The reference is from Les Miserables when Valjean spent years running away from himself, from who he was, and later learned to make peace with himself and accept himself.
Not really; But I had the opportunity yesterday to do some serious soul searching and I was able to
realize a lot about who I am and what I want.
I am a naturally excitable person. When out of control (thanks medication!) this tends to mania and severe anxiety and panic. Normally, I just get excited about silly things. Happy dance over snow?? That's me. Happy dance over a thunderstorm? Yep, I do that too. Happy dance over a heatwave? Got it covered. Same with the first flowers, beautiful leaves swirling and other natural phenomena. You should see me when things get really exciting... like when my kids learned to walk and talk. I did cartwheels. Really. Seriously. In the front yard.
This excitability that comes to me naturally is not a bad thing. I am a very passionate person. I feel others pain, I feel the injustice others deal with deeply and hurt for them
I don't want to change that. I don't want to pretend to be someone else. I did that for years- it sucks. I managed to totally lose who I was and have to go through a lot to get back to me.
I am who I am. Passionate, excitable, enthusiastic and loving. I am not changing. I don't want to. Even if I wanted to- I couldn't.