Its the 2 step!

One forward, backwards. sideways, throw in a few front-rolls, maybe some back-rolls for fun....

It is the Eating Disorder Dance. Some days are better than others, some days I feel trapped in my mirror looking at things that are growing in ways I do not want them to grow.

Then I forget to eat. Not hungry. What? Food? Who needs it--- why am I shaking?
Eat. Panic. Sweat. Real anxiety over eating.

Then the culmination. I weigh myself. I never weigh myself. Ever. I consciously avoid knowing my weight. It becomes and obsession. When I obsess over that number I become a mathematician of caloric content.

After a few weeks of backstepping, I am coming out of it again. Remembering. It really is a coping mechanism. Get overwhelmed? Compensate with food.