How I am teaching my children (boys and girls) to not rape

Monday, March 25, 2013

Did I say boys and girls?? Yes.  Girls can be sexually aggressive and abusive too- and often are- boys just are expected to take it willingly and even like it.

So yes.  I am teaching my children to not rape--- and not be raped.

I protect them from being assaulted- well duh. Take this a step further.  I respect their boundaries and advocate for them when others aren't.

I respect them- and treat them with respect and kindness.

This means: I will not make my child hug, go by, be held by, kiss, or have their boundaries invaded.  One time I had to reschedule an appointment because my child did not want to be examined by the doctor- as there was no urgent need- he was not terribly sick- we just rescheduled.  Why?  Because if I do not respect his boundaries how can he learn to expect anyone else to?

I show them real affection.  If they know what real affection is like they are less likely to mistake it.

I respect their autonomy.  It is their body.  Not mine.  With few exceptions, their body their choices. My girls choose their clothes, hair color, length etc- same with my boys.

I am open with them. If they are old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get an answer. 
I will always be their safe place to fall. 

Because when they speak up to me and others they are listened to and respected they can learn to expect to be listened to.  I can and do teach them to advocate for themselves and get out of situations that are unhealthy.

Because they have the self confidence to do this, and have been treated with kindness, love and respect, they treat others that way.


swamy said...

Really a good thought. great !

Laurie A. Couture said...

So refreshing to see another Mom acknowledging that girls also rape and that boys need protection, too! Thank you! said...

I have learned to check myself in the area of telling my daughter to hug this relative or that relative. Clearly I don't want her to be a disrespectful child, but more than that I want her to know that she has a choice in who she allows to touch her. Fine line, but I dance on it. Great post especially in such a hyper-sexual society we live in. Had you read about Chicago Public Schools initiating a new program to begin teaching sex ed in kindergarten? Interesting. I wrote an entire post on it a few weeks ago. Andrea @ visiting from SITS!

Tamara Camera said...

"This means: I will not make my child hug, go by, be held by, kiss, or have their boundaries invaded. "

That's huge! So many people think it's harmless to constantly force their kids to hug and kiss relatives and friends. I try to make it a point to ask once and then say, "Ok."

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