Fire!

Fire suppression is not part of my job description.  I do have a pretty wide job description- at last check I was not responsible for fire issues- that is why I have a fireman husband.  But of course- he was at the firehouse (why would be home when catastrophe strikes- it would be against all rules for him to be here for any crisis.

I put the twin comforter in the dryer.  Turned around to get a diet coke out of the basement fridge and the dryer started beeping with an error message that indicated to empty the lint filter.  Which I did do, really I swear I did.  I opened the dryer and smoke started pouring out (crap). 

Not good.

My mind blanked out. Kids out replayed in my mind over and over and over.  Kids out. Kids out. Kids out. 

Thank goodness our neighbors were home so they could go and stay warm there. 

I could not reach the gas valve on the dryer. nor could I reach the plug.  But I did know which circuit breaker to throw. Did that.

Called 911.

The fire department came. again.

Thank Heavens.  Our house is fine. The kids are fine. Just a little scared.  We will spend sometime cuddling and settling down.  But it could have been much much worse.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DRYER RUNNING WHEN YOU ARE NOT HOME.  

Kitchen Needs

As you know we have 5 kids.  Which means we have a lot of kitchen needs. Buying a ton of plates from major retailers gets really expensive really fast, especially when you factor in how often things break (we cannot get through a meal with out something happening). 

Somewhere along the line someone suggested shopping at  hotel supplier for some basics.  I found PeachSuite Hotel Supply as a great option for things we need all too often at great prices with an easy to use interface. 

One of the best things about buying hotel supplies online is not taking 5 kids out of the house into place with lots of things that could get broken- it would be like taking 5 small bulls to a proverbial china shop.  That would not end well.

While I have not used it specifically as a hotel amenities supplier I have to say that I would expect nothing less than great service and help from them.

Holiday Pagents

I am not the only parent who is having a hard time this year with holiday programs.

Bearing in mind that until recently I did not cry.  Last night I was biting back tears and distracting myself as much as I could.  I did not want to be *that* mama.

I read the article I know What Six Looks Like and I get it.  Six is Stinky wearing his glasses slightly askew. Six is him being so excited about his glasses. Six is him wearing his mouse ears at his show singing "Mousey In The Snow".  Six is him crying over his sisters being annoying.  Six is him insisting on cuddles before bed.  Six is his sweet little lisp as he tells me he loves me.  Six is my heart walking around outside of me with a huge grin ready to be great the world.

I can't even imagine not having my Stinky laughing and being kind.

I have no idea how I got so lucky to have him as my son. 

Pole Dance Free Style Memory Loss

The basic format of our pole classes is: meditation, workout, trick time, dance time.  Sometimes there is a moving meditation in there too but that depends.

I get all happy for dance time and then it comes an I'll start dancing and my mind will blank out. Fairy climb I get to the top of the pole and well then what? What can I do from there?  Sitting here at the table thinking about it I can list off somethings but in the moment I blank- test anxiety pole dance style.

First, getting up high kind a freaks me out.  I am short- and mildly klutzy (okay-- moderately)- staying close to the ground is to my benefit- I have a shorter distance to fall.

I can do some pretty fun tricks and I am really proud of them, however, incorporating them into a dance and staying fluid escapes me.  Figuring out what to do escapes me.

Sometimes I wish I could have someone just calling out trick names and I could incorporate them because sometimes I can only remember like two things to do.

... I don't know what happend for four days....

Lost time.

Me being somewhat of a type A control freak, this is a problem.

Thursday night I was at a class and I just did not feel right.  I got home and my boob hurt.  I just figured that I needed to nurse, thankfully little dude was more than willing to help out.

Husband went to meet some friends and I went down the rabbit hole. 

I started to feel so cold. Unbearably cold.  Since the kids were sleeping I popped in the bath to try and warm up. I took off my shirt and bra and saw a red, streaky swollen boob staring back at me. Mastitis. 

It went down hill fast.  I got wash clothes to use as compresses and a manual pump to help prevent milk stasis.  Then I called my doctor. I know there are lots of great ways to manage mastitis naturally.  Really- and they are great.  But I lack a great immune system and when I get sick, I get very sick very fast.  When she called back I briefly went over my history with her.  She called in an antibiotic script for me and told me to come in first thing in the morning. 

During the night I just got sicker.  In the morning I felt horrific. I went to the doctor and she sent me for IV antibiotics at an immediate care center- I was not ready to go right to to hospital.

But first Stinky had to go to the eye doctor, but that is another blog post.

At the immediate care center- I was offered two guys phone numbers-- then they found out I had 5 kids-- one of them must have been insane because he still was interested.  Then had a few rounds of antibiotics, bloodwork and a breast ultrasound.  I was sick.

That doctor decided that I needed to be in the hospital and sent me over.

I drove myself. 

Monday morning I was finally cleared to come home with no real memory of the intervening days.   This was a problem.  I needed to find my car.  After walking around for a bit in the parking lot- I found it.  How would I explain that one? "Sorry, can you help me find my car? I was really sick when I drove myself here and I have no idea what happened the next few days."

Everything is an emergency

I hear desperate calls of "Mama!" "Mama!" with a tone to them that make it seem like the cat is on fire or something.  It is usually something much more benign. Like needing a drink.

Peas is dramatic. She is.  She is also 4.  I have to really strive to remember that in her world the things she needs are an emergency.

It is not always easy.  I get annoyed.  But usually once she knows I am paying attention the desperate please of 'Mama!!!' calm down a little.  Really though don't we all want acknowledgement- for someone to pay attention to us?  Once we feel heard things are much better- its that way for Peas also, I guess.

Hyperemsis Gravidarum

Oh Duchess (or Princess) I feel for you.  

Hyperemisis ins not just morning sickness it is really hell, absolute and total hell.  It was wanting to die but knowing you wanted your baby.  It was actually considering abortion.  It was going on anti nausea meds meant for cancer patients.  It was painful.  I have had experienced it complete with home IV therapy. 

Whats worse is unless you have been there, you can't understand.

Hyperemesis can cause re-emergence of depression or anxiety.  It is very lonely.  

I remember wanting to hit anyone who brushed me off as having morning sickness- but I couldn't move without being dizzy or puking.  I questioned myself a lot-- was I doing the right thing? Was I just being dramatic?  Was my doctor treating me effectively? I desperately wanted to explain to my husband how hellish it was and being so angry when he minimized it. 

The judgement.  Oh the judgement was hurtful.  It cut deep. 


 The thing that helped the most was finding other women who had been there.  So my advice to anyone who has hyperemisis is to know that you are not alone.  You are not weak-  you are stronger than you know. 
Find a community who will support you and lean on them.