Mama Meltdown

Kids are not the only ones who have meltdowns. Mamas do. It should come as no surprise.

Mamas are needed 24/7 (or at least I am). I have kids making requests (demands) at the same time, whining, pestering, arguing with each other, just bothering each other for the sake of bothering each other....wanting to touch me all the time.. and night time sleep is a mere memory.

I can't even explain what happens from day to day... there is just so much it just wears me out. Emotionally, physically, mentally... especially knowing that there will not be a reprieve for a very very long time.

Then I feel my hands start to shake, my shoulders around my ears... tension mounts, anxiety builds. I feel utterly incapable of accomplishing the basic tasks in life, going to the grocery store? Just thinking about it is more than overwhelming.

At some point I lose my patience and yell. It is not that I want to yell- really I don't. At the moment though I am usually tired and frustrated and really really wanting peace and quiet.

Some people are energized with social situations. Very rarely am I- I do not like to be around large groups of people-- even kids.

All of this left me on the phone the other day in desperation pleading for some support- to not feel so alone. Seriously considering calling a psychiatrist because what I was/am feeling cannot be normal. But maybe it is... maybe all (or most) moms have their patience tested to an inch of their sanity. Maybe if we all were honest about how a 72 hour pysch hold to sleep and not have to argue about not jumping on the dining room table may be a good idea, maybe then so many moms wouldn't feel so entirely alone so isolated, like they suck as a parent because locking the bathroom door to pee is the only way they can not have to deal with some form of chaos for a few moments.