devastated

today I had to stop in and pay for her 'disposal' I hate that word. like she is garbage. She is not garbage. She is nothing like garbage. She is loved. and I miss her so much. I miss her sleeping next to me. Petting her soft head and rubbing her ears. Listening to her 'talk' to me.
Charlie misses his sister. He waits for her to come to the yard and play with him.
the kids miss playing with her they loved her.

I miss her amazing eyes. They were ice blue. She was stunning.
I don't know if she hurt. I don't know if she suffered. I am so so sorry that it happened like that- that she was alone. She should not have been alone- I hope she wasn't scared. seeing her on the side of the road was the saddest thing that i have seen.

Going to the office to pay made it so final. It made it real. It made it the end of her.. the end of Ali. The end of the dog that I fell in love with. So I felt like an idiot crying signing the paperwork for her. Nearly vomiting.

Sure we can get another husky. but not another Ali. Not another dainty- prissy girl who took no crap. She is irreplaceable.

So Ali- if you can somehow know what is in my heart- know that I miss you. Know that I love you. I am so sorry that this happened. You are missed. You are loved. Thank you so much for the great memories. You were a wonderful dog. I can't believe that this is the end. I can't believe that I will not see your face- that I will not hear your voice. I miss you. I love you.