Down day

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I am really down today. Well a lot of days lately. In the hills and valleys of life I am in a very deep valley.

At the moment I am having troubles. Some my fault some not...but I don't know if I have the will or the energy to keep working to keep fighting. So much has been a fight so much has been so hard. Can things please please be easy just for a little. There are people who have so much more to fight against so much more in their way-maybe I should just hush about this.

it remains though- a battle on all sides. a constant battle with food, the toilet is always there, seven stairs away and 5 steps if I need it. the scars on my arms they are still there. I can add to them--but then what? what has been proven? That my heart hurts? Well it does. My heart aches. My soul aches. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't do much except carry on. right now I don't really care too. Right now I want to rest.

There have to be some words to put to what I am feeling. What are they? There do not seem to be adequate. No words no voice.

I am frustrated that I am on my own so much. My husband doesn't get it. I don't know how to explain it.

2 comments:

Farrah said...

Thank you for being honest about where you are. I have been praying for you and your faith journey and your marriage too.
I don't really know what all to say except that you are deeply loved by our Heavenly Father and He ses where you are in this deep valley. Please let me know if you need to talk or come over some night or something. And if you are ever in need of someone to keep you safe, even in it is from your own thoughts and fears, please call.
You are loved, my friend, and an amazing mama and woman. You continue to be in my prayers. Much love.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could write/say the words to make you feel better Elizabeth. I pray God will bring you through this quickly. God will heal & make you stronger-cry out to him for help. He wants you to (psalm 145:14 The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads) I hope this psalm will touch you the way it has me. It's funny though-sometimes I read something & nada. Other times, I deeply moved.

Your writing is beautiful & a great expression of your feelings. I know nothing of the situation with Brian but believe there is definite truth about them being from another planet so to speak. It's difficult for them to understand such complex creatures. Amen to those who sincerely try.

I really hope we can get together next week. April is calling you about Tuesday! I'm flexible so please let me know if something works better for you!

Love & blessings,

Cat

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