normally when you are inches away from a mans face and he whispers 'Oh, Oh my' it is a good thing

Maybe a month or so ago I noticed my vision in my right eye being a little off. I chalked it up to my migraine headaches or a sinus infection. I could not see part of my lower field of vision. It never went away but it never got any worse- and I stopped paying attention to it

I needed new glasses I new it- it had been since Stinky was born that I went to the eye doctor- so I scheduled an appointment- and rescheduled when life got in the way. Today the moons and stars aligned so as to allow me to get to the eye doc.

Something was off from the get go. I couldn't read the second line on the eye chart with my right eye.

Go into the exam room- yes my prescription has gotten worse but when the doctor was looking at my eye all up close and personal like he whispers, "oh oh oh my"... This is not a time when 'oh oh' is a good thing to hear. I couldn't take this as a complement. He then sits back in his seat with a sigh- not a satisfied sigh more of a 'how to talk about this' sigh.

I have a rather giant hemorrhage on my right retina. Which is what was causing my vision changes. I am now at risk for losing the sight in my eye. My world did a quick spin. I questioned what I had to do from here- what treatments are available. He told me I needed to see an ophthalmologist as soon as possible- like Monday. He said that the only treatment that was used was lasering my retina to occlude the blood vessels much like the laser procedure used for ROP. The problem is that the vision that I have lost is gone.

I am freaked out by this. Losing my sight? Really? I thought it was nothing or that I was being dramatic- just brushing it off- bad idea. I should have gone as soon as I noticed my vision being off. I was kind of relieved that I had not lost my mind entirely that my vision was off.

Now I feel out of my depth. I know less than nothing about sight and eye stuff. I have a feeling I am in for a crash course in it though.

One thing that crossed my mind was losing my sight entirely. I know that the bleeding is on one side only- but the thought of losing the ability to see sends me into a cold sweat. I cannot imagine a world in which I can't see my children. That concept is unfathomable. If you have any extra prayers please send them this way.