No Hate

Hate is one word that we do not use in our house.

It is one of the words that I do not let my kids say.  We also avoid words such as stupid, dumb, retard, gay, etc

Honestly, I do not mind nearly as when the kids say other inappropriate words, such as the 'f word', but that has only happened a few times, mostly because I said it when I broke a toe.

Why do we not say hate??

Hate is too strong.  Hate, to me, is associated with violence.  Violence in general is something I seek actively to avoid.

It may be harmless so to speak to say you hate coconut (for example)- but really do you hate coconut or do you just really really intensely dislike it.  Hate is just too strong of a word to use.

What words do you not use? 

Mental Block or something else...???

I have posted before about my need to wear glasses.  I wear them all the time.  I truly dislike taking them off- with a passion.  I can't see and I feel very vulnerable.

Like my mom, I have poor hearing, especially when there is lots of background noise or poor acoustics.  I can hear that something is being said but I cannot decipher the words.

However, I noticed that I feel like I hear better when my glasses are on- kinda crazy right? Maybe it is because when I have my glasses on I can pair what sounds I hear with lip-reading skills.

Either way, I noticed this the other night at pole class.  I had been wondering why I felt so much more vulnerable without my glasses- not being able to see or hear properly would do that don't you think?

Attatchment Parenting--ahead of the fashion

So Attachment Parenting is the new thing.

Celebrities are doing it.  It is 'in' to babywear (in a non crotch-dangler), it is in to co-sleep (or bed-share), breastfeeding is cool now, cloth diapers are stylish, gentle parenting is the new rule, milk sharing is more mainstream, crying it out is out, and listening to our instincts is replacing listening to experts.

Thank goodness.

I am always behind the times.  Like terribly behind the times- on this though I am thrilled (and proud) that I was ahead of the curve- maybe the only time I have ever been 'ahead of my time'.

When I would wear my now 8 year old because she liked to cuddle, I would be told that she needed to learn to self soothe.  She couldn't learn to self sooth unless I showed her and made her feel safe.

When we opted out of most baby proofing in favor of being with the kids and watching them or just putting things away (like in storage, away)  that could be broken or injure them (like choosing green cleaning products--- goooooo vinegar!) I was told that my kids would be injured, poisoned, or whatever.  Thus far, no one has died and my children are learning to use their bodies adeptly-  I am usually observing ready to step in if there is an issue, but usually I let them be.

When we did extended breastfeeding with Stinky- I felt I needed to hide it.  I am proud that I have been able to nurse my kids for a long time.  We have an amazing bond and the benefits of breastfeeding are undeniable.

When we let Peas set her own pace for things instead of pushing her, I was told that I was doing her a dis-service.  Peas is an amazing girl- but stubborn.  Pushing her would prevent or delay her growing into the awesome kid she is.

When Pixie lived on my chest for months because she was happiest there, I was told she needed to be on her own or she'd have a hard time walking.  She walked at 9 mos.

When Little Dude crawls around the house that has not been sanitized I have been told he will get sick.  Actually- his immune system will be stimulated and learn to respond to threats.  By nursing him I am giving him a boost, but for your body to make antibodies- it first needs to be exposed to the bug.

Now, it seems that my weird parenting style is becoming more mainstream and people are seeing the benefits of it- yay!

Our instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them (use reason and good judgment too, of course, but our instincts are to care for and protect our babies by keeping them close).

(and as a post script- I just have to say it----- I told you so.)

Mother Failure

Do you every feel like you are a failure as a mom?  I do.  Often.  Like right now. 

My 6 year old is pouty
My 8 year old has an attitude
My 3 year old does not seem to have a pair of ears-- but she does have a death wish for climbing on EVERYTHING
My 4 year old is so mercurial I can't keep up
My 8 month old needs to be touching me at all times

The house is a mess even though I spend countless hours picking up.

It is so humiliating to admit this but I just want to be alone-- even on Thanksgiving.  I just want to be alone.  I am overstimulated and I need some time to decompress.

So right now I feel like I am failing as a mom and it is pretty rotten.

The cost of art

Art is expensive.  Paintings can go for millions upon millions of dollars.  Art museums charge high fees to view their galleries.

But that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking (or writing) about the cost of art at home.

My kids love making art projects. I have learned that nearly everything can be re-used in a kid's art project an experiment- side note- save toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls, and egg cartons--- add a little paint and you have hours of fun.

Its great to see them being creative and learning what happens when all of the colors are mashed together-- but it can get expensive!

Construction paper, butcher's paper, paints (several kinds), pastels, glue, glitter, sequins, yarn, clay, etc all add up. fast. 

I guess I have decided it is worth it.  Realistically, spending $4.99 on yet another stack of construction paper is a better use of that money than a lot of things, and hopefully some great memories will be made.  And that is priceless.

Happy when there is nothing to be happy about

I am just happy right now. 

Realistically there are no developments that should make me happy, in fact the general state of my things should leave me rather sad and anxious, but I am not.  I am content.

I have faith that what ever happens I have people whom I love and who love us and on whom I can depend.

There is immense freedom in that.  There is immense freedom in treasuring the intangibles of life, my family, my children, nature.

Last night, picking up my daughter at a friends home I looked at the sky and was so awed by the beauty and immense expanse of the night sky.

Pole pics

I have gotten a few question to pose pictures of pole tricks...but I have not been confident.

Please be kind.

I know these are easier tricks.... But I am really confident in these (I know the flatline needs to get more horizontal)

Throbbing Headache

This sucks.  I have to whine for a moment.  But it really freaking hurts.  I have had this headache for what seems like forever and a day.  I have napped, taken OTC meds, had baths, acupuncture (which actually worked briefly), homeopathy, tried caffeine, and water with no relief.  I am miserable.  My head will not stop hurting and there is nothing that I can seemingly do for it.

My head hurts and I am tired of it.  I am tired of pain.  I can't say I am angry.  I am just tired of it.. I want it to stop. Now--- yesterday even.

The kids are sick of it too.  I am snippy when it hurts and they have done nothing to deserve it.

Headache, headache, go away.... come back again another day (or never).

The Sock Saga

One of the things that annoy me most are the sighs and grumbles and under the breath mutterings that say so much with out saying a single word.

Today, I called my husband out on it, he does the under breath grumbles quite often.  He used to actually say something picky about it. So maybe this is progress, but whatever-- it bothers me a lot.  I am left feeling like I can do nothing right, or good enough, not a good feeling.

Wait--- for this story to makes sense you need context right?

Our house has a hard time keeping track of lids.  Lids to juice, to water, to anything--- it will get lost.

Last night husband was in the cupboard and noticed the Tylenol, and he noticed the lid was missing from the Tylenol (of course).  He grumbled, grunted, sighed heavily, and with an 'ugh' worthy of a Grand Slam Tennis serve, he shut the door.

I went on with the evening feeling less than, like I could do nothing good enough.  Thus the confrontation.

He defended himself saying that he isn't saying anything.  I countered that it was not what he was saying it was the message that was being put across.

Anyway, to the socks.  He takes off his socks next to the bed. and leaves.them.there. This used to really bother me- I told him so-- that in fact there were his socks on the side of the bed at that very moment and I just had to give it up and make the best of it... not grumble or endure it.  That now instead of grumbling about the socks I just pick them up and toss them down the stairs. No harm. No foul. Life goes on.

He had to walk over to the side of the bed to verify that in fact there were socks on the side of the bed- and that they were HIS socks.. Despite walking over to his side of the bed... noting the presence of the socks-- he did not pick them up.  Instead he just went downstairs. 

Be Kind

I get a lot of questions about how I manage 5 kids and what our house rules are.

To be honest-- I really don't have any set house rules.  Most of our 'rules' center around being kind and making safe choices.

To that end, I do not feel it is necessary to make rules.

If we respond with kindness and love what more can I ask?  If we make safe choices what more can I ask? 

My job is to model that.  To respond to them with kindness and understanding and to make choices to keep myself safe.

If I am going to be entirely honest, I screw this up all.the.time.  I get frustrated.  I get exasperated.  I get tired.  I get snappy.  Then I apologize.  I hope and pray that in doing so my kids will learn that kindness is our goal, but even mothers are people- and people make mistakes.

Forgiveness is also part of the deal- they make mistakes, I forgive them. I make mistakes, I ask for forgiveness. 

How much better would our world be if we focused on being kind? To others- family members, friends, or strangers.  Be kind.