Friday, October 24, 2008

My mother has left. She spent 2 and a half days here. There was a time in my life when I would have not been able to be around her...or she me. Our relationship was tenuous at best. Now we can-- in limited doses.

My mother is a great woman, a smart woman, a caring woman--who thinks differently than I do. Totally fine. But sometimes things bother me more than they should and sometimes I dwell.

Part of the issue is I am the youngest by several years and have gotten pigeon-holed as the baby. Despite growing up, finishing, school, owning a home, marriage, kids, etc I will be the youngest never allowed entirely to grow up.

This is complicated because the interaction is involved. I feel inadequate- like nothing I do is good enough or right and I feel like I am being judged-- and always come up short (pun intended). I am not saying that she is judging me merely that this is how I feel.

A complicating factor in this is my in ability to 'stand- up' to her for lack of a better word. I do not want to upset her and I do not want to disappoint her. I have done enough of that. I want to get it right...for once.


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