Pole as a refuge

I have 5 kids. 2 dogs and cats.

This means my house is busy. 24 hours a day, there is usually something happening. 

There are demands on my time and my patience constantly. 

I need some time when I am not being touched.  Sometime when I am not listening to kids chatter.  This does not mean that I do not absolutely love my kids.  It does mean that I am a better mother; a kinder, more patient mother when I have time to myself.

Pole is that refuge for me.

It was really hard to go back to this and not be able to do the things I could do before.  Part of it is because I got satisfaction out of using my body.  Out of feeling my muscles.  Out of movement.  Feeling my body move, feeling my muscles get tired, is satisfying to me- it feels good.  When I couldn't do things I was frustrated and angry.

My tricks are still rusty.  But I am getting stronger again,  I can feel my muscles getting familiar with the movements again.

For the first time last week, since I went back to pole, during the relaxation I was able to get out of my head- shut off the part of my brain that makes lists.  The part of my brain that is absurdly critical.  It felt good.  

Determined, Persistent, Opinionated

These are traits of successful people. A person who possess these traits will not let anyone stand in his or her way. The person will achieve what he or she sets out to do and not be anyone's doormat.

I would love my child to be this kind of adult. But... (there is always a but) the mainstream parenting ideals will stomp out these traits and many others from kids. So why is this? How can we expect an adult to have these characteristics if we intentionally discourage and punish them in kids? My kids argue with me, they disagree, and that is fine.  We are different people, we are not going to agree a the time, and they see things from an entirely different perspective. Sometimes, they even convince me- another opinionated and determined person to change my mind. 

As a mother, I realize I do not know everything and am still learning and growing.

Happy Dead Mouse Day

In other parts of the world this is known as Mother's Day. In our home it is "Dead Mouse Day". The story goes back many years. B and I had just moved into our first home. It was Mother's Day. He had to go to work. When I got up, there was no sweet card from Princess or from him. To be honest, I really did not expect one. When I talked to him later in the day he made no mention of the day. He did, however, ask me to take the dead mouse out of the mouse trap in the garage. From then on the day was known as Dead Mouse Day. (the funny part of the story was I just threw the entire trap (old fashioned, wooden, spring loaded one) in the garbage, I had no desire to deal with the mouse. He was annoyed (or pretended to be annoyed) that I did not take the mouse out of the trap and re-use it.

Peas school

This is the campus where peas attends school

My kids are fun

Always room for one more

I have been asked so many times recently how I manage with my small heard of kids. If I have room for them, etc. How it all works is pretty simple. We make it work. There is always room for one more. All of the kids are fiercely loved. All of them are valued. How we manage it is a matter of rolling with things and seeing how to navigate things based on the individual day. Yes the kids fight and argue, but on the whole they love each other. They are loved and accepted for who they are. Which I think is one of the biggest gifts I can give them.

A little comment can through me

Yesterday my 5 year old son made a comment that threw me off my balance. "mama why are you still fat?" hmm well thanks babe. To some people this is just a silly thing that kid says. To me. It was almost Earth shattering. See- I am balanced in a precarious place with my eating. Recovered? Nope. Maintaining weight? Yep. I still have the same thought processes.. my self talk is not kind. But it usually stops there. My son's comment upset my balance. I was thrown in a minor tailspin. What to do? How do I react. Can I go for a run now? Do I immediately go vomit? I did not go vomit. I did not go for a run. I turned to some great people to help get me through the immediate problem. Now I have to work on longer term. I keep replaying the comment in my head- over and over. Then I end up with self talk about how I am clearly fat- that even a five year old can see it. The point is eating disorders don't have an end point. It is not like a cold where you get better and are all done. There are hills and valleys, but when there are comments and such it is like getting pushed from a valley into a canyon.

Math Practice

How did you learn math? Did you drill over and over on flash cards and facts? As I remember it, math facts were tedious and frustrating. Those types of drills did not appeal to my way of learning. Thankfully, with the advent of the internet there are new and fun ways to practice elementary math facts.

By using online 2nd grade math games my daughter has become a lot more confident and adept with her math facts. I do not have to argue with her to get her to practice, learning using games is fun!

The local school district recommends that second graders practice math 10 minutes or so 3 times a week. By making learning a game those times can be much more pleasant.

LitteDude's First Cold

*I really need to decide on a nickname for him*

So LittleDude has a cold. He is just over a month old. It is annoying but we'll all survive.

This is a key difference between a first time mom and a 5th time mom. At this point, I am totally laid back about it, but I remember- vividly, Princess's first cold. I was a nervous wreck. Now, it is so sad to see him congested and unhappy, but I know it will pass, and in a few days he will not even remember it.

In the meantime I will snuggle him close and encourage him to eat as much as he wants. Holding him close makes him feel better, it also helps me too. Snuggles help everyone.

baby care expert

I have had the pleasure and privilege of being cared for and having my children cared for by some amazing professionals. I have also had the immense frustration of being cared for and having my children cared for by professionals who are less than great.
I fully believe that all of these people truly wanted the best for everyone. The great professionals take a collaborative approach. We discussed, weighed options and made a plan. The less than ideal professionals were much more of the “I am the doctor/nurse/whatever, and I went to school for this thus I know better”. Maybe for some people, this approach works. Maybe some people find it reassuring. I found it, and continue to find it annoying.
One doctor taught me something amazing: they (doctors, medical professionals) may be the professionals in baby care, medical care etc. but I am the expert in caring for me and my children. The notion that a doctor recognized that I know my children and their individual needs best was fantastic.
This advice is something that all new parents need to learn: you are the expert in your baby. Please take that much to heart.

Up All Night

I have not had a full night sleep in years. Like 8 years (approximately) truth be told, I have never been a good sleeper- but I guess it is a good thing I can get by with very little sleep.

The good parts about being up all night:

I am getting good at locating constellations

Catching up on reading- last night I managed to read a full book cover to cover

Snuggles- I love the snuggles

Sunrises are really pretty

what are some other good things about being up all night?

non medically necessary bandaids

"Owie Owie! OWIE!" is something that I hear over and over and over... most of the times I'll go look at the owie and see that is that there is no bleeding, most of the time there is not even any bruising or redness... but the kids insist that they need a bandages. Why? What magical powers do bandages posses that can alleviate pain and suffering miraculously?

For the longest time I resisted giving bandages for everything. There would be lots of screaming, some crying... and then it would be 5 pm and I could have some wine.

Then it dawned on me. Why was I fighting it? Simply giving a bandage would eliminate a ton of issues and in the long run would not be that big of a deal.. The one big problem is making sure that I have bandages on hand for actual owies that require bandages.

in other news i just invested in companies that manufacture bandages.

that awkward in-between stage

Little Dude is in this awkward in-between stage. Preemie clothes are too small but newborn clothes are too big. This is a problem that we share, maternity too big--- regular too small.

He is doing fantastically otherwise, he is sleeping a ton and nurses like a champ. I cannot imagine our family without him already. He is a great addition.

Return to the pole

I am back- kind of.

Today was my first day back after being off for 7 months to have a baby/have wrist surgery.

It was rough. Rougher than I expected. Really really rough.

I am having a hard time with that. I am not used to really struggling with tricks. Climbing was hard. My extra padding was getting in the way, I couldn't remember where to put my feet or my hands... then once I got going it was like I was just beginning again, my foot was sore, to top it all off- once I got up getting down was a pain too!

Shoulder Mounts just were not happening. A trick I loved and was really good at- I couldn't do.

My basic invert is sloppy.

Peter Pan combos: I kept hitting the floor with my outside foot.

Butterfly/extended butterfly- not so great.

and the worst... the most devastating to me was the fact I could not get my top foot on the pole for pole splits.

- I know I had a baby 3 weeks ago, my body has to go back to normal- but it is really hard to accept that right now- and I am resisting pushing to hard-

For a little bit I considered leaving class because it was such a struggle for me and I was getting really frustrated. For a little while I considered quitting all together- because my negative self talk was getting in the way- that I would never be able to do those tricks again, blah blah blah....

It was not the same as my previous class. My previous group had been together for a year. We knew each other. We knew about kids, spouses, troubles, jobs... we cared about each other. We were raunchy and dirty and funny. Our dynamic was incredible. This group is really nice- but I don't know them. I am not comfortable with them. I hope that grows.

Then I remembered a few things. How absolutely fun it is when you get a new trick. How I felt at the beginning of during meditation before Melissa decided to kill my arms.

So what now? I may exercise some at home in my spare time (I mean there is SOOOO much of it!) I am going to focus on the fact that I learned this tricks before, I can do it again. I am going to commit to being thankful that I have an incredible place I can go and laugh hysterically, and not have my identity as someone's mother- someone's wife. (I am totally stuck in that right now- I need to carve out my own identity again) I'll get there. But I'll be back at Tease next week. I see if I can work in some open pole classes to get myself back moving again.

Darn Dog

White Fang- the Siberian Husky- has really taken to BabyH. She loves him gets worried if someone outside the family is holding him- comes and gets me if he cries- generally she is a good girl. Except- the pacifiers.

She keeps taking them. She has chewed up quite a few of them. Half of the time I end up chasing her around the table to get them out of her mouth. I had no idea that dogs like pacifiers. Silly dog.