Worst Nightmare

Now that I have had time to reflect on the events of yesterday. I have come to realize that I lived through part of my worst nightmare ever: Brian getting injured at the Firehouse. Now that I know he is okay, I can sigh in relief. But frankly, the idea of losing Brian is something I think about every day before he leaves for the firehouse and the entire time he is there. Usually while he is gone I try and stay busy so I don't have time to worry. If too much time goes by from when I hear from him I worry, when the news comes on with a story of a suburban fire or and injured fireman I have to listen to make sure it is not him. When I know he is at a fire, I worry until he calls me and tells me the fire is out and all is well.

I am incredibly proud of him. I am incredibly proud of his willingness to give of himself for the betterment of everyone else. I get teary when I think of all he does, of what he is willing to give up. That is my version of patriotism, supporting my husband while he gives of himself to protect our communities and keep them safe. More people should appreciate all that firemen do and give up to keep us safe.

Ever since 9/11 the potential of losing him has been a little more real. Something I cannot imagine, yet have to live with. When we married we went over the 'in the line of duty death packet'. Yes there is a whole packet devoted to this. In it the fireman plans his funeral, specifies who will tell your family, who should stay with your family while the fireman is injured, and all sorts of things that no one ever ever wants to think of. In a way it is nice to know that all of that is taken care of. That if something terrible were to happen I wouldn't have to worry about the little things.

If Brian reads this he will laugh it off as over-emotional wife stuff that what he does is a job. He goes to work and comes home same as everyone else.

But I need to say thank you to him. Thank you for giving so much.

Seriously though, Brian is a crucial part of me. We as a family depend on him. We depend on him for so much so much that I seem to forget about when he annoys me. I say that to be married to a fireman you have to be independent. Well, kind of, I have to be able to handle day to day stuff, I have to be willing to drive myself to the hospital when I am in labor, but I know that when it counts, when I really need him, he is there, always. I also know that I could not function without him. Yes I could live with out him, but I do not want too. I need him.