Too Cute!

Peas is excited about having a new brother, but she is a little confused by it.

Initially, when I first told the kids about the baby, she was very upset. Peas thought that having a new baby meant that we were getting rid of Pixie.

It was really sad to see her so upset but it was so sweet to see her care so much about her sister. She hugged Pixie, and said, "No! Keep Pixie! She stays!" Of course, I reassured her that Pixie was not going anywhere, we were just adding another member to our family.

I thought this was past and resolved but today again, she brought it up, and again was angry that I would consider getting rid of Pixie. She was relieved though when I told her Pixie would be staying.

Random Acts of Kindness

One of my internet friends is pretty awesome.

I woke up this morning having to massage my jaw to get it to unclench and feeling like I hadn't really slept.

However, reading her Facebook status update made me smile. She paid for a strangers order at the drive thru this morning.

This got me thinking. How awesome would it be to start your day like that? Maybe to have a crap morning and go to the drive thru and find that the person in front of you has paid for your order? What a way to turn around the day! The person who was working had to be touched also- how could they not be? Maybe they will be inspired to be a little kinder today. What a great way to start out the day, to know that maybe you turned someones day around (or made a good day awesome) or maybe inspired others to be kinder to others.

To my friend, you totally impacted my day. Because of reading your update, I will strive to be kinder today. To be more understanding. To be appreciative. Thank you, this is what the holiday season is all about.

Thanksgivings

My family was big into getting together when I was a kid.

One of the best was Thanksgiving. This is one of the few holidays that moved around a little, meaning we did not have a set in stone routine of where to go at what time... this was a little more fluid, over the course of my entire childhood five people hosted.

There were some set in stone traditions though, one of which was the local Turkey Trot. My mom, her friend, our neighbors, and my friends would run in the annual 5k, from the time I was 9 or so.

Then we would go back to my parents home and the adults would begin the days drinking with Bloody Mary's and the kids would hang out. We would have some basic appetizers, the best of which was my moms taco dip, this would begin at around 10 am, and it was fantastic.

Over the years the family has grown and shrunk, with people getting married/divorced, having kids, moving away etc. So there has not been a massive family thing in a while, that is really sad, but I will always always treasure the ones we had.

Pole Dancing as a Feminist Statement

When I first began pole dancing lessons I was concerned about betraying my feminist inclinations by doing something that seemingly objectifies women so blatantly. Honestly, this was one of my biggest concerns about the classes, how it would impact me ethically. How could I claim to be a feminist if I was actively participating in subjugation of women?

Or not.

One of the biggest surprises for me was how empowering it was to pole dancing. Yes, there is a large part of it based on sensuality and sexuality, but that is secondary to the confidence and strength that comes from twirling around the pole.

Embracing my femininity and sexuality does not mean that I am surrendering my identity as a feminist. To the contrary. I think that embracing all of the aspects including the sexual and sensual of my gender is more empowering. Additionally, how many men do you know who can climb a pole upside down wearing booty shorts and a sports bra?

So my initial impression and concern could not have been more unfounded. I am more aware of my body, my sensual side, my sexual side, I am a heck of a lot stronger, and a hell of a lot more confident.

Special Ed or not?

Peas has a speech issue and a sensory processing issue. She qualifies for services through the school district, we have decided to decline them at this time.

From February to May she received services after she aged out of Early Intervention, and honestly I did not see a large improvement. It was just a hassle to drop her off, pick her up, and work her schedule into running the big kids around.

This year we decided to send her to a private preschool where Stinky attended and flourished. It is not special ed by any means. It is play based and child led. We can not be more thrilled with her progress. She is talking in sentences. She has a best friend. She RUNS from the car to school. She laughs. She plays. She has grown so much in three months. I credit her school with most of this.

She loves it. I love it. The teachers genuinely love her. Most days I just want to hug her teacher I am so thrilled.

When Peas left school one day and said she wanted to invite A over for a playdate, in a full sentence, I darn near cried with joy. Seeing her grow into this wonderful little girl is just such a gift.

I can not express my gratitude to LECC or Sister Julie enough. I cannot thank H my neighbor enough for telling me about this school. It is just wonderful.

Small Businesses

With the beginning of the holiday season. Advertisers are working extra hard to win my business.

Most of them will not get it this year.

This year I am trying complete as much holiday shopping at small businesses as possible.

It is my personal protest to stores opening on Thanksgiving (irony here? Thankful for your blessings-- but must get MORE!). Sure, I may pay a little more, but I will feel better about myself knowing that I have supported actual people, not corporations.

The huge pressure to have the latest and greatest, or the most, the biggest, the best and to get it with the best deal possible is pervasive. I have fallen into the trap of refusing to buy things without it being a 'deal'. This year, I am trying to shift my focus.

This has to happen to others, right?!?

Grocery shopping is kind of stressful. I must remember to get everything I need on the first go, I must remain patient, I must, I must, I must.

So when I finally make it through the store and to the check out lane, get everything unloaded, and checked only to look in my bag an realize my wallet is not there.

-this has to happen to other people- It makes me want to scream.

After all of that, I have to go back home get my wallet and try again.

Honestly, it isn't the biggest deal in the world. I can pay for my groceries- so that is a huge blessing. I have a minivan to get me to and from the store- another big blessing. I have some great kids (who make me nuts), also another blessing.

does anything so typically "mom" happen to you?

What depression looks like

Depression does not always look like a pathetic pile of a person in bed, paralyzed.

Depression looks like my house, messy.

Laundry, unfolded.

Dinner, unmade.

Me, crabby.

Depression doesn't limit itself by appearing the same way all of the time either, it as a whole wardrobe of of get ups to try on.

Depression, wants me to curl up with it in bed under the cover and sleep. Depression is not a good bedfellow. No matter what it says.

Depression makes me cold. Cold to my bones. So cold that nothing can warm me. So cold.

Depression makes my head ache.

Depression is a sneaky cheating bastard. It makes me think that it has eyes for only me, but really is off visiting others, not that I would wish this visitor on anyone.

Good dinners

With four kids we have a host of different palates and dietary needs. It can be hard to find meals to please all of them. Sometimes a child is left with cereal or a sandwich.

Except "Make Your Own Taco Night" I announced it this morning and was met with cheers.

This is one of those meals that the members of our family who are gluten free, dairy free, or vegetarian (or just not in the mood for meat) can find something to meet their needs.

Spanish rice, meat, beans, sauteed onions and peppers, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, salsa, sour cream, and tortillas are all on the table. It becomes a free for all of kids hands scooping up their desired foods piling them on to their plates and then joyful chatter.

Peas Parties

Peas is a party animal. She always has been especially at around 3 am- she parties like no other.

Since she has been in school she has made friends with another little girl. They have bonded intensely. To the point that Peas refers to her friend as my 'A'. They are two peas in a pod. Previously, I did not think that it was possible for a child to match Peas intensity. A does, and it is amazing. They entertain each other and absorb the others energy.

Peas was invited to her first big girl birthday part for A. No other topic was discussed by Peas for a week.

Finally, it was time for the party. Peas practically was bursting with glee.

She got to the party and was greeted by A with a hug and giggles like they had not seen each other for years (it had been 2 days).

The party was at a gymnastic place which was perfect for the energetic 3 year old set. I asked Peas if she wanted me to stay and she looked at me, baffled, and said, "Mama, you go. My friend's party. You go." Some of the other kids were not as eager insisting that their mothers stayed with them. Peas care, she was just happy to be with her A.

I pity the person to get in the way of her and A.

Will I still have a place?

I have been out of my pole dancing group for a while now, since August 23 (but who is counting)

I miss it so damn much. It is awful.

A thought hit me this morning that scared me. What if my class has moved on with out me? What if the dynamic is gone? What if? What if there is not room for me in the class, or I can never catch back up?

Don't get me wrong, this baby is a blessing. But leaving something I loved and women I love stings a little.

I don't 'do' Halloween

Halloween. Yuck. I don't like it.

Religious and cultural differences aside, I just do not really get it.

What fun is there in being scared? What fun is there in pumpkins- they are messy and they smell bad.

The good part, I suppose, is the candy, but freezing your butt off to get a sack of candy seems like an awfully skewed effort/reward ratio.

I do not like scary movies, scary books, or scary anything. I do not like gore, I do not like surprises, I do not like one bit (Sam, I am).


I really just don't understand it. I'll pass on the pumpkins and take some turkey.