things than make me go hmmmm

B was not my first husband. That goes to someone else. A marriage that was no really a marriage but a really really bad decision.

There are moments that I wonder if maybe I am being very dramatic about the whole experience. Maybe it was not all that bad, maybe the 'abuse' was not really that bad.

Then like today I read something about and Order of Protection expiring and an ex-husband starting to control and abuse the woman and just acting like a jerk. My heart started to pound, my ears to ring, my neck to sweat. The fear the absolute terror is still there. Instantly, I can remember the sound of his voice and the last time he called- I can feel my knees going weak, my stomach turning, and my brain unable to think. Even now I have nightmares. So maybe it was as bad as I am remembering. Maybe I am not being all dramatic.

I feel safer now than I have in a very long time which is good- but somethings just don't leave you. Why can't I shake it?