Leave my kids alone, thanks!

I took my kids to the zoo today with some friends- while there we stopped at a playground and some lady was hanging around Pixie watching to make sure she did not fall.

I tend towards the more attachment parenting, natural consequences, free range parenting.

Pixie- is a very competent kid.  She can climb almost anything.  I call her my mountain goat. She is confident in her abilities and is surprisingly skilled! But she would not have gotten that way had I hovered over her.

Pixie was, quite capably, climbing up a climbing wall to a play structure.  Sure, they have fallen, skinned knees, bruises and a little banged up.  She has however learned her limits.  She has learned she is capable.  

I was watching- from the side though, if she needed me, I would be there. 

Pixie can do all of these things because no one has told her she 'can't'  You'd be amazed what kids can do when you let them.

Natural consequences allows her to learn a cause and effect relationship of her choices and it gives her a sense of efficacy in her world.

This woman though was just shadowing her.  I understand it was coming from a place of concern.  Is there a polite way to say something?

Lost: One Little Girl

The other day, I looked at Princess.  She is not the little girl that she was. Smart. Compassionate. Brave. Strong.  She is pretty. Tall. Graceful (sometimes).

Sometime in the past 8.5 years (almost 9) she has gone from being a 3 lb peanut to an amazing girl. 

How I am teaching my children (boys and girls) to not rape

Did I say boys and girls?? Yes.  Girls can be sexually aggressive and abusive too- and often are- boys just are expected to take it willingly and even like it.

So yes.  I am teaching my children to not rape--- and not be raped.

I protect them from being assaulted- well duh. Take this a step further.  I respect their boundaries and advocate for them when others aren't.

I respect them- and treat them with respect and kindness.

This means: I will not make my child hug, go by, be held by, kiss, or have their boundaries invaded.  One time I had to reschedule an appointment because my child did not want to be examined by the doctor- as there was no urgent need- he was not terribly sick- we just rescheduled.  Why?  Because if I do not respect his boundaries how can he learn to expect anyone else to?

I show them real affection.  If they know what real affection is like they are less likely to mistake it.

I respect their autonomy.  It is their body.  Not mine.  With few exceptions, their body their choices. My girls choose their clothes, hair color, length etc- same with my boys.

I am open with them. If they are old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get an answer. 
 
I will always be their safe place to fall. 

Because when they speak up to me and others they are listened to and respected they can learn to expect to be listened to.  I can and do teach them to advocate for themselves and get out of situations that are unhealthy.

Because they have the self confidence to do this, and have been treated with kindness, love and respect, they treat others that way.

hurt feelings

Lately, I have been noticing that I have had my feelings hurt a lot more.  Could I be getting more sensitive?

Not feelings crushed hurt- but feelings of exclusion and "ouch- that stung".

Do you get your feelings bruised? Do you take it up with the person? Brush it off? Have a less than mature passive aggressive attitude? I am unsure in these waters, and need advice.

I mean, as much as it would be awesome, I can't just stomp my foot and storm off in a huff.  a) it is hard to do on facebook- the foot stomping loses something in the text b) with my luck I'd step on a lego c) stomping off is not the most mature way of dealing.

For Goodness sake.  I am 31 years old- I thought the stupid hurt feelings things would be long gone by now.  My 8 year old can fight with her friend over cursive writing and its normal- me getting ruffled feathers over an insignificant thing is not so ok.

Parenting can throw you for a loop!

Being the mom of five littles- most things are no big deal. I have learned that every owie is not the end of the world.  I don't have to hover over my kids to keep them safe. 

Then sometimes something happens over which I have no control- an they have no control either, which makes it exceptionally overwhelming. 

That happen the other day.  It threw me for quite the loop.  Worse- it was in an area in which i am not well versed. 

In the end- there is help available for stinky and all will be fine.  We are just taking a slightly different path to 'fine' than I had planned.

That's what it is all about right? Being able to adapt, adjust, regroup and deal?  We all want our kids to learn those skills- teach your kids by showing them these skills in action.

Pixie Perspective

Pixie may be petite but there is nothing petite about her personality.

She lets no one push her around.  She does what she wants when she wants and she has a killer sense of humor.

Pixie- is also extremely compassionate.  When LittleDude is upset she will sing to him, give him kisses, or tackle him in a full body hug.

She loves to paint.  She loves to jump. She can bring brightness to any day.  Pixie- is quite the dare devil.

A few weeks ago she had her head stitched up because she was playing "Brave" and she was Merida and ran straight into a table.  Despite the copious blood, she was brave- just like Merida.

And no, she has not stopped running in the house.

Day before yesterday she was climbing up the stairs on the 3 in- on the OTHER side of the railing. Balencing perilously above a several ft fall onto more stairs.  She said "thats okay mama, my muscles are strong"

What a character.  I have to wonder what the work looks like from her perspective.  One big game to play? Lots of friends to make? A giant jungle gym? Three year old kids are kind of magical that way. 

compassionate peas

Peas is pretty sensitive and compassionate.  For a 5 year old she displays shocking empathy. 

She also worries a lot.  When I was pregnant with LittleDude she was terrified.  She believed that we would be getting rid of Pixie and getting a new baby. It took her a while to realize that we would not get rid of anyone- we were just adding a new baby to our family.  Once she got that she was exc suited and happy again. 

I had wrist surgery to try and fix my wrist and she was so scared that the doctor would cut off my arm.  Peas was so relieved to see I had both arms when I got home.

It must have been so scary for her to worry about those things.  I am glad that she could tell me though and trust me to help reassure her.  

are you a feminist?

I had an interesting conversation with a man in my life today.  I asked him if he considered himself a feminist.  (I totally expected the answer to be yes).  He shocked me. He said no, he was not a feminist as he was not a woman.  (I had to restrain myself from killing him).

It dawned on me, maybe we had different ideas of what it means to be a feminist.  I clarified, "do you think that women deserve all of the same rights and protections under the law as men"  he said "yah" - like I was an idiot.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are wingnuts in every school of thought but the basic premise of feminist thinking is that women are people and equal.  Shocking huh?  Of course this can be expanded upon but that is where a lot of grey area occurs and disagreements happening.  This made me happy and sad at the same time.  Happy- because a person believed that the notion of women as people idea was fundamental.  Sad because a man would not want to label himself a feminist because he is not a woman- that there is still the belief that feminists are vagina monsters laying in wait to emasculate men (I am sure there are these people, but they are not the majority of feminists).

I am not a LGBT person, but i fully support the idea that they, being, people, are entitled to equal rights and protection under the law.  Just because you are not a member of a group, does not preclude you from supporting them.    So to that man--- hate to break it to you- you are feminist.