I had all of my music on "shuffle" today; which if anyone listened to it they would think I have several personalities- everything from classical, to opera, to hip hop (and more- I think I have things from every genre on my ipod.
Canon in D came on and I immediately got goosebumps. I turned it up and let myself sit and go remember. This was the song my sister walked down the aisle to be married with.
I really did not want her to get married. Change is not easy for me, and her getting married would be a huge change. My sister is several years older than me, and while I never had a traditional sister relationship with her, I love her fiercely. I felt somewhat safe with her, not like I had to play a mental chess game. I idolized her and saw how much my parents loved her and respected her and was (am) jealous. I could never be her. I could never be as good at (insert something here) as she is. My father told me I would never hold a candle to her - maybe when I was 7 or 8... and I carried that around with me forever as a reminder that she would always outrank me. There was a photo of her with her violin and I slept with it because I wanted to be just like her. Desperately, I wanted to make my parents proud of me, like they were of her and I always fell short. Always.. As an adult that is hard, but as a child it was crushing.
So here getting married felt again like I wasn't good enough to have her as a sister- that she wanted to be with someone else, and I was so hurt.
On her wedding day she was beautiful. She was radiant, glowing and so in love.. just what a bride should be.
Its been over 20 years since then and she is still amazing. I have not lost my sister- we have grown closer now that we have somethings in common. She has three great kids and is an inspiration to me as a mother and a wife- more than a few times I have thought to myself "what would my sister do?" before saying something or doing something that would be rash.
The song still makes me cry and gives me goosebumps though.
And she really was the most beautiful bride.