I am really down today. Well a lot of days lately. In the hills and valleys of life I am in a very deep valley.
At the moment I am having troubles. Some my fault some not...but I don't know if I have the will or the energy to keep working to keep fighting. So much has been a fight so much has been so hard. Can things please please be easy just for a little. There are people who have so much more to fight against so much more in their way-maybe I should just hush about this.
it remains though- a battle on all sides. a constant battle with food, the toilet is always there, seven stairs away and 5 steps if I need it. the scars on my arms they are still there. I can add to them--but then what? what has been proven? That my heart hurts? Well it does. My heart aches. My soul aches. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't do much except carry on. right now I don't really care too. Right now I want to rest.
There have to be some words to put to what I am feeling. What are they? There do not seem to be adequate. No words no voice.
I am frustrated that I am on my own so much. My husband doesn't get it. I don't know how to explain it.