Motherhood journey

I am not the kind of mom I anticipated. Heck I had not exactly anticipated kids, let alone 3. So when I found I was pregnant I did what every student does, go to the library (duh) and checked out essentially the entire pregnancy section.

What I planned was simple: for pregnancy and labor and delivery epidural all the way, baby would sleep in his or her own crib in his or her own room, be bottle fed (formula), use all the chemically things, use disposable diapers, go to daycare, have a schedule, I would continue with school and a career and be a working mom, oh yeah and no more kids...ever...

Well lets see how that panned out:

Skylar was a preemie which kind of threw a wrench in the labor and delivery plans. Yes I had drugs after three days of terrible labor I needed to take a break. Skylar had a bassinet which she may have actually been in once or twice but she usually slept with me, she had her own room which was essentially used only to store her stuff in, she was nursed (at Brian's encouragement, it really meant a lot to him that I nurse, and I did, then feel in love), I started reading labels on chemically things and could no longer stomach them, disposables were too expensive for preemies so cloth diapers were used, and if you have met Skylar you know that she sets her own schedule, that independent streak has been there from birth....I did go back to work, she did go to daycare, and well the no more kid thing....cute idea huh?

With William it just got worse. I started slinging him, never bothered with a bassinet, quit my job, still nurse the boy, natural labor/delivery, etc. With Zoe her cradle is more of a stuffed animal storage bin (there is a cabbage patch doll in there now)....

Why the change? Aside from "the best laid plans of mice and men..." saying, I think I did what I needed to do to feel in control of the situation research and planning...as afore mentioned I need plans....But as I got into the mother role, I realized that I was doing things that did not seem natural or right, and when I learned to let go and do what I was comfortable with everyone was happier....The way I parent is not right for everyone, but it works for us. I am not fighting an internal battle about what I should be doing and what I feel I need to do. Thus everyone is happier, happier moms make happier babies.