don't know what to say.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

a) I am sorry for not writing much... busy does not seem to do it justice
b) I am tired
c) I am so incredibly angry and sad and mixed up and well a lot

I am writing this from the Pediatric floor of the local hospital. Pixie was admitted today with a very high fever and acting lethargic and just not herself. I am scared for her and worried about her.

I can't explain to her why they are hurting her all she does is look at me with her huge eyes with sadness and confusion

She had a really high fever the other day and Tylenol was not terribly effective and she was listless and unhappy. She needed to be on me constantly. Then there were the storms there were some fun storms that no one could sleep through. Two nights with no sleep. Lots of pain, bleeding, sick kid, water in the basement. Whole lot of not fun.

But here we are. Pixie is feeling better being loved on and snuggled. She is trying to pick her pulse ox off her toe and being stinkin' cute.

That is the the good news.

Then I found out about an absolute tragedy. A couple I know who had worked for and loved their new baby to the ends of the earth, lost their little one today. A few days after her due date. I am crushed for them. Broken for them. I cannot imagine their feelings.

It puts what I have been going through into perspective. It makes me thankful that I can sit her and make faces at my baby. It makes my kidney seem insignificant and nothing.

I am so so sorry for them for what they have to go through. If I could help them in anyway I would be happy to take a little of their load.

How are words supposed to convey anything close to what I am feeling for these people? How much more can be handed out? None of it is fair.


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