check this out

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(totally work and child appropriate)

If you are a single lady and you are ready to mingle

the place to be on Sunday morning is not church but your local Ultra Foods or the like. A word of warning- wear make up- and actual clothes- maybe even brush your hair.

at the risk of starving my herd I set off for the local ultra foods- despite the near epic journey to get there (the bridge was out) I arrived complete in - get this- hot pink pajama pants and a sky blue fleece. I did brush my teeth but my hair was pony tailed- oh yeah and I had a massive pimple on my chin and one that was seriously throbbing under my nose- no I am not in high school as much as my skin may like to think so.

As I am wandering the aisles trying to remember what we actually eat and mentally plan meals I notice not one, not two, but THREE groups of firemen also doing their shopping. Of course I look nary a ring in sight. All of the times I wanted to meet a guy and lamented the apparent lack of them in the world I could have just gone to the grocery store and met men who at the minimum were gainfully employed and hand managed to pass a backround check as well as a psych exam- very important qualifications for any guy who I would have dated (after a disastrous first attempt at marriage my standards included sanity......)

So a note to anyone girl who is looking- find out what time shift change is at your local fire department- then hit the cheap grocery store in the area about an hour and half later, and remember lip gloss never killed anyone.

I need a night to 'skank it up'

borrowing the phrase from one of my friends.

I am in DIRE need of a ladies night- preferably one that involves dancing and tushie shaking with my girlfriends.

The last time I went out with ladies was last YEAR. So I think one is due. Time to wear clothes that my husband would not approve of set my make up gun to 'whore' and drive my oh soooo hot honda MINIVAN to a bar/clubby place and laugh and play like I am not a mom with a house and kids and dogs and yes, the sexy mini van.

Girls need these times as a form of female bonding. It is important to us to know we are still attractive despite being in the kitchen at 6 pm working on dinner, being fussed at by children, wearing sheep pajama pants, without a speck of make up we can still clean up well enough to make a guy look twice.

so if any of my friends are interested please feel free to email me and we'll plan out night out- no kids- none.. with make up- and no pajama pants.

What is the minimum age for the lampshade award??

Is 22 months too young?? In our house last night we had a bit of a dance party and it got a bit wild. Babies gone wild- or a preschool house party term it what you will my children actually had a lampshade on their heads. I even have photographic evidence.

For as much attitude as they can dish out they can let loose and have a good time. Which I guess does not bode well for their high school and college days.

Another rather ominous sign is my Peas loves Janis Joplin and The Who. Maybe I should change her college fund to a 'rehab fund'.

Pile of puppies aka why I need a king size bed

The kids have their own beds. Really they do- even though they never sleep in them- they are there- at least it is easy to make them as they never get unmade. They do not sleep in their beds because they sleep in my bed- with me. Pretty much every night.

They love to cuddle. And despite the lack of sleep that the pile of puppies that my children seem to like to impersonate- they are really sweet and really cute. Princess will comfort Peas in her sleep- hold her and pat her- while she is still sleeping. Peas will snuggle up to her big sister and hold her hand.

Stinky curls up in a little ball next to me and hugs me. They sleep so much better in their puppy dog pile. As much as I dislike always being touched- they are so sweet together (most of the time).

A king size bed would be nice though.

Odd Education on Emotion

I have spent a fair amount of time in hospitals. I have been able to learn a few things. I can work an IV pump pretty well. I can silence alarms on monitors. In the past few years the majority of my time has been spent in NICUs cuddling my babies who for some reason or another have decided to make their grand entrance early.

NICUs are a very interesting place in the hospital. It takes a very special type of person to work there. Things are tense. Babies are sick, parents are stressed and scared, sometimes things are joyful, other times things are tragic. The emotional stamina to handle the intense emotions and the stress of the job is crazy- I do not know if I would be able to handle it.

But from where I have sat cuddling my babies I have had an opportunity to learn somethings about people and the people who work in NICUs as well as hospitals in general.

Compassion. The doctors and nurses who work with the teeny babies in the NICU are some of the most compassionate individuals I have ever met. They treat their babies with love and respect- often being the caring hands and arms when their parents can't be there.

When B and I have had babies in the NICU we were fairly confident when caring for our little ones. We were not intimidated by monitors or tubes- we were just there to snuggle our little ones. The nurses and docs though have to have the skills to inspire confidence in a pretty scary situation.

I can hear the different types of alarms and know what they mean- low SpO2, apnea, Brady's. I can talk the talk about human milk fortifier (HMF), the caloric intake of the preterm infant- about the TTN so common in the NICU all of that stuff.

but the sad stuff is taboo- no one talks of the stuff that is tragic. But please know- that those of us NICU parents who have been there have seen it. Maybe even done it. Please know that you are in our thoughts. Please know that we are praying for you.

Ok thats it

She looks sweet doesn't she? But under that sweet exterior lies an attitude that makes me what to have my head spin around and correct her in all sorts of ways not gentle or kind. Thankfully, I usually can filter and edit what I want to say into something that is much more appropriate.

Today though she is on my nerves- it is the holidays- stressful in the best of times- I am sick- also stressful- add the lack of sleep and I am fit to be tied. This is not to make excuses- this is more to look at my my first reaction under stress is to snap at people. So why?

Why when stressed to I revert to being snarky?

Got the message- thanks

Do you ever feel like G-d is trying to get a point across to you? Much like any parent- I would imagine he gets rather frustrated when his children are resistant to his point- much like I get irritated when the kids do not seem to understand my repeated requests for no running in the house.

So, obviously, I am at that point again where I feel like G-d is beating me on the head with a message that he has apparently been trying to gently get across subtly without much success. The funny part is now that I get it- I will forget it- much like my kids 'forget' my requests... over and over and over. Maybe I should have more patience- maybe this is a message in and of itself?

G-d- I appreciate your involvement and attention in my life.... got the point... remind me when necessary

In light of the upcoming holidays and the family drama that has already begun.....

one of my best friends and I have decided to start a new blog: Strange (crazy) in-law stories

Of course in my tenure in the H family my in-laws have provided me with a lot of laughable and frustrating moments- but I'd like to have lots of contributions from people.

email me (somewhatsinglemama@gmail.com) stories of crazy in law antics. You can remain anonymous if your like or you can give me an address and I'll link back to you.

Share the in law holiday joy (and frustration/irritation) with everyone!

Le Beaujolais Est Arrivé

who could not love a day dedicated to wine?

The third Thursday in November is the traditional release date for the first wine of the harvest- Beaujolais Nouveau. In France there are races and parties to celebrate it- how could you not? It is light, fruity and not to tannic.

Anyway- the first time I tried this wine was on my honeymoon. Since then I look forward to the day that reminds me of our honeymoon and how much we enjoyed it.

So last Thursday was Beaujolais day- and of course I got to remember our honeymoon- since then so much has changed- but I have fallen more and more in love.

Not worth the trouble

My kids LOVE fruit. They adore them. Rare is a fruit that they do not like. Last week we were at the store and they saw pomegranates. They have had pomegranate juice and liked it. Princess started lobbying hard for me to buy a pomegranate so they could try them.

These are fairly labor intensive fruits. For someone like me who routinely debates with myself about buying the pre-sliced apples- the effort required to get a pomegranate in an edible state is a bit excessive. Come on- the store posted INSTRUCTIONS (illustrated- step by step, no less) on how to get them ready to eat- this would be interesting.

Eventually- as my mom was there- and she would be probably more patient with the subsequent mess than I would- I allowed the pomegranate.

It was with great joy that the fruit was placed in the cart, then brought into the house, and proudly ensconced on the counter.

My mom (G-d bless her), agreed to be the supervisor of the pomegranate dissection. They are squirty- labor intensive fruits- that stain. The juice made it everywhere- counters, cabinets, kids....all of it. But they loved them. The little jewel looking seeds that are hard to get out made my kids day. They loved them.

But I think I'll stick with the juice.

these are the days

that I'll miss? really? sure about that?

I think not. I will not miss the back talk. I will not miss the hysterics. I will not miss the biting. I will not miss so much of the crap that goes on with little kids and is making me so frustrated that I am literally shaking right now.

My Stinky is having a very very hard time right now. I am having a very hard time with him. He has started this 'shooting' noise when he is pointing and he does it in response when I tell him something he does not like. It makes me nuts. I really really do not like it. He is also being unkind to his sisters. Biting, hitting, etc- but I am at a loss as to how to stop any of it.

Peas is well being a very needy 22 month old. She loves to put her feet on me and kick when she is nursing- not enough to hurt but enough to be bothersome. When she does it I make her stop nursing- then she has a tantrum.

Princess- oh my- she needs a gold statue for most dramatic performance. Anything happens and it is tears and hyperventilating and wailing. Mostly these outbursts are caused by her siblings retaliating to her bossy behavior. Also- shoes- she cannot keep track of them to save her life- or my sanity.

So what exactly am I going to miss about these days?

Super Mom

No not me. My mom.

it has come to my attention, again, how fantastic she is. I was a very 'difficult' teen (difficult meaning unmanageable- long since on the other side of normal teen attitude). My mom found help- got it- and stood by me (as did my dad but this post is about my mom so let me brag about her first).

So now more than ten years later she is still saving the day. A wonderful person to talk to when I need to vent- which admittedly is fairly frequently. She is helpful and thoughtful etc. All of that is great right? but when we REALLY need her. She is there. Right now she is helping my sister through some complications with her pregnancy. She has come and helped me after each child or any crisis when I needed her. She has always been there to take care of us when we just want to throw our hands up and be confused.

She helped me find a way out of my marriage when it was awful- she helped me learn to do this myself.

I guess that is the biggest thing. She helped me- but did not do things for me. She was like training wheels. I hope I can do that for my children. Not do things for them but get them pointed in the right direction and 'spot' them. Then watch them.

For all of the families who say 'they stick together' mine does. When it counts they are there. When I need any of them. They are there. I will be there for them too. Always.

That means more than saying you 'stick together'.

You haved arrived

in motherhood.

It is a 24/7 job. You do not get paid, you do not get any acknowledgment, or thanks, and a lunch break is usually taken 'tasting' food from the kids plates, and you get puked on or peed on- and it is not a big deal.

6 years ago if I got peed on or puked on it would have been a big issue. Now I can get pee'd on and I am thankful that it was a) not the carpet or couch- both are harder to clean than clothes b) thankful that I am not wearing anything that needs dry cleaning.

Tonight was a perfect example. The kids have colds. Not even bad colds but they are phelgmy- anyway- sitting at dinner Stinky started to cough- suddenly his cough changed from a 'cough' cough to a going to be sick cough- before I had time to react- he was. My reaction was calm more matter of fact than anything- because his sisters were now all 'eww'-ing and being rather dramatic. So after getting him down stripping him to his underwear- he proceeded to start coughing again. My first reaction was to move him from the carpet to the wood floor (cleaning is easier) he of course was sick again.

Before kids I would have been all kinds of grossed out too now it is just a part of life

I say a little prayer

Everytime I hear or see a police car, fire truck, ambulance. I think it is by virtue of B's career. Because I know what it is like to hear your husband is injured- because I know their job can be dangerous- because I know what it is like to worry about your spouse.

So every time I see one I say a little prayer for the men and women responding that they are protected and blessed. Nothing fancy- just a 'Please G-d look after them- protect them- guide them'. It makes me feel better.

I hope I am not the only one who says a little prayer for them. What they do is vital. Yet so often taken for granted or ignored. With every call they put themselves out there at the mercy of the public and the other drivers as well whatever the are facing on the call.

So please- say a little prayer.

Its over? Really?

Last night was a great I got to clean the kitchen without small people help. Then I got to fold laundry without help. Even better- the floors got wiped up again without help. When did a Friday night turn into that? Whats more- when did I start thinking sleeping in was until 7 am?

A funny note though- when I went to bed I heard Princess talking- confused I stopped in the hallway to listen- she was making letter sounds and 'sounding out' words in her sleep. Very odd. But cute.

Somehow the nights go so fast. I know I am a very light sleeper. Which is a good thing and a bad thing- I wake up when I am needed- but I wake up a lot when I am not needed as well too. My nights are usually dotted with waking looking at the clock and then listening to determine what needs to happen. Last night was no exception. The end result being that I maybe got 2 hours of sleep in 15 minute increments. One day I will sleep for a week- maybe.

Holding my babies

I'll admit it. My kids are great. They do whatever they are going to do with their whole mind, body, and spirit. Which makes for some really fun (and really frustrating) times. But today as I watch them play and interact I have to stop and take notice of what a miracle they really are and secondly what a miracle their relationships with each other are.

All of them were preemies. They did not 'act' like their gestational ages- but they were all petite. Looking at them now you would never know that the NICU was their first home away from home. Several years ago it would have been a much harder/much bigger deal that they even survived. Now sometimes I take it for granted that my preemies were born in a time when medicine and love were able to help them so much- by helping maintain my pregnancies and then by giving them a helping hand when they needed it after birth.

They bug each other as brothers and sisters do. It is part of the fun after all right? But on a deeper level they love each other very much. When one is hurt or sick or sad- they are quick to comfort and quick to hug and kiss. They empathize with each other and others which is something that society is loosing all too fast.

So I can look back at their baby books and remember how impossibly tiny they were. Then look at them now growing almost visibly. Exploring, learning, challenging...

I can hold them reading stories- mindful that in a few years they will not want me to read to them or snuggle before bed.

Period of adjustment

With the changes that our home has weathered in the past 16 months it is amazing that all of the people have made it.

Things will not 'get back to normal'. First- normal is a misnomer- second- we have to find a new 'routine' a new typical. All of us have to learn all of us have to grow. The issue is during this period of growth we have some growing pains. We have to learn our new way... forge a new path.

Growing pains are hard on all of us. I get frustrated- the kids are confused and looking for their home base and not finding it.....

To me finding our center as a family becomes even more important during this period than normal.

Finding time to do normal routine things-reading stories- eating meals together- become more important to us.

Mama v. Mommy

I prefer Mama. No idea why. but I have a preference when it comes to my motherhood name.

Mama seems more nurturing and more the type of mother I strive to be rather than 'Mommy' which can take a decidedly whiny note when pronounced "MOMMMMYYYYYYYYYY"

What do you prefer? Do you have a preference? I am hopelessly weird in that?

As a kid I never called anyone except for teachers Mr. or Mrs. So and So. The concept makes very little sense to me.

Now that I have children I find people (like my child's teacher) calling me Mrs. MarriedLastName as well as other children referring to me as such.

With the teacher and people I see regularly I always or most of the time say "oh no please call me....." which works great. But with kids- some parents look at me funny if I say the same. I understand that some people believe that titles and such are a sign of respect- that is great- but to me you should respect people based on the fact that they are people not on the idea that they are older. Respect greater than that is earned- and not by having a birthday- but by a thousand other things.

My children call their teachers Miss LastName but other adults are usually referred to on a first name basis. It does not mean they respect anyone any less just that titles are a bit superfluous.

What do you think?

A is for Apple-

Or Airway. according to my kids. Even though B is not there now he taught Princess the beginning of the ABC's using a mnemonic from school. "A is for Airway, B is for Breathing, C is for circulation, D is for disability...." so she has taught Stinky the beginning of the alphabet using the same device. Princess got some interesting looks when she was in preschool and would come up with 'Airway' for the classic what does "a" stand for and draw a picture. How do you draw a picture of an airway that is appropriate for preschool??

Thankfully she does not know the 'OPQRST" mnemonic for pain that would be interesting to explain.

I can't look at my own blog!!!

Seriously. I can't. I love the picture of Ali- but the moment I see it I start to weep. Can't believe she is gone.

She was beautiful

ali
Originally uploaded by somewhatsinglemama

I miss you

devastated

today I had to stop in and pay for her 'disposal' I hate that word. like she is garbage. She is not garbage. She is nothing like garbage. She is loved. and I miss her so much. I miss her sleeping next to me. Petting her soft head and rubbing her ears. Listening to her 'talk' to me.
Charlie misses his sister. He waits for her to come to the yard and play with him.
the kids miss playing with her they loved her.

I miss her amazing eyes. They were ice blue. She was stunning.
I don't know if she hurt. I don't know if she suffered. I am so so sorry that it happened like that- that she was alone. She should not have been alone- I hope she wasn't scared. seeing her on the side of the road was the saddest thing that i have seen.

Going to the office to pay made it so final. It made it real. It made it the end of her.. the end of Ali. The end of the dog that I fell in love with. So I felt like an idiot crying signing the paperwork for her. Nearly vomiting.

Sure we can get another husky. but not another Ali. Not another dainty- prissy girl who took no crap. She is irreplaceable.

So Ali- if you can somehow know what is in my heart- know that I miss you. Know that I love you. I am so sorry that this happened. You are missed. You are loved. Thank you so much for the great memories. You were a wonderful dog. I can't believe that this is the end. I can't believe that I will not see your face- that I will not hear your voice. I miss you. I love you.

Come on people- have a heart

We experienced tragedy today in the H household. Our beloved Siberian Husky escaped from our yard and was hit by a car- to our devastation she died.

The people who hit her did not stop and help her or call 911 or anything. They left. They broke my children's hearts and wounded me.

This dog was and is a member of our family. She will be cherished in our hearts and remembered forever.

If you are reading this-heartless beast who hit my dog and did not stop-please know how deeply you hurt my children; how dare you. Princess was wailing for nearly an hour over the loss of her dog. She of course said some profound things such as: "This is the saddest thing that has happened in my whole life" "it was not time for her to die yet"

Of course the kids want to replace her right away- maybe in a few months we will get to that point.

It took five years......

No I am not dead yet- just busy. (sorry)

We go to story time at our local library once a week. We were blessed this time in that all three kids have story time that coincide with each other.

Taking three kids anywhere can be hard though. And for the first time I lost one. One minute he was playing nicely with the puzzles. I bent my head to look at books and when I popped it back up he had disappeared. I started calmly figuring he had wandered into the stacks of books- I rounded up the other kids and we walked through the aisles calling him.

I could not find him. My heart started to beat a little faster. A thin sheen of perspiration appeared on me- and of course I started imagining all of the terrible things that could befall my sweet Stinky. I started walking faster- eyes darting a little more frantically. Then as I was beginning to tell the librarian what had happened. I saw his little blond head. My knees got weak- I bent down and hugged that little man. He was fine. Tears were streaming down his face and I was trying not to cry. He had wanted to look at videos- so he went over there- then he could not find me. He was scared. I was scared. But we were so happy to be back together.

The event may have been five minutes. But five minutes can seem like hell.