A Pole-less week.

And boy am I sad about it. I have not been this depressed about missing something in a REALLY long time.

My week is all thrown off and I am super not pleased about it. Tuesday night sexy time with "Carlos" is MY time with MY friends. Stupid kidneys making it not work.

Normally, I get up on Tuesday and start my internal count down to Tease time. By 5:30 I am usually so anxious to get out of the house- by 6:30 I am running out the door. Yesterday, I watched the clock but couldn't go anywhere. I was in pain.

It was very depressing.

Tease is not like going to the gym and hitting the treadmill. It is a life- style, a mind set, a vacation. Tease time is mine.

I feel like I talk about Tease too much. Wax on about the glories of it. That is not really my intention. But I believe in it. Silly as it is to believe in pole dancing I do. I believe it. My confidence is improved. I am more comfortable with myself as a whole. I am learning so much. I am so grateful for the chance to do this.

Some people have said it is 'not their thing' or think it is trashy, or get 'holier than thou' when I talk about it.

Don't knock it til ya try it. Seriously. I went in to it scared and overwhelmed and came out a shaking sweaty mess ready to sign on the line but not ready to leave the studio.

In my treatment for kidney issues one of the first questions is when can I get back to pole dancing... usually that makes the doctor stop and turn and look at me incredulously, then eye my four children- inevitably in the room with us, like he is unsure if this is okay to discuss in front of innocent ears, and say "excuse me?" I repeat myself: "I take pole dancing- for exercise, like yoga" but more fun.

Then they breath a sigh of relief. But I don't. Because I miss my Tease Time.