Alone in a crowd

Very rarely am I alone. There are usually 4 children orbiting around me closely. Chattering, needing something, asking something.

But in that, I get very lonely. Often, I spend a significant portion of my time feeling very alone. I think this kind of loneliness is worse than actually being alone because I am limited to what I can do. I can't read a book and expect to get very far with four kids, I can't go to the library and just be, I can't really do much that are some of the good parts about being alone.

Kids are kids, they are concerned with what they need at any given moment. This is typical kid behavior. Sometimes though, it would be nice to have an actual grown up conversation. It would be nice to actually, be heard, be listened too. Not have to repeat myself 50 times to get a child to do some request.

There has to be humor in here somewhere. There has to be. I will find it. Or will lose what remains of my mind. I may turn into the type of parent I do not want to be the crabby, snippy, mean, mama who yells and has no patience and see little joy.

Perspective, is 9/10 of reality right? Help me change mine.