Mama Meltdown

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Kids are not the only ones who have meltdowns. Mamas do. It should come as no surprise.

Mamas are needed 24/7 (or at least I am). I have kids making requests (demands) at the same time, whining, pestering, arguing with each other, just bothering each other for the sake of bothering each other....wanting to touch me all the time.. and night time sleep is a mere memory.

I can't even explain what happens from day to day... there is just so much it just wears me out. Emotionally, physically, mentally... especially knowing that there will not be a reprieve for a very very long time.

Then I feel my hands start to shake, my shoulders around my ears... tension mounts, anxiety builds. I feel utterly incapable of accomplishing the basic tasks in life, going to the grocery store? Just thinking about it is more than overwhelming.

At some point I lose my patience and yell. It is not that I want to yell- really I don't. At the moment though I am usually tired and frustrated and really really wanting peace and quiet.

Some people are energized with social situations. Very rarely am I- I do not like to be around large groups of people-- even kids.

All of this left me on the phone the other day in desperation pleading for some support- to not feel so alone. Seriously considering calling a psychiatrist because what I was/am feeling cannot be normal. But maybe it is... maybe all (or most) moms have their patience tested to an inch of their sanity. Maybe if we all were honest about how a 72 hour pysch hold to sleep and not have to argue about not jumping on the dining room table may be a good idea, maybe then so many moms wouldn't feel so entirely alone so isolated, like they suck as a parent because locking the bathroom door to pee is the only way they can not have to deal with some form of chaos for a few moments.


Kimberly said...

Oh sweetie...
I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and let me tell you...that edge of sanity gets pushed every day and very easily.
Know that every mom...say it with me...EVERY MOM has times when our limits are stretched to the point where we lash out or crumble to the floor or both. Motherhood is extremely hard and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are full of shit.
These meltdowns don't mean that you're a bad mother or can't handle being a mother. We all have them.
Sending you giant hugs.

Lizz said...

I know there are days when I feel pushed to the limit, and I'm not even at home all day, so I can totally see where you're coming from, and don't think it's "abnormal" at all! We're all expected to do SO MUCH, ALL THE TIME that it's gotta come out somewhere! (((HUGS)))

amygrew said...

I feel this way A LOT! It is so much to handle 24 hours a day. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job, cut your self a little slack. All moms feel this way and if they don't, they have a full time nanny....

isn't that cheating :)

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