13 Years

Friday, January 20, 2012

On the 13th. I was a little busy this year trying not to have a baby- but the 13th did not go by unnoticed, especially because it was a Friday.

13 years ago I went to Utah. 13 years ago my life changed. 13 years ago....

My mom wonders why I do not just let it go. Why I still think about it. Why I am still dealing with it. Why it hasn't become something mundane.

Honestly, I do not anticipate it will ever be something mundane. I do not think I will ever let it go. How can I? How can I let go- essentially being kidnapped in the middle of the night by 2 strangers to fly across the country with my parents blessing, taking only a teddy bear, my violin, and my favorite book (I have always been a book nerd).

I remember it all so clearly, but like I was watching it, in the third person. It was cold (duh), there was a lot of snow. We got to the airport and the escorts (there are actual companies who supply people to take teens to treatment centers) and I had developed a report enough so that they let me go to the bathroom alone.

When I think back to that day, I have a reaction that I cannot explain. It is a visceral gut reaction. My chest burns. My eyes water. My breath is short. I become confused and disoriented. I cannot think of words to describe it.

So yeah. 13 years.


Sandra Kohlmann said...

I've never been through anything like this, but I can imagine it must be very hard. Congratulations on making it 13 years! And now, here you are with a beautiful family.

Dorothy P said...

I have to say that I always wondered what happened to you, Liz. It's so sad to realize that you didn't just move away, as I had presumed as a child, but that your parents essentially kidnapped you. I'm glad that you are stronger for your experience, despite your feelings of anxiety over the anniversary, and that you've managed to become this amazingly strong woman. I think that you could have taken it to a much darker place, but you've turned into a woman who is nothing short of amazing. I hope that you find comfort in the end result.

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