I'll never be thin

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Since I was in preschool I have thought I was fat.  I looked in the mirror at my ballet class and saw my stomach not be the right shape.  I cried and felt awful when my ballet teacher said I wasn't built for it (I resolved to change my body and work hard-- I was 8).

As time went on I became more displeased with my body.  I was angry with it, embarrassed by it, and disgusted by it.  So quite naturally I developed an eating disorder.

Now that I am in my 30s I still long to be thin-  but now I realize that I will not have a slender body.  I have a muscular body.  I build muscle quickly, and I am finally learning to appreciate this.  As a pole dancer, my strength and ability to build muscle come in extremely handy here.

Sometimes I find it hard to appreciate my body for what it is able to do-- but I need to keep reminding myself of what I can do, not what I can't.


Stephanie said...

For the record, I saw these pictures and thought "wow, I wish I looked like that!". I hope you continue to have successes as you view your body and the strength it holds (not just in the muscles, but also in it's incredible abilities to grow and sustain children, it's incredible adaptability, and to allow you the health and happiness that comes from your hobby!)

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