Last night I met some friends for dinner. It was fun! I need other women! (and I am finding out that one of my friends and I have some bizarre parallels in our lives and beliefs, which I love because I have always felt 'out there')
Now the frustrating part. I saw my friend who I think is the sweetest person alive. She inspires me to look for good in other people and to try and be as genuine as she is. She is also expecting....it is hard to see that right now. It was hard to learn that another friend is expecting. I totally did not think I would feel that way. I totally did not think I would be jealous of them.. But I am.
Maybe I do want more babies...
By the way to my friends who are expecting...I am totally thrilled for you!
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Yeah, I am not upset or bothered by people who are expecting....my thought is more like "Treasure this because it didn't work out for me." or "Why do they get to be pregnant and I didn't?? Why did it work out for them and not me?" And it brings thoughts to my head like "If I hadn't lost the baby then I would have been ____ weeks along now..." I'm with you sister.
I know it has been a challenging few months for you with all the drama around Zoe's birth and then the unexpected pregnancy and then the miscarriage. You have three beautiful children which you fought really hard for. I think you should give yourself some time to recover from all that you have lived through recently and then assess what your heart and you body are telling you. Maybe you do want more babies but only time and bit of perspective will help you make the right decision. God will guide you and give you confirmation in you heart either way.
Love you.
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