Forgivness

it is a topic I have been contemplating a lot recently. It is a hard concept to grasp and even harder for me to say anything concrete that makes any sense about. Bottom line we all need it.

I am not good at giving forgiveness. I am a grudge holder. It is not fair of me to ask forgiveness then, but I still want it.

Anyway.

I find myself wanting forgiveness but knowing I cannot ask the person I hurt for it. It is something that I did a long time ago. That I knew was wrong...felt trapped....justified it..did it anyway..and have lived with the guilt. So much that I have only told one other person about it. ever. How do you do that. How do you get forgiveness from someone who is unavailable to ask? How do you forgive yourself?