and you thought I was all talked out for the night

ha ha ha.. shows how little you know me.

One of the shows that I watch and actually tivo is "So You Think You Can Dance" a dancing style "American Idol" thing. I am not a huge tv watcher so the fact that I am so dedicated to this says a lot. But I am.

As a dancer (poor as I may be) I love watching these people and how they move. I love watching their strength. There are fun routines, trainwrecks, and exceptional. Tonight was special. The second dance of the night was choreographed by Mia Micheals who in my humble opinion is a genius a gifted genius. It was about addiction.

When she does a moving piece and the dancers get it they get it. Tonight they got it. It was special and very powerful.

As someone who struggles daily with addicition (yes eating disorders are very very similar to addiction) and someone who has watched her friends and family struggle and battle and win and sometimes lose the on going fight it was very very moving.

Kayla and Kupono were brilliant. Just brilliant. I am still speechless over it. The control the fight the emotion in this dance were exceptional. Watching Kayla fight with her 'addiction' and his concentrated control to draw her back and her fight to escape were amazing.

I cound see her body expressing feelings and words that I can't do with words alone- there are no words- but physically she did it.

The biggest thing for me is I cried. those who know me know I am not a crier. I would love to cry more. I would love to 'let it all out' but what 'it' is and if I could ever regain control of myself if I let it go i have no idea. So I can't cry. Tonight I did. not weeping sobs but just feeling like someone gets it. Feeling connected feeling relieved. Feeling. Just Feeling.