The dangers of diaper duty

Did you know changing diapers can lead to physical injuries?? Neither did I. I have changed a lot of diapers in my life from babysitting to parenting, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the diaper changing world.

This weekend I obtained my first physical injury related to changing a diaper. Pixie had picked up one of those plaster-y scrappy thingys (technical term) that is used to patch walls or scrap paint and I did not notice(big mistake). I picked her up to change her and she swung her arm back and cracked me in the forehead with the scrappy thingy. I was knocked to my knees with blinding pain. My first thought was wow! She can hit! Second was, WTF was that??!!! I was caught with the straight edge and it actually managed to cut me fairly deeply, it swelled and bled. It is not pretty. I have a feeling that I will have a scar from this and be able to point it out to her for the rest of her life(kidding!)

So beware! Changing diapers can cause physical injury!

lamentations of a pregnant person

I am at the end of my pregnancy. I am uncomfortable.

I am frustrated. I have been in the hospital a few times for premature labor- thankfully it was stopped.

Now I am having lower abdominal discomfort an cramping. I am having lot of low back-aches that just never seem to leave. I am crabby irritable. But I cannot determine if this is because of prodromal labor, of the GI stuff that my kids were so kind as to share with me.

I am impatient. I would love it to be over soon but not too soon. ARGH it is so annoying and there is nothing that I can do about it- other than try and make it another day.

She is not a whore.

I'll admit to being fairly conservative in my clothes, except when I am pole dancing then it is booty shorts and sports bras all the way.

My oldest daughter is growing out of the little kids section at the store. She is moving on from size 6x. But the change in available clothing choices is startling. Short skirts, tight clothes, low cut tops, things that I would feel uncomfortable wearing. There is no way in hell I will purchase these for my child or allow her to wear them.

She is 7. Still solidly in little kid territory. Still in the age when the world is her oyster and the tooth fairy brings presents. She is smart. She is independent. She is strong. She is brave. I will not let her be objectified by clothing buyers or others insane sense of fashion.

Lands End here we come.

My office supply obsession

I may have a slight problem with my somewhat minor office supply addiction.

It started when I was a kid and was focused more on school supplies. School supply shopping excited me thoroughly. Markers! Crayons! Paints! Pens! Yay! There were so many colors and varieties! I could hardly contain myself.

Now- I do not have the excuse of a new semester to shop for supplies- and my need for folders and Trapper Keepers (remember those? Do they still make them?) is severely limited, my obsession is more focused towards pens and post-its. You never know when something will need to be posted! This could be extended to stationary of all sorts, writing a note on loose-leaf paper is not nearly the same as writing it on pretty paper with a fancy pen.

Recently, I saw a commercial for "Ink Joy" pens, which is write up my alley. It is like Papermate's marketing department was sitting in my head thinking about what I look for in my favorite pens. I had to have one. CVS did not have them, I was distraught. I had to go to Walgreens anyway- and they had them! When I found them, I clapped and was so excited. What would I write first? Would they live up to the hype? I was giddy.

Stay tuned for how Ink Joy pens actually work.

Birthday Do-Over

Yesterday, Peas turned 4. 4 years that have gone by in a blink of an eye or have crawled by depending on the day- heck depending on the moment.

Sadly, yesterday was not the joyful occasion that a birthday should be. Peas was sick. She was sacked out and felt yucky.

There should be some sort of rule about being sick on your birthday, it is just wrong.

So she gets a birthday do-over.

I cannot believe that she is the same little 3 pound little bundle of baby that entered the world on her own terms in her own time and made her own rules. She has done everything on her terms since she was born.

What a four years it has been! Peas has taught me about being patient and understanding. It has taught me about different needs and personalities.

Pregnancy and Eating Disorders

If you have read my blog you probably know that I have a long struggle with an eating disorder. It has been my (almost)lifelong companion. It is not a good companion, it one I have tried to shake many times but have come to realize that some parts and patterns in my thinking will just always be there, I have to learn how to deal with them.

Anyway- pregnancy creates a huge challenge. It is a time during which a person is expected to gain weight. A mother's body is supposed to change to accommodate another person. This can be overwhelming for a person with a more normal relationship with food and weight. For me, and many people with eating disorders, this can be crippling.

First, I never expected to be able to get pregnant. I was usually thin enough that I did not menstruate as a teenager- and fertility is often impacted by a long term eating disorder (it is part of the aftermath- that never goes away).

Clearly, my ability to become pregnant was not impacted.

The first trimester is hard especially because I have a history of purging to lose weight, morning sickness threw me for a loop. It was almost an excuse to purge. It took a lot of work to learn to modify my thinking and behavior.

I do not know my weight. I go to the doctor every week but stand backward on the scale and have asked that no one tell me my weight, because I am afraid that knowing the number will upset the delicate balance I have forged in my head. Realistically, I know that weight gain is necessary to support a pregnancy. But I cannot help but start panicking about being fat. I can't change my reaction, but I can change how I deal with my reaction.

Pregnancy is probably the hardest time for me to maintain stability. Hormones are crazy add to my predisposition to anxiety, if I am not watchful it can be a recipe for disaster. Nightly, I stand in front of the mirror looking for stretch marks, for cellulite, for fat that was not there yesterday, despite my conscious efforts to accept the physical changes as a necessary part of making a person.

Perfectly Peas

Dear Peas,

I love you. You ball of energy. No one else can ever be you.

You are determined and make a mule look tractable. As frustrating as this is for me now- never lose this quality. It will serve you well in life.

You are smart, you know what you want and you will find away to get what you want, you figure things out that constantly amaze me.

You will not settle for less than you deserve. Ever. This is great. You know that you are important and will not let anyone marginalize you. Please keep this quality. So many people forget how special they are. Everyone is special. Everyone is important.

You are caring and loving. I love watching you take care of Pixie. Protecting her, reading her stories, helping her, she is so lucky to have a big sister like you.

You are silly. You can make me giggle by doing your silly face.

You are passionate. Everything you do you do with every single bit of you. This will be great for you in life- but for now is exhausting.

Being your mother is an amazing gift and I am so very blessed to be your mother. You have taught me so many amazing things and I am thankful everyday for what you bring to our family.

Adventures in Targetland

I had to go to Target today, otherwise known as the great money suck.

Anyway, I went, and standing in the fruit section picking out fruit to take to wake and some random person walked up to me and asked if I knew when the Ides of March were. Well, yes, I do. I have read Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. In fact, I wrote a paper on it.

Soothsayer.
Caesar!

Caesar.
Ha! Who calls me?

Casca.
Tell everyone to be quiet. Silence again!

Caesar.
Who is in the crowd that calls on me?
I hear a voice shriller than all the music
Cry "Caesar!" Speak. Caesar is turned to hear.

Soothsayer.
Beware the ides of March.

Caesar.
Who is that?

Brutus.
A soothsayer tells you to beware the ides of March.

Caesar.
Put him in front of me; let me see his face.

Cassius.
Fellow, come out of the crowd; look at Caesar.

Caesar.
What do you say to me now? Say it one more time.

Soothsayer.
Beware the ides of March.

Caesar.
He is a dreamer; let us leave him. Pass.

Act 2 Scene 1 Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare

The Ides of March is March 15. The middle of the month.

"Idus"= the half division- in Latin is the root word of 'ides'. Why specifically I remember this information, no idea.

But do I give off the "I read too damn much" vibe? or the "I have useless information coming out of my ears?" vibe? Is it normal to be approached in the middle of a discount chain store and quizzed on Shakespeare?

Pregnancy update

I am still pregnant. I feel like I have been pregnant forever and a day- but really it has been ~30 weeks, which can seemingly stretch out for eternity.

Now is the point when I am uncomfortable and more clumsy than normal and tired... oh yes, the hormones. Can't neglect the hormones. They are in the drivers seat and I am merely hanging on for the ride.

My wedding rings from B don't fit anymore so I set them by the sink (bad idea) my wedding band fell into the garbage disposal and was chewed up. It had no stones in it- just a simple white gold band that I have worn and loved. It is pretty eaten up though- does anyone know if a jeweler can fix it? I really hope so. I love that ring. I love what it means to me. I am simply devastated that this happened.

How much longer will this pregnancy last? Any bets? Longest is 35 weeks....

Sometimes things break

Typically, I pride myself on not forming attachments to things (books are the exception, I have way way to many books) but I had an attachment to this particular object: a snow globe music box that had a carousel horse in it. It was given to me by late grandmother. It is one of the few physical things of her I had left and my favorite music box.

Yesterday, it got broken. I am very very sad.

I am trying to focus on while I may not have many physical reminders left of my grandma, I do have photos, and I do have memories. Some of the best memories ever. Maybe I can't pass down a music box to my kids, but I can pass down the love and the memories she gave me.