Please stop saying "I Can't"

I am not a closet pole dancer.  I am very open about it.  When I tell some one new what I do, quite often he or she will say, "I can't (or couldn't) do that" to be followed up with one of the following: I am not sexy, I am not coordinated, I am not strong enough, I am not flexible, I am not that kind of person, I am not etc....

Here's the deal: ANYONE can pole dance.  It doesn't have to be sexy.  You don't have to be strong (that is why you pole dance- to get stronger).  You don't have to be flexible (if you choose to work on it- this will change). You don't have to have incredible confidence, pole dancing can help with that (I swear).

Pole dancing can be whatever you want it to be sexy or athletic, full of tricks or not.  Its about YOU. No one else.  When I have done a routine with my classes- even though we are doing the same tricks in the same order to the same music each woman looks totally unique. That is awesome. No one else can dance like you- because no one else is you.

Stop saying "I can't".  You can.  If you don't want to or tried it and didn't like it-- that's fine.  But you can pole dance- everyone can.

I'll never be thin

Since I was in preschool I have thought I was fat.  I looked in the mirror at my ballet class and saw my stomach not be the right shape.  I cried and felt awful when my ballet teacher said I wasn't built for it (I resolved to change my body and work hard-- I was 8).

As time went on I became more displeased with my body.  I was angry with it, embarrassed by it, and disgusted by it.  So quite naturally I developed an eating disorder.

Now that I am in my 30s I still long to be thin-  but now I realize that I will not have a slender body.  I have a muscular body.  I build muscle quickly, and I am finally learning to appreciate this.  As a pole dancer, my strength and ability to build muscle come in extremely handy here.

Sometimes I find it hard to appreciate my body for what it is able to do-- but I need to keep reminding myself of what I can do, not what I can't.

Learn from your mistakes.

When I was a kid and I would mess up I would get yelled at for it, and feel so awful.  I was ashamed, embarrassed, sad--- all sorts of things.  To the point that when I made a mistake I would hide it so no one would be mad at me. 

I was responsible for something, and while it was my responsibility, I lost it. I was terrified of 'fessing up to what I did.  What if the other person was livid? What do I do?

After texting a friend and losing my shit, I called and explained what happened.  The individual- was kind and understanding. I was shocked. I was so used to the blow up, shame, begging for forgiveness.

I would rather have my kids learn this way than feeling afraid to tell me something.  If I was not afraid to tell people things, I could save myself a lot of trouble. 

Horse Crazy

I was a horse crazy kid.  Horse crazy is an understatement.  I was horse obsessed.  I eat, slept, and breathed horses.  I was always told that I would outgrow my love my for horses.  It has not abated a little bit yet.

My parents probably hated horses because I loved them so much.

Princess, my oldest daughter, is my child down to the horse crazy streak.  Since my horse crazy streak has not abated- it is something that she and I can share. So we are thankful to be able to care for one.

All of the kids love to go see the horses.  LittleDude loves the horses especially.  Of his little 18 month old vocabulary- 'horsey' is one of his favorite words.  He loves to feed them treats and hug them.  He has learned how to click his tongue to call them.

Its not just horses he loves. He loves dogs and cats, and everything he has ever met.  He runs up and greats them all with a giant hug. 

Hands

Everywhere I look I see my grandmother.  I see her in the hand sewn things we have around our home.  I see her in her beautiful penmanship in the letters she wrote to me in UT. I see her in my children when I make her fudge.  I see her in my cooking without measuring.

It stinks and is wonderful all the time.  I can tell stories about her.  I can remember her.  But I can't go talk to her. 

Not a day goes by that I do not think about my grandmother. 

Kids are people too!

Princess is growing up.  The other day a friend posted on Facebook a picture of her when she was a flower girl in a wedding-- she was 3. The picture seemed like a different lifetime ago. 

Now she is interested in grownup things.  She discusses social injustice, books, news, history etc with me.  It is a new experience to have a kid that I am relating to on an 'adult' level.  I have always given my kids the space to be who they are and make their own choices, giving her this respect has allowed my kids to grow into a their own people.

Princess is now a person I would happily hang out with and be friends with aside from a mother/daughter relationship. 

She knows that she does not need to seek my approval- that her approval is good enough.

Go back to the pole- back to the basics

I had a really bad experience at pole a while ago- it drastically turned me off.  It was not an injury or anything, I just was taken by surprise and my feelings really hurt.  It hurt me so deeply for a while I stopped going to pole for a few weeks.  I felt like the joy had been ripped away from me.

This is not nearly as flat as I want it to be-- but I need to get back into shape.

Thankfully- a great gym offered me a job teaching classes there and allowed me to come and practice there.

I got back on the pole and at first was really grumpy.  I had been away for a bit, had a major surgery, and then a minor surgery.   I hadn't fully come back from the first surgery and with all the time away I was not as strong as usual and certain tricks (some of my favorites) were not working for me.  That is maddening. Absolutely maddening.

But a great person, a great woman, a great poler- talked to me and in the end I had a great time again.  My tricks aren't back yet but soon.  

Giveaway time!

I am giving away a $50 Amazon gift card.  Sponsored by me.  I love having my readers email me and then become friends so I want to give something back.

Entering is easy:

Mandatory-

a) comment on this post.
b) follow my blog

Optional
a) follow me on Twitter @almostsinglemom
b) like my blog on Facebook linky
c) share this post with your friends on Facebook
d) share this post on Twitter

At 11:59 pm (central time) on December 14th, I will pick a random comment number.

Please leave me your email address either attached to your profile or in the comment- otherwise I can't get you your prize!

The winner will have 3 business days to get back to me and claim your prize or I will donate the gift certificate to charity.

Quiet around here lately

I haven't been blogging a lot lately, I apologize. I have taken on a lot of freelance projects and some longer term work so I have not had a lot to say here.

You can tell what stage of life I am in because we got a new dishwasher and I am thrilled.  I am giddy about a dishwasher.  What has my life come to?  Excitement over an appliance?

Our old dishwasher was on its last legs of its last toes for a while.  It needed to be hip checked to get the door to close.  It was really a rinsing machine not a dishwasher.  It was pathetic.  I think Pixie could wash the dishes better- in fact she has done a better job that the old dishwasher. 

Hooray for appliances making life easier!

The Kids Speech

Each of my kids has had his or her own word to mean breastfeeding. Princess called it "Ba Ba", Stinky called it "Nummies", Peas called it "Nursies", Pixie called it "Milky", now LittleDude (Scooter) calls it "Na Na".

Each of the kids came up with these names on their own.  How adorable can you get?  When a little kid comes up and looks up at you with big eyes and asks for milk.  Which is asking for closeness and snuggles, how can I say no?