Saturday, February 9, 2008

Ok so here I am in the hospital leaking amniotic fluid 33 and 6/7ths weeks pregnant with my third child it is 1:45 am and I cannot sleep. My mind will not stop. Well, I am usually a little over active but I cannot settle right now. I feel like I have sat for too long. I need to get up move, do SOMETHING, anything.

My husband is sleeping on the pull out sofa right now. No one makes as much noise as he does. Seriously, from eating to sleeping this man is not quiet ever. Burping, gas, everything and it annoys me. A lot. Yes they are functions but come now...is there a limit? I don't remember this much crap from when we were dating. I could be being too irritable...I admit that. How do I accept it? How do I let it go? Maybe there is something wrong with me that I am so irritable and crabby.

Why do I get so annoyed with the snoring?? I feel like he can do something about and he doesn't.

The worst of it is my husband whom I am supposed to love above all else, annoys me not only with the noises but just in general. He irritates me, and I am scared. I am scared that means I am falling out of love with him. I am scared that it means our relationship is not as strong as it should be, as it could be, as I want it to be. I am scared that one day we will pass some arbitrary point of no return and then we will be miserable until we split or until we die. I don't want that. He is a wonderful father and sweet man who does love me, he does care about me.

Some of the time I wish we had more in common. I am a reader. I love books, probably a little too much. I get excited about going to the library because you get to be with all of these thoughts, stories, etc from so many truly brilliant people who changed history, who changed lives, and we get to share in it. We get to learn from it; be entertained by it. Weird huh? Who gets that excited about books? My wonderful husband, not so much... I know he has read, but not much, at all.

He is a techy dork. Loves it. I am not fond of it, at all. I can never get it to work for me, ever, it breaks, or doesn't work right, and I hate it. Why have some thing to do something to make something 'easier' and have it break spend 20 minutes fixing it when you could have just done it the way that it has worked for years? Basically the if it is not broken do not mess with it stand point. Oh well.

TV. I could take it or leave it. eh. I have other things to do, books to read, etc. B would have a heart attack if we got rid of cable. I would jump for joy. B likes science-y shows, I get that. To an extent. there is almost always a death and destruction element to them: the world will end like this and we will all die!!! If I wanted to get depressed I would read my old journals. Not sit in front of the TV to be 'entertained' being told how the world will end. Not my cup of tea. Thanks.

Sometimes I feel like B and I have very little in common, not enough to build a life on.


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