why I hate movie theaters

It is a long standing pastime to go and take in a movie. I have done it I will do it but I will not suggest it or be thrilled to do it. I dislike movie theaters. The reason? Lice.

Long ago my dad had a lot of business trips my mother and I went with him. One such trip was to Pittsburgh, PA and then to DC. Pittsburgh was not my favorite city. But that is neither here nor there. One thing that they had was the Carnegie Science Center...and there was an IMAX theater. We went in and saw a movie.. Several days later my head started to itch. My mother chalked it up to stress as I was a high strung kid.

Upon returning home it was discovered that I had lice. I was mortified. It was awful. Mind you I had hair that was well past my bottom and getting the nits out of it was quite a chore. My parents spent several hours picking through my hair on the patio.

This was particularly rough because my mother is a clean freak...a typical operating room would maybe possibly pass muster if she were in a generous mood.

So it was suggested that I got lice from the IMAX theater..thus I do not enjoy movies out.

who knew???

That fish can lose parts of their tails when stressed. I am assuming it is like hair loss in humans when stressed...
What ever it is or is not like I went up and fed Uj and F and noticed that UJ seemed to have torn his tail. I commented on it to my mother and she said 'oh yea!! then the can get tail rot' (is that fishy style gangrene??) She also told me that I can get medication should he (truth be told I have no idea if UJ should be AJ....and how would one tell??) come down with this ailment. Somehow I do not think it is likely that I will be buy medicine for a .12 gold fish.

So here is hoping that UJ can destress and hopefully regrow his tail.

CRISIS

Sitting at the table eating...enjoying a free pop...then the peace was shattered....a piercing shriek...I ran up stairs...Princess managed to knock the dresser over and with it 2 fish tanks. Thankfully no one was seriously hurt. (except potentially the fish UJ prognosis is cautiously optimistic).

2 gallons of scummy fish water all over a kids bedroom and toys is a lot of water. And stinky water at that. That is raining down into the laundry room...ewwwwwwww.

So upon arrival at the scene of the accident I did a 'scene survey' and ascertained that Princess was trapped under the dresser, Stinky was on the bed and there were 2 fish MIA. Princess was freed. Princess was examined for physical injuries. The damage seemed to be limited psychological trauma. Children were deposited in bath tub to wash off fish water.

Aside: did you know that catching fish when flopping around is hard..especially when holding a baby??

Fish caught and put in cup as temporary containment. Clean-up begins...gravel, fish food, and gross fish water were EVERYWHERE. We will be finding gravel for months.
It was a miracle that neither of the glass tanks broke and no one was seriously injured.

Tanks were cleaned and put back together...fish re inserted in watery home. UJ (the fish) flopped to the bottom of the tank and assumed a decidedly depressing pose. Princess realized that he may die. She wept for him. She kissed his tank and told him that she loved him.

All joking a side seeing her obvious affection and concern for the fish melted me. She is so sensitive to the suffering of others-even fish.

So I will check on the fish periodically and hope for his recovery and hope that mortality has not caught up with dear UJ

I am sorry...

I have the best kids ever. Sorry. I got them. They are great. I am so immensely proud of them all.

After suffering with a migraine Princess told her brother that they should go play downstairs so momma could rest. She told him I had an owie in my head and resting would help...he came over to kiss my head to make it feel better. She then asked me to carry #3 downstairs. I did I went back up stairs and listened to them play soooooo nicely.

My children are the best ever.

Country or City

I like both...I am not totally happy where we are now..which led me to think exactly what I would look for in my 'ideal' living situation.

-I want a huge front porch (that would ideally face west)
-I want to have a horse- I miss riding. I miss the wind, the smell, the horses, being up on a horse brings me peace- the best job I ever had was teaching riding.
-I want flowers and vegetables- growing my own reminds me of my grandfather.
-I want to be able to feel safe
-I want goats and sheep and chickens- maybe even a cow. I like knowing where my food comes from...
-I want a tree swing for the kids

all of this leads me to think that I want to live in the country. I like knowing my neighbors. The problems??

I hate driving. To live in the country would mean that you do not 'run out' anywhere...it is always a trip.

Doctors..If need be a firehouse is down the street from my house..and yes I have called 911 2x since we have been in this house.

food- i love ethnic food. real thai, real indian, real italian and if I want it I do not want to sub some sub par chain for good food. Heck even here I have not found 'the place' for half of my ethnic food cravings.

museums/libraries- I would miss them. So would the kids. We go to way to many museums

So where should we live?? Country or city??? any ideas??

Observations on adoption

I am far from an expert on adoption and in my limited experience with adoption and the people involved I have been impressed.

A family who lived near me as a child adopted twice from India, a former boyfriend and his sister were adopted, a friend has a adopted twice from Asia, and a few other acquaintances have been involved in some way or another with adoptions.

Recently a family I know has decided to pursue adoption. The would be grandparents are less than enthusiastic- questioning the bond, the reasons, several different things. I was confused and hurt for her. I am of the belief that families are made is several ways. What makes a family is not how people came to be a part of it but the common love that is shared. Their reaction in fact made me pretty sad- children need a loving home.

On the few occasions I have had to observe adoptive parents with their children I have been struck with the dedication that the parents have to the children and the love shared between them. These parents are parents in every respect and have obviously been dedicated to being parents as the adoption process is usually quite long and drawn out.

My Husband

I miss him so much. I wish he were here.

I miss putting my head in the spot that was a little under his shoulder and on his chest. I always would be on his left side listening to his heart. His arm would drape around me and rest on my tummy. He would let his hand touch my stomach and he liked the way three pregnancies had changed me as much as I hate it.

screw up

I screwed up. I royally screwed up a friendship that I value. NONE of it was her fault it was all mine. we have not really talked since this came to light except for very short emails. She is willing to talk with me and put this all behind us...and I am amazed by that- and very grateful but to be honest I am so ashamed of it all I don't want to talk about it. I can't explain it in any sense. She is a wonderful woman and mom and she deserves better from me. I don't know what to do. I know I should suck it up and talk.... but I am scared and ashamed and so sorry

what do I do??

want to scream!!!!!!!!

All I can say is 'HOLY FUCK!!!!!!' apparently there is some magnetism between my children and things they are not supposed to do.

If there is something on the floor it must be stood upon.

They must run/jump in the house.

They must tear holes in the bag of flour.

slide down the stairs on their bottoms

climb and sit on furniture in inappropriate ways

and what the HELL is the draw to the dogs bowls?? each child has acted like there is some sort of thing in there that is irresistible

also the baby and the stairs?? WHY?????

I can warn and ask them to stop-redirect-- anything and then they are SHOCKED when they get hurt.

Lost the battle

of the Barbies. As a girl I LOVED my barbies...I had an unhealthy obsession with them..I played with them named them....lots of fun. Somehow I decided that I did not want to have my kids playing with such a stereotypical toy. I did not want to foster any not so healthy values in them. I lost.

Princess loves her Barbies. oh well. She dresses them. makes them walk does all sorts of things with them that are in fact very imaginative. Oh well. I can deal with Barbies...but if someone buys Bratz...I put my foot down

I know I know

I said would not post any depressing crap in here after some events of the autumn but I need to discuss this.

In life there are a lot of anniversaries, marriage, birth, death, on and on. Tuesday is not a good anniversary. Tuesday is the 10 year dates since I went to UT. Tuesday is 10 years since my life got turned upside down and spun around.

I have talked with my mom about this and she just does not understand why I do not let it go. 'Let it go'... really? is she serious? Let go 2 strangers waking be up in the middle of the night and taking me to Orem, Utah? Where I would stay for the next 9 and a half months?

Maybe she does not want to discuss it. I can't always discuss it in a manner that is 'connected'. That was one of my biggest issues: connection. I disconnect from my feelings- separate myself to get by because sometimes my emotions are too much for me to do and I can't so I disconnect. Great for somethings. Great for making it through grief. Great for appearing stoic. Great for becoming a vindictive bitch. But that great also has a downside. Feelings do not go away. They do not stay folded neatly in a drawer until a better time. They fester and stew. And then they come back-- the godzilla of feelings.

Therapy in UT did not immediately fix anything. There was no healing no nothing. I learned to trust less-to hide better- to hide more. Kind of counter productive in that sense. But I learned a lot. Not the things that people wanted me to learn but other things that were necessary. Such as the concept of justice is subjective. Mostly I became cynical...I stopped trusting. I stopped letting him to close to me- guarding was my specialty.

I did not stop throwing-up I did not stop counting- I just became better at it- without realizing it.

Came home 'better' but not really better at all. I hung on thinking I was ok then lost it totally, made a lot of mistakes. Thought I lost everything. Then realized I had only just begun. So here i am nearly 10 years later. Three kids later. 2 husbands later. I have several more scars physical and emotional. I am different in so so many ways but absolutely the same in others

I need a pedometer for night time

After a long day of dealing with kids with colds, getting sneezed on...nose bleeds, diapers-

Got the kids in bed. It was rough. Back and forth between beds...between cuddling, nursing potty, reading.

Finally... fell asleep to be woken up by coughing- I swear I never fall all the way asleep. I get half way there...leave an eye partially open...still listen for sounds that are not quite right- anyway Stinky comes padding into my room coughing. He gets into bed with me and pukes.. all over me..peas, the bed... great. Change sheets, pjs...

doze back off. Hear princess crying. She had an accident. change her sheets, her pjs, go back to sleep.

Hear peas fussing roll over start nursing. She has massive gas..well a buttplosion.. again change sheets, pjs..start to doze. Alarm goes off.

The joys of motherhood. Can not wait for my massage.

peas sneezes

...or pretends too. in addition to the usual repertoire of peek-a-boo and raspberries peas has her pretend sneeze and it is the cutest stinkin' thing ever. if i pretened to sneeze and say "achoooo" peas pretends with the cutest little head bob and 'achoo' of her own.. it is the most adorable thing in the world

a quick lesson in things NOT to do

Do not take three kids and one dog to PetSmart alone ever. Under any circumstances. Only bad can come of this.

Those of you who have known me a long time will remember a time when I was pregnant and a certain husband went to the pet store unsupervised and returned with another dog..... well this was worse way worse.

never again...no way no how not happening

Chill

it is so funny to hear preschooler's telling each other that. I had the pleasure of it just last week. I had to take my husbands super enormous work truck downtown ... I was getting very very frustrated trying to park the damn thing...considering when in the city I prefer to CTA it and in the burbs parking is not nearly such a concern...

So I found a garage. Took a ticket and entered. Found a spot. Unloaded. the kids of course started bickering. I told them to chill out. They began to tell each other that. Those who have heard Sinky's voice imagine his tiny sweet voice saying 'princess, chill out' then Princess replying 'stinkyI am chill, you chill' I burst out laughing and instantly felt better.

ESCAPE

The holidays are over. I am relieved this year to take down decorations and pack them away for next year. So I went to the crawl space and stared to drag out the bins to put things away. After dragging them out and packing them up then back down stairs.. my son came down and was talking to me. I told him not to shut the door. repeatedly. He did. and he locked. I was locked in my crawlspace. Thankfully princesswas within shouting distance. She came and let me out.

What I learned: bring a phone.

Raptor Dog

We have a fully fenced back yard. In theory that would keep the two dogs in the yard...theories are great aren't they? But they do not always work. Especially when it pertains to dogs.

the husky is a digger. She digs out...under then fence..or she eats through it. Seriously eats. the golden doodle is a sweet sweet boy with the IQ of a flea. So the husky escapes...te golden doodle follows. the husky stays close...the doolde gets lost.

So an electric fence was installed. In general I am opposed to things like that. I find them cruel. But after building a dog run...getting a new fence..and still having escapees desperate times call for desperate measures.

Now the husky behaves like a raptor from "Jurassic Park" testing the fence she gets close hears a beep and backs off. The beep is the warning that she will be zapped. If she does not hear the beep she digs..... I have a raptor for a dog. Except a lot nicer