Pole as a refuge

I have 5 kids. 2 dogs and cats.

This means my house is busy. 24 hours a day, there is usually something happening. 

There are demands on my time and my patience constantly. 

I need some time when I am not being touched.  Sometime when I am not listening to kids chatter.  This does not mean that I do not absolutely love my kids.  It does mean that I am a better mother; a kinder, more patient mother when I have time to myself.

Pole is that refuge for me.

It was really hard to go back to this and not be able to do the things I could do before.  Part of it is because I got satisfaction out of using my body.  Out of feeling my muscles.  Out of movement.  Feeling my body move, feeling my muscles get tired, is satisfying to me- it feels good.  When I couldn't do things I was frustrated and angry.

My tricks are still rusty.  But I am getting stronger again,  I can feel my muscles getting familiar with the movements again.

For the first time last week, since I went back to pole, during the relaxation I was able to get out of my head- shut off the part of my brain that makes lists.  The part of my brain that is absurdly critical.  It felt good.