Things they should teach in school

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I am a reasonably intelligent person. I can read. I can write. My knowledge of multi-variable calculus is impressive. I can balance chemical equations with the best of them, but I cannot jump my car.

I have no idea why this is but my kids love to turn on the lights by their seats in my sexy minivan. I do not always notice this- I only notice it when it is night-time.


It happened. Then the next day I did not drive. Which meant my car sat with a light on for about 48 hours. Of course, the battery died. When I needed to start my car there was not even the clicking noise of the engine trying to turn over. It was just that dead.

My knowledge of cars is limited. I can drive manual. I can put gas in it and that is about it. However, I had a battery pack to jump the car. B bought it for me years ago, and I teased him horribly for it (sorry).

I figured I would be able to figure it out- how hard could it be?


The trunk release is not like the hood release- it does not just open. There is another step. A lever to push or pull or twist to get the hood to open all of the way. Two problems: there are no instructions for it, and it is positioned far back so people with freakishly small hands cannot reach it without getting stuck. I actually considered calling 911 to get me unstuck- until I was able to wiggle my hand out skinning my knuckles.

Eventually, I got it. Putting the clippy thingys (technical term) on the battery was easy. Even I can match colors.

But it didn't work. The horn on the car sure did work though! Somehow the alarm got tripped and good heavens it is loud. I called all of my male friends assuming they would have some idea. No go luck- one of them J's husband did suggest calling a Honda dealer- Genius.

They told me how to disable the alarm but the battery pack was just not powerful enough to start the car. I had to wait to be rescued.

Soon enough my car was started (thank goodness for big SUV alternators).

But really- a 10 minute lesson could have saved my hand and a lot of frustration.

Maybe instead if learning how to take derivatives of crazy functions a few minutes of my time would have been better spent learning how to jump a car.


Heather said...

Sounds like my luck with cars. I feel your pain. I would rather sit stranded for hours than try to hook up anything to a car battery, I have heard horror stories and with my luck, I would be the next one with a story to add to it. Glad everything worked out for you though

Eva Gallant said...

I think you deserve kudos for trying...I wouldn't even have known where to begin! Luckily I have OnStar with this car, plus TripleA! I just stopped by from SITS to say hi; hope you find time to do the same!

Amber said...

Oh God, you did better than I would have! Haha #commenthour

Celia said...

ha! sounds like me. oh well, i wasn't meant to be a mechanic ;)

trininista said...

You still tried. I would just have called the car service...or a male friend. lol.

carol anne @ soapboxville said...

There have been so many times I've found myself thinking I'm smarter than this only to discover not so much.

Anonymous said...

My husband bought me the dummy version of jumper cables. You put one end into the cigarette lighter of my car and the other end in the cigarette lighter of the other car. Genius. Too bad it takes like 15 minutes.

Finding derivatives always trumps cars. ALWAYS!

Lindsey @ Campfire Song said...

My kids piss around with the lights in our van too. Now I'm scared, and I'm going to have to keep on top of them.

Found you through #commenthour :)

Anonymous said...

Love this story! I could feel your pain when you describe pulling your hand out of a tight space. It's really wonderfully written. I love the vibe of your whole blog—it's wonderful.

Congrats on getting featured on #CommentHour—it was a blast last night!

Anonymous said...

Great story, and I am so right there with you, I have no clue what I would do with a dead battery, beyond calling AAA. Love your writing and your blog is terrific!
Congrats on the #CommentHour feature! :)

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