cause-without making a mess on your car! win win right?

I use my 2 bumper stickers for a slightly different purpose- car identification. I have a common car a very common car in a very common color and picking it out of 20 others in a row at a shopping center or grocer is not fun. So I use my bumper stickers to pick it out of the crowd. Not the use specifically intended for the bumper sticker but it works for me- and the kids have fun looking for them.

Operation Beautiful

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

This post is because of this blog and this website: Operation Beautiful. I am a girl who has long struggled with self image and self worth, self whatever (I hate the phrase 'self esteem' cliche and trite).

But I stumbled upon this website and I was thrilled to see that women are reaching out to women- unknown women at that and leaving a small affirmation that could very well make their day and change it for the better. Typically I never feel good enough. No matter what I do I never ever feel good enough, pretty, thin- whatever. By doing this small act I am helping someone else even briefly feel good about themselves or at least better- I hope. It is a small step but it is better than the constant barrage of stick thin women- of moms who seem super human- of all of it.

For my life that I can remember I have wanted to change things, to make a difference, to help people to do something for the greater good- this is certainly not a cure for cancer or anything but it is SOMETHING- and after all something is better than nothing.

Remember the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty? I loved that. It celebrated the 'real beauty' of women and girls not the airbrushed cultural absurdities that we as women have come to accept and aspire too. This is my contribution to a smaller version of that.

So I will be armed with a pack of post-its and a sharpie and instead of painting the town red I will be sticking post-its up to remind all of us that just as we are we are beautiful- we are special- we are enough. and maybe after writing this a few hundred times I'll believe it too.

Little House On The Prairie

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I have long had a minor obsession with historical fiction. But that is not the point of this post.

Another thing that I have always been eager to do is, well crap how do I explain this- saying I want to be self sufficient isn't right but that is the best description I can come up with now.

Basically I would love to be able to grow most of my own food. Growing up blessed with and Iowa farm boy grandpa we had that luxury- a giant garden in the back yard that supplied us and a lot of our neighbors with produce for the summer months. Want salad? go pick it. literally. He started planning that garden and Christmas and for a few years he gave me my own 'plot' to plant what I wanted and to be responsible for- I learned SOOOO MUCH. The part that I am sad about is he has passed and I could sure use his guidance now- remembering lessons from twenty years ago is hard!

We had cucumbers, zucchini, broccoli, lettuce, plum tomatoes, regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, sweet corn, popcorn, watermelon, potatoes, onions, green beans, radishes, carrots, peas, beets, green peppers, strawberries, grapes, herbs, and that is just what I remember after 20 years!!

The downside to growing up this way is I love and expect fresh produce. The grocery store stuff does not come close- ever.

I also learned an appreciation for canning. Every early fall we would can tomatoes, make pickles (best pickles ever- when pregnant they haunt dreams frequently), make grape jelly, strawberry jelly, can beets, braid onions....all sorts of food. Which would be used through out the winter.

So again- this was great but also bad. I have expectations in food.

We also had a compost heap. Grass clippings, weeds...all of that got tossed on there and let to compost until the next spring when it was time to prepare the garden again. So today when my compost heap finally got built I was thrilled! and a little sad. It brought back memories of my grandpa.

So this year I got the compost heap. Maybe next year I'll start a small garden as an homage to my grandfather.

Some friends of mine have recently started raising chickens at their house in a nearby suburb. This is another long time wish of mine. Fresh eggs. Very fresh eggs- and later even fresh chicken. So I checked and my town does not allow backyard chickens- except for 4-H projects (somehow my kids will probably be involved in this- wonder why?) But I was also given a few interesting websites such as Back Yard Chickens to guide me if I decide to try and get that ordinance changed. I just do not know any sound arguments to make in favor of chickens in my yard- I'll give the city council breakfast?? Think they'd buy that one?

Another thing is goats or a cow. yeah I know living in suburbia- probably not going to get a cow or a goat in my yard right? But imagine fresh milk! Fresh cheese! Yumm!

So yah- I kind of wish I could live in a semi modernized version of Little House On the Prairie. I would underline it but I do not know how so italics will have to suffice. You know with plumbing.

Only my kids

Saturday, July 25, 2009

It is a widely known fact that my kids are a bit precocious and not exactly gentle with toys- not that I expect them to be but heavens- they give toy manufacturers a run for their money.

A recent example:

One day last week I was outside kvetching with my neighbor and the kids were digging (big surprise right? Shovels + Dirt = happy kids) anyway Stinky went in and got one of the toys he had received for his birthday but not yet opened - the train bubble machine. I had no batteries but my neighbor donated some to the cause of course as it is a newly manufactured toy it has the battery compartment secured with a screw after unscrewing, installing batteries, and rescrewing Stinky took off with the train. A few steps later he fell and managed to open the battery compartment leaving the screw intact and without breaking anything. Only one of my children could pull off such a feat.

This to be honest is one of the most annoying toys out there. It blows bubbles, makes noise, and moves- which of course delights the kids and the makers of Advil.

My neighbor joked that my kids should be product testers. If they cannot break it in a few weeks of hard action then it is good- if like most everything else it is destroyed in seconds it is average. Any ideas how I can get them a gig doing that??

You can't say I did not warn you.

Friday, July 24, 2009

This blog entry has some *ahem* adult topics. Read at your own risk.

You have been warned.

I was recently asked by a friend if I ever faked 'it' by 'it' I mean it the 'blue ribbon' or which ever euphemism you choose.

In short- yes- I have. It is not that I did not enjoy things, it is not that it wasn't good, or anything like that- sometimes at least for me it is just not in the cards- and that is ok. It was/is a small part of the overall experience, in my opinion. Then faking it seems to be the way to end things without damaging an ego.

Another friend said you should never fake it as how would the guy know what to do if you faked- he would think he was doing a good job and if he wasn't he would probably like to know. Obviously this is a guy- Obviously he has never been in a woman shoes- I prefer 'directing' things more subtly.

So yes I have 'faked' and will probably continue to when necessary. So far I have not been 'discovered' on my faking.

Busy Week

Thursday, July 23, 2009

It has been a bit busy, a little bit crazy, a little bit well of everything. It has gone oh so fast. I can hardly believe that it is Thursday already.

Monday was my 11 year old niece's surgery. She has had a few of them over the years to help correct a venous deformation/hemangioma on her face. She has been very brave through them. This time I was a bit more nervous. Maybe because last time she had one I was not a mom yet or because Princess had surgery last year and I was an absolute wreck over it- which ever it was I was nervous for her which made for a rough day on Monday because I was anxious over it.

It was successful but not as straight forward as anticipated. It bled more and she ended up needing to spend a few days in the PICU and receive extra units of blood. She had a follow up operation yesterday- and that went pretty well. She is still uncomfortable, in pain, and somewhat groggy- So thankfully she was released today. Hopefully she will have a smooth recovery.

The rest of the week the kids had swimming lessons that took up more time than I planned.

Of course- we ran out of toilet paper. How I missed that no idea- but we did. You'd think that I would have noticed.

Feel the need to dicuss

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Again about SYTYCD. It was a moving show tonight- again one dance was so moving.

The story was centered around a woman's battle with breast cancer. Her battle- her partners battle- her strength- his strength- it was beautiful and to quote Mia Micheal's, "a very important performance".

If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that shortly after Stinky's birth I was diagnosed with cervical cancer- very early. My treatment and course was admittedly short and reasonably minimally painful a few procedures-lots of visits- some pain- some more procedures. Granted it was far from fun and the possibility of it returning always is in the back of my mind.

The emotion that Melissa and Ade portrayed was incredible. I have absolutely no words to describe it. I have nothing but tears and thanks and awe.

I know that if I had needed to go through that course of treatment of if that disease had taken a different course B would have been there. To carry me through the really crappy parts, to lift me up when I needed it. He would let me yell and scream and be angry at the situation at everything. As it was he let me cry to him yell, fuss, lots more tears, he stayed home from work the days that especially one procedure was so painful and took a while to recover from. He was always there. He was my strength. For that I am thankful.

So again dance and art and music sad what words can't. Again I am thankful for this.

Little Fishes

This week we started swimming lessons. By we I mean the kids. By kids I mean the two oldest. It is unfortunate because Peas is also a mermaid and would love to join her brother and sister in the water but unfortunately at 17.5 months is a bit below the age three beginning limit at our park district. This is also sad because she objects, loudly and strenuously when she is unable to join her sibs in the pool.

Peas has the temper tantrum pathetic cry/wail down like an old pro. Too upset to walk, she lays on the floor and puts her head on the floor and lets all of her angst out in a series of gut wrenching sob/wails- always with tears. Then she, still devastated will crawl- yes crawl despite the fact she has been able to walk for a good 9 months- to me and again let me know how tragic her life is. Really I do not have a heart of stone- she is just dramatic.

Back to swimming.

Stinky loves it. Well all of my kids seem to be part fish. But him first. He rolls, jumps, kicks, splashes, etc. For watching his lessons I am not entirely sure what he is learning aside from just having a great time playing in the water... But for a three year old kicking, floating, and bubbles seems to suit just fine. He is pretty funny when he comes out of the pool shivering and shaking so proud of himself so eager to tell me what he did today- as if had not been sitting 15 ft away.

Princess this year is in 'deep' water. Deep being relative to the idea that she is five. She is floating and using a kick board and also loving it. She takes it a bit more seriously though- she wants to learn and get to be a 'really good swimmer'. Sometimes she gets frustrated if she is not getting it as fast as she would like too- a feeling I know well.

All in all swimming lessons are fun. They love to play in the water and lessons seem to be an excuse to do that.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I can complain a lot about my kids on here. But I want to make it perfectly clear that I adore them. Wholeheartedly. Absolutely adore them. Each drives me nuts but keeps me somewhat sane in their own way. Each had brought enormous joy to my life as well as frustration (but for now we are going to focus on the joy...mmmmk?)

Princess saved me. She turned my life around and a little 3lb preemie taught me more in her first week than I had managed to learn in years.

Stinky. Has the purest sweetest heart of any three year old boy (not to mention because of him I caught a rapidly advancing disease- which may well have saved my life)

Peas- What can I say about her? She is a fun loving girl. A girl through and through. A sweet girl a loving girl a girl who loves me and needs me 24 hours a day. A girl who's incessant needs make me batty but keep me grounded.

Remembering to be thankful is important perspective for me to keep- granted it is very hard to keep sometimes- but I have three healthy, fantastically precocious, fantastically wonderful children. I hope they know just how loved and valued they are.


Monday, July 20, 2009

I have never met children who can be so entertained by dirt and a shovel and maybe a bucket. They have bikes and balls and bats and hoops but they love to dig in the dirt. A particular favorite is 'mud balls' princess and her friends love to make them and do heaven knows what. But they make them. They also like making worm nests and digging for bugs and worms. They usually come in completely covered in dirt. Somehow they usually have dirt on their faces like they were eating it.

They also prefer to dig in dirt as opposed to sand. In the park they are into the sand about as much as other kids but in the dirt they are golden. Last summer when we were putting up a fence the kids just dug in the dirt outside pretty much all day.

What did your kids do? What did you do?

Impromptu Get Together

It is so nice to have neighbors who I like. Even nicer that they have kids who are the same ages as mine and who get along famously. My neighbor understands the trials of sudden onset single parenting fun inherent therein.

So we had an impromptu get dinner of Jambalaya and salad. A cooperative effort it worked well. The kids ate well enjoyed the company and played until fatigue. It was fantastic.

One of the nice things about having a neighbor who 'gets' it is someone who I could talk to. Sorry- gotta talk again about "So You Think You Can Dance"... she got the feelings from that dance. She understood the feelings that it brought up. That is a relief. Sometimes just being understood


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Recently I have tried incorporating exercise into my daily routine as a method of combating stress, fatigue, depression, and whatever else I can throw at it.

So I got a 40 minute video from Amazon with the intention of doing it daily. It has been a week and I have missed 2 days. Once because I over did it the day prior with the video and a five mile walk and the other because my motivation was on vacation.

Thus far I have seen very limited results (like none) in the way of stress relief, depression, alleviation, or fatigue reduction....no also to results related to toning and strengthening.

However there have been a few things of note. Three kids are pretty funny to watch attempt imitate the video- Peas particularly likes the knee bends- she is pretty good at them too! Also the number of times that I can be used as a bridge for cars and trains to go under is directly proportional to the frequency that I would be lowering to plank pose or dolphin. Also dolphin and plank poses are much harder when there are kids sitting on your back.

Another lesson of note- they can entertain themselves for hours on end with dolls and colors unless I am doing something during which I want to be left alone- then only Mama will do

Lack of Updates

I apologize to anyone poor soul who reads this for my lack of writing lately. I have been uninspired.

On Thursday we went to the Dupage Childrens Museum (thanks Mom for the gift- one of the best gifts ever- something to do that gets us out and does not need to be put away). This time the kids really enjoyed themselves. Stinky and Princess made flags and had a great time decorating them. It is awesome to watch their creative juices flow.

Stinky is learning how to use scissors and he was so thrilled when he successfully cut things. His flag was more free-form collage like. Princess made hers and wanted it to look like 'Our Flag' (the American Flag).. she was devastated that it did not look just like it. Which kind of bugged me. I miss the days of pure creativity of things guided not by copying something but by doing what struck her fancy.

Of course we played in the water (gee it is COLD) and played with bubbles- those are two activities that we cannot visit the museum without visiting. Also playing with wind was fun. Pease loved making the pin wheel spin. Stinky enjoyed using the tubes to blow scarfs and balls through the channels and seeing how changing the winds' direction moved them. Princess enjoyed learning about how air moved other objects and could be directed to do things. Amazingly my head did not spin off from trying to keep track of them all; it is a lot of work to keep an eye on of all of the kids.

We were there for four hours and only got through about a half of the museum. When we left I was struck with a migraine from hell. The kind when I could not move my head the pain went down my neck and made my ears roar- this was sad because I wanted to take the kids to somewhere special to celebrate Stinky's birthday.

Happy Birthday!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Today is Stinky's third birthday! THREE! he is no longer my 'baby boy' He is a BIG BOY! and he likes reminding me of that.

I love him so much! I want to give him the world! He is so sweet!

That's odd

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Well. I do not get hit on that much. A mom with three kids looking half frazzled half crazed does not exactly draw out many guys lining up to date me. Anyway. This guy was brave.
And I was was completely caught of guard. Flattering? Kinda. Strange as heck? Yep.

how was my day you ask??

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Are you sure you want to know? lets start with some quick stats.
1 mom
3 kids
2 dogs
2 cats

Summer day in Chicagoland

at several points during the day I was wondering if the kids had forgotten their brains somewhere or were trying to make me loose it- seriously I was dangerously close so many times to loosing my temper.

The things they did were just strange- they know better- I know they know better- they know they know better- so why did they act all kinds of nuts?

anyway in addition to the doing things that are just not allowed- when I would correct or redirect they paid no attention- nothing. The blatant and repeated disobeying was so maddening.

The dogs were not innocent either. They had accidents in Peas' room.

The topper??? Stepping on broken porcelain and getting hundreds of tiny slivers in my foot- that I have no idea how to get out.

Typically I could just chalk this up to being a rough day but it was the last really warm day in a while (so Mr. Skilling says) and I was hoping to head to the pool today or somewhere that was not the house. When they are acting up it is hard to decide to take them out because if they do not listen at a pool then worst case they drown... anywhere else I am sure I could come up with some equally horrific scenario. Also I want them to learn that behaving well = fun; conversely that not listening pushing limits having a poor attitude = not so much fun.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009


More Presents!!!!

Peas in a pretty pretty dress
I just like this picture. I want to get a picture that accurately shows how long this child's eyelashes (seriously they are miles long and they curl so amazingly) are so far....no luck but as this shows I am getting closer

In the past year

Sunday, July 12, 2009

This is a reflection on the past year.

So much has happened. Births, deaths, joy sadness, surprises, shocks, good stuff, bad stuff, ehh stuff. So much of that stuff at the moment seemed crucially important. But sitting here now I can't remember a lot of it.

I have been very blessed in the past year- I have had a lot of losses too but the good has been great- admittedly that bad has sucked royally too. Today though I chose not to dwell on that right now.

There have been a lot of surprises. So many friends have been there for me. So many have been supportive and encouraged me and expected me to grow as a friend, as a woman, as a mother.

This year has been challenging. Learning to open myself to vulnerability to accept my weakness to be open about it, to open my heart to friends and trust them not to hurt me. The good news I have been pleasantly surprised

Good Morning....

Last night was a LATE night for the kids. So why Stinky woke up this morning at 7 am padding into my room saying 'its morning time mama!' I cracked one eye open- it was indeed morning. Very morning. After the fun and busy and chaotic day that we had yesterday I had kind of counted on the kid sleeping a little later than normal. Nope no luck here!

Yesterday was the older two kids joint birthday. Why, you ask as their birthdays are two months apart?? Simply put, I am lazy- the thought of organizing two birthdays for the kids approximately one month apart makes me nervous. Considering I get terrified and stressed before having people over twice in as many months would not be a good thing.

So food was ordered- 4 ft sub that was devoured in minutes- seriously minutes- so pizza's were ordered- which are also gone. We also had fruit salad- also gone- pasta salad -about a cup left- baked beans- gone- chips, pretzels, salsa, veggie tray, guacamole- all with essentially none left over. Oh and the big thing: alcohol- 2 cases of beer- case of Mikes- and a heck of a lot of hard alcohol. gone. I forgot how much people drink.

It was a good party. Lots of people. Kids had three kid pools in which to splash in and play in- which they did- the grass looks a bit squishy now still. They loved it.

Not to forget the cake. We sang twice- once to each kid- they loved it- and the cake. Then the presents. Every year I hope to not write vague thank you notes that do not somehow thank the person for coming and celebrating with us without mentioning a gift because the presents were torn into so fast that I could not keep track of them- sadly this years thank you notes will be very similar to the years past: "Thank you for coming- we were so happy to see you" or some variation thereof. as Cubs fans say "There's always next year!"

More pictures

Thursday, July 9, 2009

and you thought I was all talked out for the night

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

ha ha ha.. shows how little you know me.

One of the shows that I watch and actually tivo is "So You Think You Can Dance" a dancing style "American Idol" thing. I am not a huge tv watcher so the fact that I am so dedicated to this says a lot. But I am.

As a dancer (poor as I may be) I love watching these people and how they move. I love watching their strength. There are fun routines, trainwrecks, and exceptional. Tonight was special. The second dance of the night was choreographed by Mia Micheals who in my humble opinion is a genius a gifted genius. It was about addiction.

When she does a moving piece and the dancers get it they get it. Tonight they got it. It was special and very powerful.

As someone who struggles daily with addicition (yes eating disorders are very very similar to addiction) and someone who has watched her friends and family struggle and battle and win and sometimes lose the on going fight it was very very moving.

Kayla and Kupono were brilliant. Just brilliant. I am still speechless over it. The control the fight the emotion in this dance were exceptional. Watching Kayla fight with her 'addiction' and his concentrated control to draw her back and her fight to escape were amazing.

I cound see her body expressing feelings and words that I can't do with words alone- there are no words- but physically she did it.

The biggest thing for me is I cried. those who know me know I am not a crier. I would love to cry more. I would love to 'let it all out' but what 'it' is and if I could ever regain control of myself if I let it go i have no idea. So I can't cry. Tonight I did. not weeping sobs but just feeling like someone gets it. Feeling connected feeling relieved. Feeling. Just Feeling.

Quite the day

I had a few interesting emails today...

Someone was surprised to see my husband was newly dead- Ummm ok did I miss something? Ok whatever...

my wonderful first husband from whom I am happily divorced has found me. Lovely. moving my family into a bomb shelter would seem appropriate action at this point. So dear ex husband of many years- please leave me and my family in peace. And I have 2 very big dogs.

My Husband

wanted to share some pictures.

Pictures from the day at the beach

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Oh Wow.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Princess just came to me and told me in no uncertain terms that she has been thinking and is afraid of dying. Well, me too. I am afraid of her dying, of Peas dying, of Stinky dying, of me dying...the unthinkable all of it.

Why can't she ask about sex? I am much better prepared to discuss that than death- death is so sad. I have lost too many people- she has lost people- but why now? Why this week? Why?


Princess has always been a shoe gal. They were her first favorite article of clothes. She would line her shoes up on her floor by pairs as a toddler. She had more shoes than I do- I think she still does.

One time I took her to Babies 'R' Us and she picked out a pair of sandals. She loved them. She bathed with them on later that night and slept in them- the theme has continued. Princess is a true girl in that shoe shopping falls under her list of competitive sports- and she takes it seriously now debating the pros and cons of particular pairs comfort- style- colors etc. Even though she has an issue getting the correct shoe on the correct foot- she loves her shoes. Soon I can take her and have her be my personal style consultant.

Anyway. Despite the plethora of shoes that she owns- there does not seem to be a shoe designed that she cannot walk out of. Tevas, regular sandals, gym shoes, any of them she can walk out of effectively. It is kind of a comedy- a frustrating comedy but a comedy. Short of duct tape any ideas?

Day at the beach

Sunday, July 5, 2009

It is not really a beach- more of a sand box. It has no entry into the water aside from stairs and a pier but it still was fun.

A last minute trip but most impulse things are fun anyway.

So today the day after a dreary wet fourth my family loaded into my sexy minivan and off we went.

Princess had been a few times before, as had Stinky, but this was Peas inaugural journey as it was the Huskies first time there and in the water.

After a few false starts (who can remember everything the first time out the door) we were actually on the road- and no one was fighting- yet.

Once arriving we had the obligatory greetings the 'hi's haven't seen you in a while' comments shortly enough we were on the way to the lake (which is a glorified pond) and on the boat for Peas first ride. Suited up in life jackets, with enough adults for each child, piloted by UT we began a slow tour of the lake refreshed by spray ever so often- we watched the tubers, the skiers, the wave runners tried unsuccessfully into getting the kids excited about tubing. Peas ended up being in love with the boat, and eventually exhausted by it. While Stinky and Princess stood up and enjoyed the wind and the spray.

The kids love their extended family. They are for the moment the youngest on that side and can rest on the laurels of adoration. They know it. Sand castles were built and destroyed in tragic sieges fun was had. After an impromptu family dinner in which Peas out ate everyone (girl loves her chicken- eating with two forks...while feeding her self she was simultaneously prepping the next bite). Then packing everyone back up and heading home...they were asleep before 10 minutes into the trip.

It was a great afternoon. As much as I can complain about my in-laws you will never meet nicer or more generous people than this particular branch. I am so very thankful for them.

Happy (wet) Independence Day!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

There should be a rule. It should have to be way to hot to be reasonable and not rainy- ideally sunny and glare-y so sprinklers and water balloon fights are appealing.

Today it is chilly and wet and rainy and yucky. ewww. I do not want to take the kids to the fireworks at the county fairgrounds to wade through mud and trudge to wet grass and sit- conversely I do not want to miss the fireworks- they are always a family tradition.

So it is not nice today. But we had fun (kind of) anyway. We did not walk in the parade today. Instead the kids watched one. They had never seen a Fourth of July parade. They had only been in them- they love that even more than watching them I think- what kid does not want to be at the center of attention with crowds literally lining the street waving at them?

But today we were spectators. Princess loved it. She danced with the flags and clapped and cheered- and chased candy with the other kids. Stinky was a bit confused- he did not 'get' the candy for a while and there were some snotty greedy kids next to us who did not let him have much of a chance. He got some anyway. Peas was confused. She liked it but was into it like the other two.

Then we trekked home. Instead of a BBQ or fest or something the two older kids got to see their first movie in a theatre. As mentioned before- I am not a movie theatre fan- so I did not go with them for this first. Kinda sad about that. I think it would have been fun to see their faces as the lights dim and the previews start. I stayed at home with Peas and tried (and failed) to get her to sleep. When the two older ones got home I got to hear all about it- the verdict- movie theatres are fun. I may just have to buy shower caps for them to ease my lice fears.

Sometimes it is hard to be happy

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Some days it is harder than others. My body feels heavy. My heart heavier. getting up getting moving making breakfast, being enthusiastic, being energetic is all an act some mornings.

I could say it is all B's fault- me being on my own- being overwhelmed. So now what? What to do?
Its not all his fault (a minor concession). A lot of it is my insecurity. Can I do it? Am I a good mother? Am I worth it? Can I deal? What should I do?

In Other News: Mother Nature Hits Menopause...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The weather here has been interesting- or schizoid- or hormonal- or something.

It feels a bit like Mother Nature may be entering the 'Change of Life'. Which may be appropriate- considering the climate change issue with global warming.

So I'll use the analogy that the rains the week before last could be considered hormonal mood shifts. The heat wave last week could be considered a hot flash... now this weeks cooler weather maybe the result of night sweats??

So my answer? Mother Nature has hit the change of life.

That is how babies are born?

TLC's "A Baby Story" has provided quite an education for my five year old as to how babies enter the world. Today was a natural midwife attended birth- there was quite a bit of distress from the mother- and help from a doula and the midwife to ease the mama's pain. Princess's eyes got wider and wider she asked very appropriate questions as to what was happening and actually shockingly I knew the answers.

We discussed how it is a lot of work to have a baby that it can hurt but there are ways to help she liked the idea of the big bath tub the best. She really likes watching these shows- she loves rooting for the gender of the baby and cheering the mama on. She has also announced that she does not want to have any babies because she does not want to bleed-- so maybe I could use this as future birth control.

She did ask if it hurt to have her and her siblings. Again I answered as honestly as I could that it did hurt but it was worth it a million times over. That I had a lot of help and I was so happy that they were here.

Well that is news

Congratulations to my big sister on her news of expecting a baby!

I hate to say it but I was totally shocked!


Lots of prayers that all goes smoothly!