Ok not my favorite day. This year it was extra awful. And all my doing. I hit a parked car with my car. I feel like utter crap. I feel so stupid and such an idiot and all sorts of awful things. I want to go hide and bury myself and not come out for a long time. I want to do something I know I shouldn't but I want to. I can look at the scars on my arms and remember that the dark is not taken away by them- but it does not change my impulse.
It does not take much to knock me off my precarious balance between dark and not so dark. So now I am sinking swiftly..drowning in the dark really-without the energy or desire to fight for it.
You see I went to refill my prescription and decided to kill two birds with one stone I also stopped at a friends house and dropped off a card. I swear I put the car into park- but I didn't. It rolled into their car- both are damaged. It will be fixed. But I can't really afford the deductible. I know it was my fault. My neglect. My problem. I am not asking for sympathy. I am not asking for anything really. Just saying this is where I am- and for it sucks.