I have 5 kids. 2 dogs and cats.
This means my house is busy. 24 hours a day, there is usually something happening.
There are demands on my time and my patience constantly.
I need some time when I am not being touched. Sometime when I am not listening to kids chatter. This does not mean that I do not absolutely love my kids. It does mean that I am a better mother; a kinder, more patient mother when I have time to myself.
Pole is that refuge for me.
It was really hard to go back to this and not be able to do the things I could do before. Part of it is because I got satisfaction out of using my body. Out of feeling my muscles. Out of movement. Feeling my body move, feeling my muscles get tired, is satisfying to me- it feels good. When I couldn't do things I was frustrated and angry.
My tricks are still rusty. But I am getting stronger again, I can feel my muscles getting familiar with the movements again.
For the first time last week, since I went back to pole, during the relaxation I was able to get out of my head- shut off the part of my brain that makes lists. The part of my brain that is absurdly critical. It felt good.