sometimes I wish..

That I had not "gone public" with my blog. (I am really glad I did though 99% of the time)

However, every once in a while I have a hard time--who doesn't have a hard time once in a while??

And I feel like I am pasting myself back together with frayed ends, and mismatched pieces. But I feel like I cannot go and have verbal diarrhea on my blog because I.MUST.KEEP.IT.TOGETHER at all times. I must not reveal that behind my blog sits me: sometimes barely holding it together with a thread. Sometimes afraid to let things go for fear I may not get things back again. Sometimes just unable to find words for feelings. Unable to cry. Unable to allow myself to feel, because what if.. what if what I feel is too much? What if what I feel sinks me? What if?

What if I let everyone down? What if no one likes me? What if everyone judges me? What if.....

So sometimes I wish that I had not put my blog out there. But then someone emails me and lets me know that as much as I feel like it. I am not alone.