Where'd the Pole Go?

I have not been blogging so much about pole lately because I am having a hard time with it.

My pole history in brief:

I started pole in February of 2010. I had to take the majority of the summer of 2010 off because of kidney issues then more time in the fall/winter for 2 major surgeries, asthma issues, and an injured wrist.

All was mostly well until August 2011 when I had wrist surgery and learned Henry would be joining our family.

I went back to pole a few weeks after Henry was born (I resumed classes in April 2012) but had to have kidney surgery (yet again) in July of 2012 this required more time off.

Going to pole has been discouraging and humiliating because I cannot do some of the tricks I took for granted. Monkey Climb? Sure. Shoulder Mount to Pencil? Got it. I could catch on to new tricks with relative ease and incorporate them into my routine without being scared.

Now? Not so much. I feel like I can't put together even what is supposed to be a fun dance- my mind blanks. Tricks that *should* come easy are hard. Opposite side invert? I just got that sucker back.

And I am slippery! I have never been terribly slippery before grip aids were great for new things but usually I didn't need them, now I cannot find a darn grip aid that helps me!

Here is the issue. All of this was really eroding at my self esteem. I would leave class and be angry at myself. I would almost dread class. Pole dancing was not the happy refuge that it was.

I made a decision. I would give up. I suck and there are no two ways around it.

My instructor pointed out that yes I started dancing for 2.5 years but I have not actually been dancing that long. With that time I have had to take off 20 months. So within that 32 month time I have had to miss 18-20 months- and not just miss because work got busy but because I had a baby, multiple surgeries, injuries, it is not like I could just jump back in.

So sure. I can't do somethings now but give me time- I will.