Happy 3 Pixie!!

How come each day lasts an eternity and each year goes by in a blink??

Today Pixie is 3.  I can hardly believe it! But here we are- 3.

She is exuberant. Full of energy. Has a great sense of humor and is just as mischievous as all of the others.

It is very interesting to see how all of the kids have such different personalities but are so similar. 

Pixie is my little tattoo artist. Anytime she finds a marker she decorates herself- so far we have avoided Sharpies (except for 1 time- if you need to get Sharpie off of skin milk works great)

She is a climber- more than any of the others- which I did not think was possible, I must learn to never tempt fate.

Pixie is smart- she watches everything and learns all of it.

She loves Go, Diego, Go! She has a sense of justice and is upset if she thinks it is not carried out well.

Pixie on the tree stump- believe it or not she had strep, bronchitis, and an ear infection (with a ruptured ear drum) in this picture.  Nothing slows her down!!

Why I am voting for Obama

Don't hate me--- or fine-- hate me-- but I am still voting that way.

Personally, my ethics and believes about a lot of social issues lean right.  But these are my beliefs.  They are right for me.  Not for everyone.  One of the most important things I believe in is the absolute separation of church and state. No one, can or should, attempt to legislate morality. 

It would be great if government did not have to step in and provide help to people less fortunate.

Yes, we support charities. 

A lot of charities only provide assistance to people of a certain demographic.  A lot of people do not live in an area where there is aid readily available.  So until there is enough charitable aid available for everyone who needs it- the government as a whole needs to fill in.

Social justice.

Freedom of and from religion.  We are not a Christian Nation and more than we are a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation.  We are a nation of diversity, and that is a good thing. 

Now That's a Pole Class

After last weeks not so great class, a toe injury, sick kids, and just general exhaustion, I was apprehensive about class.

I actually considered not going.  I was not feeling 100%- I felt tired and kind of like I was coming down with something.

Honestly, I had been having a really hard time being patient with everyone lately and I figured getting out would allow me to refocus myself even if I did not have a great class, as it turned out I had a great, amazing, awesome class.

It would have been a HUGE mistake to stay home.

I had an amazing class.

From the beginning of class I was able to get into it.  Yes my toe hurt. I was more slippery than EVER before.  I was weaker than normal.  Something about it was just right.

We were going to review a few tricks that I wanted get better at, one of them involved sitting on your non-dominant hand.  See after my wrist injury, doing things that put a great deal of stress on my wrist are often quite painful.  Instead of just gritting my teeth and doing the trick, I opted to hop out of it, and try it with my other wrist down.  My right wrist was strong enough and I was able to do it, just fine. 

The other big thing that happened in class is- I took my glasses off to dance.  I never take my glasses off-- really only to sleep and shower am I without them.  I need to be able to see.  I need to have an escape route.  Much like I need to have windows that I can see out of all the time- I need to have the ability to get out of somewhere fast. 

I took my glasses off and had a great dance. 

Tea

When I was little my mom would invite our neighbor over for tea- daily it seemed- or we would go there.

While they talked, the neighbor's son and I would play. 

I learned to love tea.  I associate the warmth of tea with cozy, intimate friendships, that distance cannot impede.

When I was really little my mom gave me tea with milk and sugar.  Then honey. Now I drink tea like she does- almost room temperature plain.

Tea will always make me feel closer to my mom.  I like that feeling.  At the moment there are two mugs (empty) sitting next to me- and those are only the cups I have not put in the sink today.

Even though there are times I would have thrown the mugs at my mom rather than sit and have a cup of tea with her, I am really so thankful I have those memories with her.

I hope I can foster that kind of relationship with my kids (maybe without the tea throwing part).

Feminism

Right.. yeah.. feminism.

I am a Stay-at-home-mom how in the heck can feminism apply to me?

Well I have the choice to stay home.  I had the choice to work and for our family it was better for me to stay home and now with the 10 kids I have running around (hyperbole) it is really good that I am home.

Feminism doesn't mean that I want to be like a man.  It means that I am embracing my femininity- while having equal rights and protections under the law.  It means, that while I am very different from a man, I am worth no less and no more. 

It means that my personal role may be caring for my kids and family- that may not be the role for every woman. 

Do you ever feel like........

Someone is talking just to you and as much as you sit there trying to "lalalalala" it out with your hands it is just not going to stop until you listen.

This may be in a sermon, or message, or speech, or just through people in day to day life... That G-d is just going to make you see something no matter how you try and block it out- He will not stop until you get it?

Yep.

That would be happening to me right now.

And it is wonderful. I am learning to find my faith not the faith that I was specifically raised with, but with what resonates with me. 

One of the biggest things that drives me nuts is people who extol how important faith is to them and take no action to back them up or worse yet- take actions that are contradictory to their professed faith.

Faith without action is meaningless.

not such a great class last night

Last night was back to my Monday night class.

I just can't get in a groove there.  I feel really out of place and just ugh. not cool.

Last night the class was really big- which is sometimes really fun, but last night I did not enjoy it.

Thursday's class was a.maz.ing  I drove home thrilled so proud of my body so happy to have had the chance to take that class.

For a while I have been down on my body-- hard..
because it is jiggly in places I would not like to be
because my kidney is being a pain
because even my blood can't seem to figure out a reasonable clotting time-- it seems to clot just dandy in things I need and want-- like my lung or my retina-- but my kidney--- no clotting there!

So yeah I am bummed.  I'll be bummed for a bit.. but bounce back. 

invert disorientation

Left and Right. 

Simple enough most of us were able to figure this out in childhood- or at least before we started (legally) driving.

Not so when you are upside down.

In pole dancing it becomes a whole other world when upside down.

"Put your right hand here."  Well which right hand?? right/left it is all a big mess...

Even worse with your feet. 

"Take your left leg and move it backward.... no the other backward" Say wha??

I become an absolute idiot upside down.  Like it is not even funny--- ok well it is kind of hysterical. 

Tomorrow (if I remember) I'll have someone take pictures of a trick for an example.

The day Peas attacked the mail carrier

I ordered Peas a dress online.  She helped me pick it out and was very excited to wear it.  Since there were none for Pixie online I went to brick and mortar store to buy one.  Subsequently, I brought it home and Pixie decided to wear it and make her sister intolerably jealous.

-- for those unaware jealousy is a very intense feeling for a 4 year old girl, especially, when she in general has the emotional intensity of a hurricane--

She began asking immediately if her dress had come. over. and over. and over.  After telling her the mail carrier would be bringing her dress she began stalking the mail trucks and accosting the mail carriers like a puppy; meeting them on the neighbors yard, asking if the dress was there.

For the first few days it was ok, cute even, to see Peas run out eagerly and ask to have the ever patient mail carrier say, "no, not yet, maybe tomorrow".  For the first few days she was okay about it, then she got mad.

"Where is my dress???!!?!?!?" she would wail and as she got more irritated I began to hope that the dress would make a miraculous appearance.  I also began to worry for the mail carrier's safety- for a 4 year old, Peas is quite determined.

Of course the day the costume arrived we were at the zoo and then lunch.

When we returned- a box on the door-step... a glorious box! In it the much anticipated dress.  The mail carrier can live to see another day.  

**in case it is not obvious this is written tongue and cheek** 

Want to make a kid feel dumb?

Send them to school.

***This is a rant-ish post of my own personal experience as a parent within the public school system with very sensitive (and smart kids)***

I am sure it also clearly exposes some of my own insecurities and issues with school as well.

Princess is in 3rd grade.  Everyday after school there are tears.  Math is confusing her- I'll try and explain it a different way- a way that makes sense in my head, because, ya know maybe we think similarly and all--- but then she flips because her teacher said for her to do it differently and she.must.do.as.the.teacher.says. <<>>>

Somehow we make it through the the math, science, and on to English- grammar specifically.  As a product of Catholic schools I can diagram a sentence and parse a noun like no one's business.  But there are more tears. 

Finally, in the morning she comes down the stairs and tells me she wishes she were like some other kid in school who is the smartest.  It is hard to explain to an 8 year old that the other kid may appear to be really good at something, s/he may have difficulty but hiding it, maybe s/he has struggles in other parts of his or her life. 

More importantly- she is great just the way she is.  Just how she is.  So math is hard- that is only this specific math- arithmetic for me sucks- but I can do differential equations and higher order math without a problem.  She is one of the most caring and sweet girls I know.  She is amazing, smart, and wonderful.

It makes me so sad to have to build her up every morning for her to come home so sad.  It makes me so sad for her to compare herself to other kids- they are not the same- they are individuals. 

Honestly, I did the same- and I still do it-- compare myself to others- myself always coming up short.  I do not want her to repeat that pattern. 

Response to Mom Stays in the Picture

I'll admit- I am a camera dodger.  More often I am the picture taker.

There are very few pictures of me and there are a couple of reasons for this- most of which are a direct reflection of my own insecurities.


My appearance is a long standing issue.  I have never been happy with it.  My face is too fat, my arms too big, thighs, hips, blah blah...I am working on this and it has gotten better (I still dislike my exceedingly round head though)

I never feel right asking people to take pictures of my children/friends and I.  Like it is selfish or self important to ask someone to do that- why would anyone want a photo of me?

No one really offers to take pictures of the kids and I so there is that as well- and we have even fewer of us as a family.   This makes me sad.  There are not family pictures from holidays-- or even just a fun Saturday.  There are not photos of family traditions.

Growing up, pictures were kind of different, I mean- we had to use film! But other than that, we just didn't have family pictures taken.  I wish we had them.  My mom is beautiful.  I love showing her off.  Even as she ages she has this class and shine about her. I just love that.

Does anyone else feel really weird about asking others to take pictures-- or do people just offer and I am not 'picture material?'

 

The Meltdown

In a house with 5 kids - it is busy.  we are often all on top of each other.  Most of the time this is fine and we enjoy tickle fights and and cuddle fests. But sometimes (at least once a day) there is a line crossed.  Sometimes the line is invisible but sometimes the line is glaring neon green strope lights flashing- it doesn't matter- someone's feelings get hurt- gets injured- offended- something taken away- ad infinitum.

Everyone loses it at some point.  Usually at least once a day (often several times a day) one of the kids loses it.

Princess in true princess fashion cries and marches of to her room
Stinky sometimes does the storm off.
Pixie can scream and yell with the best of them - but when someone offends her she does not hesitate to stand up for herself.  We are working on appropriate strategies.

All of these meltdowns last 20 minutes at most.

Peas has them beat.

She has the emotional intensity of-- something I have no idea how to describe- it is just a lot.  She can go from 0-100 in a second.   She is a little 4 year old tornado.

I really do not want to say anything negative about her- but they are epic.  Epic in intensity. Epic in duration. Epic in every sense of the word.

There is nothing that I can do to really help her.  That is the most frustrating part.  I want to comfort her, to distract her, to help her recognize her feelings that she is having and help her learn to direct them in appropriate ways.

Sometimes I get angry and frustrated that she has these meltdowns because I really feel so helpless.  I want to make her understand.  I want to tell her it is okay. I want her to know I love her and she is loved and safe.

She is an emotionally and sensory intense child.  I am still learning how to help her.

If any of you have any advice on how I can help her (or help me) please let me know. 

She is a super sweet amazing girl but I feel like I am failing her right now.

poletastic

I don't remember if I have been vocal on here about my love and adoration for the 45mm poles we have at our new studio.

If not--- Oh my heavens the are a dream

I am a short person.  I have very small hands.  50mm poles are what I have been dancing with since I started- and I have always been challenged by getting my grip strong enough to make up for the fact that I am not able to wrap my hands around the pole.

45mm poles are a dream.  They could not come at a more perfect time either-  I was still feeling down about my 'come back'  with the 45mm poles I am able to do so much more with more confidence.