And then I kind of disappeared? So what then heck?
When B got hurt, and I had my hip surgery, I got kind of thrown. Then my kidney acted up and spend lots of time in the hospital and fell into a depression and anxiety that just couldn't lift.
Sure-- B didn't help one of the more cutting things that he said that still sticks with me was, "normal people aren't this sick" I needed to get it together- like this was my choice or my fault. It really hurt and was very cutting.. If I could get my body to cooperate I would in a heartbeat.
Then horrible news-- I carry the BRCA1 gene and hysterectomy. So more surgery. More kidney. More depression-- and so much went to hell.
I felt like I was holding my life together with string and a prayer. I didn't even have pole to fall back on.
My blog has always been kind of open about my struggle with mental illness so I feel I should be frank about this too. It was hard. And I made the biggest mistake than anyone could make. I went off my meds--- stupid I know. So stupid. I felt initially like maybe my brain could figure itself out and I wouldn't need meds to regulate my brain chemistry. I'd go off my anti-anxiety meds-- but I won't dare go off of blood thinners.... why do I give blood thinners so much more importance than my mental health? I am back on my meds. Things are normalizing.
Depression and anxiety are beasts-- they just follow and sneak up when I am not expecting it.
In a nutshell that is where I have been.