Saturday, September 4, 2010

This week/month/season has been challenging.

It has tested my strength and my patience and taught me some very very important lessons. The biggest being: I am loved.

It may seem like a basic thing but for me it is not. I spent a long time convinced, utterly convinced that my parents did not love me, that I was a pariah, that no one cared.

That is a deep dark hole. One that is hard to escape from.

Maybe that was the point of all of this. Maybe I needed this 'wake up' to see that I am loved and cared for. Because, I have never felt so loved and so supported and so comforted as I do now- no it is not the pain medication.

I have had friends go out of their way to help me. Friends of friends bring meals so I wouldn't have to cook, my mother cared for my kids, my mother in law cared for my kids. My friends drove an hour to make sure I was fed and then helped with the dogs. I feel so so very loved and warm and fuzzy (maybe pain meds). So many people have stepped up to carry the jobs I do. E, J, N, B, H, Mom, M, so so so many more have paused their lives to help me get through this. I am honored to have them as friends and family.

This has made me supremely thankful and grateful. I will be there for anyone when they need it- not because I 'owe' it; but because knowing that I was cared for helped me feel better in a way that no drug can.

So thank you friends. Thank you family. I love and appreciate all of you.


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