God Bless Antibiotics

How did people live before these developments?? Seriously?!?!?

The week Peas came home B was out of town. He was kind enough to bring back a virus that got my mom and I sick. Princess and Stinky were marginally ill but largely escaped any lasting damage.

I was not so lucky. Two and a half weeks after 'feeling a little off' and chalking it up to a minor cold or fatigue from having a baby I dragged myself to the Immediate Care center, because it was the only time when I had someone there to watch the kids.

The doctor came in examined me and announced I was "a giant walking bacteria". Thanks doc...what are you going to do about it?

I knew I was sick, I didn't come here for you to tell me that. The 105 temp and the coughing blood gave that away....

I left with a prescription for three antibiotics and diagnosed as: Dehydrated, ear infection, sinus infection, strep throat, kidney infection, and bronchitis... I drove home and showed my discharge paperwork to my husband and mom and we all had a good laugh, that I thought I had a cold.

So now 5 days later. I feel comparatively great! I can breathe, I am not coughing up blood, and I have some energy that is not caffeine induced. God Bless antibiotics.

Though as an aside: it is amazing with all of that Peas did not even get a sniffle. Her pedi said that it was because she was nursing so much that she stayed healthy...

I probably will not fill the antibiotics, I would rather let my body do its own thing.. yep weird.

Big day

So much has happened! I hardly know where to begin. To my family no I am not pregnant...just to put everyone's mind at ease.

Today was Peas's 1 month check up. She is getting so 'big' 5 lbs 12 oz. For her that is HUGE! Considering a mere month ago she was 3 lbs 15 oz.

Also today Princesswent on an adventure with Grammy. She was thrilled. I put on a brave face until she pulled away in the car, then cried. Why is it always harder for the moms? Sometimes I forget how attached to her I am and take her for granted. The house seems too quiet without her silly giggle and bouncing energy...remind me of this sentiment when she returns and I would give anything for quiet. My comment on attachment above got me thinking about attachment and attachment parenting and kind of an open question is who becomes attached to whom through AP? I feel like I am more dependent on my babies than they are on me, goodness I need a life.

Yesterday was a HUGE day. We went to Cosley Zoo. Peas 's first non doctor appointment outing. They had lambs there that were less than 24 hours old. They are adorable. Just an FYI.

Princess recently has been asking about the Cross and Jesus. I have no idea how to answer her questions. I do not want to freak her out and say bluntly "Christians believe he is God's Son and he died to save us". Her questions make me long for religious and spiritual guidance that I do not even know where to begin to look for.

Sorry this is terse. Peas is resting on me and needs a snack now

deep thoughts

deep for a wading pool that is.

So many people I know are going back to school and I am jealous. (my internal dialoge is playing the "Jealous Again" song)

I have wanted to go back to school for a while now. . Do I want to sign up for that? Do I want to sign my family up for that?? More over the loans...do I want to sign up for that. I did find a not-for-profit that would pay my loans after working for them for 5 years, but that is a huge time commitment. I do not know if that is something I can sign everyone up for that. If it is fair.

I had a friend over for wine the other night. Yea, a diet of wine, truffles, and probiotics does not sit well with a person who has not had anything to drink for six months. I was pretty far done after three glasses over 6 hours...light weight I am. (I am so embarrassed).

a bottle of wine and a straw

Is what I find myself wishing for. It is 5:40 pm central time and I am on my second glass of wine.

Poor Stinky has had a rough couple of days, and I do not know why, which makes it so much harder. If I knew why I could help but it could be any number of things; tired, adjusting to Peas, teething, or hitting terrible twos...

so I find myself grateful my husband is home and I can hide for a few minutes and find solace in merlot

"my butt pushed him"

...and other Princess-isms.

Today as always the kids were after each other, at several points. At one point during the day we were in the kitchen and Princess was standing on a stool. Stinky climbed up with her hoping against hope that in the past 10 minutes he grew the two inches required to see over the counter, well he didn't (no really??)

Well Princess 'bumped' him off the stool. After consoling Stinky, I confronted Princess and asked her what happened, why she bumped him off... her reply "my butt pushed him, it did not want him up there"

Now how do I counter that??

poor stupid man

I love him, I love him, I love him....it is what I am telling myself over and over and over in a potentially vain attempt to convince myself.

ugh..somehow, in some world, in some weird testosterone-y dimension my husband thought it would be a good idea to buy Stinky a screw driver set.. ( ) What does an 18 month old boy need screw drivers for???

His comment was they were for him to play with when he (husband) was working on something. (yeah okay)

My thought: I truly appreciate the fire department and the 911 system in the area; I do not want to get to know the medics or the ER docs on a first name basis though. the 'toys' will also be great for impaling his sister with. Sure enough it took about 10 minutes for him to figure out that they are GREAT for chasing Princess with...in short order they were confiscated and DH was instructed to clear any toy purchases through me first..

what a choice, or lack thereof

Recently, our youngest daughter was in the NICU. The night before she came home B and I decided to see a movie, as kind of a reminiscing thing....When princess was in the NICU we saw a movie also and commented that it would be the last time it would be so easy to see a movie...different theatre, different film, same comment.

This time we saw Juno. In the context of the circumstances of when we saw it; I was left thinking about so many different things that did not leave me comfortable.

When I got pregnant with Princess(and Stinky) B and I were not married. When I learned I was pregnant with Princess my first thought and feelings were not joy and elation, but fear and things that are much more shameful to admit. I did not want a baby. I was in no position to have one. Neither was B. Like Juno, we were 'ill-equipped". The doctors were surprised that I would even consider keeping the baby, whether to give up for adoption or to raise. They expected a woman such as myself; a working, unmarried, student to make the only 'reasonable' choice: abortion.

Technically, I do not know what I consider myself politically speaking. I do not like the idea of abortions, but honestly who does? Who grows up hoping for an abortion? I would venture to guess that most women who end up in that position do not A) take that decision lightly or B) rejoice in the fact that they are in that spot. It is a heart rending choice. Then again, I have to respect that as a woman who has experienced pregnancy and childbirth, it is not easy, it is not cheap, you need help and support. To demand that a woman go through that seems wrong as well. Especially if she was the victim of a crime.

Anyway... enough about that. I can't think about it right now. I get too sad.

Brian left the decision about what to do with the pregnancy to me. We looked at adoption, but decided to keep her for ourselves. Now every morning when I get up and see her and her blankie I have to believe that I did make the only 'reasonable' choice. I had that baby that God meant me to have. Having her changed me, changed my life, altered so much about me that I can hardly recognize the person I was before having her.

Making that choice would not have been possible without my family. Their support was immeasureable. I am grateful to have them.


An edit to add...

This should teach me to try and think deeply while sick and exhausted. The point I was trying to make was that I was happy to see a movie that showed other 'options' (I hate that word for it, it makes a baby sound like an upgrade)