marinating

a while back I posted about a woman and her husband who lost their baby boy at term.

I have not written about them a lot. But I think about them all the time. Many many times a day.

Their loss has shaken me in a way that there are no words to express. There are not words sad enough or angry enough to describe my feelings for them and I am sure that my feelings are only a fraction of what they are experiencing.

They would have been, will be, are, amazing parents. They have a wonderful son in heaven, and it is beyond any reason why they did not get to raise him. They will be amazing parents if and when they have more children. They are amazing parents, they have taught me so much about loving my children. They love their son so truly and purely. Their future children will always know of their older brother and how remarkable he is.

I can't explain how angry I am for them. Why them? Why when so many babies are taken for granted did this happen to them? They are wonderful, smart, loving people who, as much as anyone can deserve to have children. I don't understand why. I can't. I am not meant to.

My heart aches for them. When I watch my children and so so often I think of them. I think of how little any of it makes sense. When my children are being stinkers, I think of them. I remember to be thankful.

There is nothing in this world that I can do or say to comfort them or to fix this big fat mess...I wish, I wish I could make it better. Make it the way it should be.