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There, I said it. Out loud, well in print. This is not to say that I do not adore my family. Really I do. I love them more than words can say, but sometimes, I do not want to be Mama.
Sometimes I wish I could hand over the reigns for a little bit to someone else and start to rediscover who I am, under the layers of snot and years of sleep deprivation. See I can't. No one will be home to take my load. My load is mine.
Even as I am writing this Peas is pulling my hands away and holding them. I also have Pixie in my lap and Stinky calling me. I have yet to wipe up the floor, finish the dishes, laundry, do some reading with Princess, and get everyone to bed.
Logically, I should stop writing and get to work right? But I can hardly muster the motivation to think.
Mommy-burn out. Plain old mommy burn out. The feeling that I just can never get out from under the tasks that demand my time and attention. There is no getting ahead.
Torn between wanting to cry/scream or pull my hair out I am trying to figure a way out.
Depression? maybe.
Anxiety? duh.
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2 comments:
No I feel you. I honestly don't think a day goes by when I don't wish for some time ALONE. I think about all I could FINALLY get done if these kids would leave me alone! Hubby tries maybe once a month to take them out, but there is just so much to do that even taking them for 4 hours, I barely touch my to-do list. I would just love 2 or 3 days alone so I can get everything done then laze around w/o anyone watching or bugging! But when I feel like that I remind myself that one day they will have lives of their own, they will be out of the house, and I am going to miss them so terribly much it will probably hurt physically.
I know exactly what you mean and I only have two and the youngest is in preschool so I do have some time to myself on a fairly regular basis. It just never seems like enough.
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