YOUR EYES PEOPLE USE THEM!

and I am not saying please this time!

So my mom responsibilities some how include being a GPS of sorts for all types of belongings- shoes- cups- DVDs- you name it I am asked to locate it. This is in addition to the standard list of household crap that I am expected to do- cooking/cleaning/shopping/making sure people make it to school- in clothes that are a) clean b)weather appropriate and c) at least somewhat match- et al.

This one gets to me. It is not MY sippy cup- I do not know where you put it- no I am not getting you another one to lose. Shoes. I hate shoes. Princess must have 15 pairs of shoes. Yesterday she could not find ONE matching pair of shoes. Not a single pair. There is a bin under the bed where ALL shoes belonging to anyone under age 20 are supposed to be put- it is there home- do shoes end up there??? NO! not unless I put them there. Several times a day I ask and remind people to please put their belongings away as I cannot be responsible for everything all of the time. Does it happen?? big fat NO.

I can tell Stinky or Princess where something is and they can not find it- still- even though it is plain sight. If it is not about to leap into their hands it must be invisible. This goes for all sorts of objects. and it bothers me. a lot. is it a big deal? in the long run no- not really- but it is a habit I would really like to break sooner rather than later. Heaven forbid I send people into the world like my husband who would WAKE me up at 5 am to find HIS keys that he had mislaid- so he could go to work. I will not willingly do that to another person.

In attempt to do that I instituted a new rule that will be applied in degrees relative to the child's age- if it is not mine and you can't find it- not my problem- no shoes? I hope it is not cold out.
Can't find your cup? oh well.

Natural consequences to seem to work best for my children seeing how behavior is relative to things.

No really, I mean it

My house has pretty few hard and fast 'rules' the ones we do have are pretty much related to safety issues.

One of them is please do not play ball in the house. Well today- my exercise ball made it downstairs from my room- it is one of those big heavy plastic giant balls- that is apparently irresistible to kids. Outside- I do not mind them playing with it- inside things get carried away fast and someone would liable to get hurt.

So today Stinky, Princess, and Peas were playing with with ball and after several requests to stop they did not choose to listen- soon we had set the ball aside and decided to clean up the toys that were out in the basement and then go out to play with the ball. After the toys were cleaned up I went upstairs to get jackets to go outside and Stinky could no longer resist the giant purple ball in the corner and he began to play with it- shockingly he rolled- with the ball straight down the stairs. He was not hurt- but scared- and surprised. How could he fall down the stairs? I had only warned him seven times that morning- how was he supposed to know of the dangers?!?!?!?!?

It makes me batty that they do not listen and are shocked when they get hurt. It is not like I ask them to stop or have a ton of rules just to constrain them or ruin their fun. When I say something like that it is for a purpose.

so frustrating

Teething doesn't hurt???

Really? Sure about that?? I beg to differ. As would, I suspect my 19 month old does as she was up the majority of last night screaming- shrieking even. The only source of this blood curdling shriek fest are her incoming canine teeth. But you know teething doesn't hurt right??? *cough* that is crap *cough*.

I am on day two of pretty much no sleep. Peas can rest only when I am massaging her gums where her teeth are coming. If I stop even momentarily she is awake and begins her blood curdling yelling, with tears. But teething isn't painful is it???

Just think small pointy things poking through your mouth splitting your gums open- occasionally causing them to bleed and swell- that does not sound painful at all- does it??

The simple answer is Motrin or Tylenol right? I agree- but for some reason my kids are vehemently anti medicine. One night I spent $70 on fever reducer different brands flavors etc in a desperate attempt to get one of the children to get ONE dose of medication in them...ONE DOSE. Before ya'll get all 'well you are just not doing it right' on me--- not even experienced ER nurses can get my children to take medicine- that tastes GOOD! Stinky has even figured out how to squeeze the butt pills from his tush forcing someone to stand there and hold it in place until it dissolves.

They refuse even the homeopathic teething tabs...if it looks like a medicine they will NOT take it under any circumstances EVER.

I have at times resorted to putting medicine that is necessary down their noses if they refuse steadfastly to take it. Princess is easier now because I can explain to her that this is necessary and will make her feel better- Peas and Stinky are still a few years away from that understanding. Which means I have a few more years of getting creative with the medicine.

As a six month old boy Stinky had RSV and needed steroids to help him breath and Tylenol. He instead of taking it decided to refuse ANYTHING that we put near his mouth. No nursing, no frozen milk, no pedialyte, no nothing which led to him being dehydrated. At six months he would prefer to NOT eat than take medicine.

Growing up!

Around the house we often refer to Peas as 'Baby Peas' we will have to stop that soon. She is a 'big girl' growing everyday. Learning more than I would like to admit.

Last night she reached another milestone. She slept in her 'big girl bed' - a toddler bed. It is all of six inches off the ground and is the same size as the crib- which she never ever liked. For her first night she did really really well. She got up three times over night but never got out of bed. She just sat there and fussed and waited for me to come to her to snuggle- soon she drifted back off and I left her peacefully snoring.

She was very excited to get her big girl bed she did her happy dance with clapping and foot stomping to show her delight. If you ask her where her big girl bed is she will grab your finger and drag you to her room to show off her new bed.

I can hardly believe this is the same little girl who came home under four pounds. Now she is in a big girl bed. What happened? Where did the time go? Wasn't she just a little baby? She has opinions and voices them! She can communicate. She knows what she wants! This is not fair. We did not discuss her growing up so fast!

kindergarten socialite

If she could have a rhinestone encrusted pencil case I am sure she would. As it stands Princess's social calender dominates my family calender of commitments- which incidentally I purchased primarily to track her activities.

She is greeted with calls from her friends when we walk up to the playground at school everyday- as if they had not seen each other less than 24 hours prior. She beams and sprints to toss her bag in line then dashes off to join her friends for a riveting game of red light=green light.

She is very kind though. She does let her brother play with her and help him get the hang of the rules and games. Which I love to see- I know this will likely change soon because he will become more of a bother than anything else.

Anyhow. Everyday I get to hear a narrative of one of her new friends and their exploits in kindergarten. Nearly everyday she arrives home with another invitation to a party of play date.

I am pleased she is so social. I am thrilled she is well liked. But I am the intimidated one.

OWWWWW!

I broke a tooth. Yes my luck just sucks that much right now. I should go give to charity or something to put some good karma out there or something.

Anyway it hurts. I can't eat, I can't drink (unless it is through a straw and I can get the liquid past the painful area of my mouth). This, while a fantastic diet technique was not on my plan for the week- I get to squeeze in a mini road trip to Peoria for the dentist between kindergarten and field trips and birthday parties while sucking my meals through a straw.

The dentist is one of my least favorite places in the world. Not through any horrific experience or anything I just do not like having my mouth fussed with- all though pain is certainly not my favorite....

So when B's uncle comes home from the conference he is attending- and lets me know when we can make the trek down there- we (the kids and I) will pile into the mini van and head south west. One issue with taking the kids is I HAVE to put on a brave face- no matter how much I would not like to. I cannot appear to be anything less than calm, cool, and collected while someone meddles in my mouth.

Hopefully we will be able to get this done ASAP. Because my mouth hurts and I am crabby.

I live in a spelling bee

What is even worse is I am a terrible speller. Princess is writing now- full words and sentences, occasionally paragraphs. She can sound out a lot words and do pretty well- short words she does really well on- but occasionally- more than occasionally she asks/demands/requests me to spell a word for her. Most of the time I do pretty well. But I am terrified that I am going to pull a Dan Quail and add an extra 'e' or something somewhere.

Out of habit I'll say the word- then spell the word- then say it again. Add a pleated, plaid, wool, skirt and some knee socks and it would be all over.

When does this end? I am assuming that I am going to end up having to spell 'chrysanthemum' or something without spell check- somethings I am just not ready for

Talents and Not Talents

My children love to pretend. Love it. They could spend their entire day in a magical world of princesses, race cars, trains, princes, dragons, and dinosaurs- all together- intertwined with a plot and a sub-plot etc.

I get don't. I get bored. I have no interest in playing their games or being all excited over a monkey. 'oh look a monkey- yep it is still a monkey.' This makes me feel guilty. Because I force myself to play in their land and I am afraid my lack of enthusiasm carries through. Playing sometimes is literally painful- I'll get a headache- I get exhausted- my mind just does not want to engage that way.

My preferred activity? reading, crafts, sports, running- things that are quiet and not so intensive. Sometimes when I hear 'mama' called over and over again I want to scream or cry or hide or run away.

It makes me sad sometimes that their enthusiasm is wasted on me- working up the energy to engage sometimes is too much. I am willing to admit I am jealous of moms who can do this tirelessly. I guess it all comes down to embracing our differences. As independent and social as Princess is as snuggly and cuddly as Peas is, as enthusiastic and energetic as Stinky is- we all have our personalities and our quirks.

This is not to say I have a bad imagination- just that- it functions differently- I can loose myself in a book in a heartbeat- be there with the characters- loose myself in thought on a run- but in a pretend world I can't seem to.

International Babywearing Week

Yes- I am late on this as I am on most things but I did not forget about it.....International Babywearing Week (yay! score for the calender!)

Those of you who know me know that I was a slow convert to babywearing but am now a devotee and the proud owner of a small-ish stash.

One of the reasons I have become so devoted to babywearing is because of my status as a NICU mom. As a mother in the NICU a helpless feeling is par for the course. There is a limited amount you can do to help your baby grow, recover, or learn- even fewer that you can do to help give your baby the best start possible. One of those things is kangaroo care. Skin to skin contact has been shown to help babies tremendously. It is great in the NICU but it can be harder to dedicate hours at home to snuggling a preemie on your chest. Babywearing is a fantastic way to hold your baby close to get some of the benefits of kangaroo care and still live in the world (somewhat).

I love ring slings for this purpose. Snuggled in an upright front carry my 3 lb babies have been very content. The sling is supportive enough to cradle them securely mimicking a feeling of being back inside me, while allowing them to hear my heartbeat, feel my warmth, be comforted by my scent- and as they grew they could nurse there snuggled close and loved. My now 19 month old and 3 year old still love the time in the sling.

Babywearing did not start out to be an extension of kangaroo care for me- it started as a necessity. I had too much to do and carry and not enough hands to manage- at first I was skeptical- I thought the sling would be complicated, hard to use, or just plain uncomfy. How pleasantly surprised I was to see that NONE of that was the case.

After I mastered the ring sling I branched out a bit- Mei Tais, Wraps, Soft Structured Carriers....all have their purposes- their drawbacks- their plus sides. But I use at least one type of carrier everyday- in fact I hear my 19 month old having an issue now- as she is teething- I bet that she will feel much better after some time on my back- and I will be calmer too.

A safety net

Photo credit to Carrie Beck of Shining Wave Photography.

I feel like that is what I am a lot. The kids are getting older and therefore more independent. I don't 'helicopter parent' that has never been my style but I am always there watching observing and able to intervene if things get unsafe or out of hand.

Now with Princess in Kindergarten I feel like I am more of a safety net for her learning to work on the high wire or trapeze. I watch her work out problems with her peers and her brother and sister- I am sometimes amazed by her maturity. She is caring and loving and every moment I am proud of her.

Stinky and Peas still need more guidance and that is a hard balance to strike- between their needs- but I am learning just as they are.

I will always be ready to help when they need it- sometimes they know it and ask and sometimes they don't- but I am there. I will always be there.

Me Responsible?? Ummm nope

Yesterday was picture day in our world. Which means that Princess was more interested in primping and preening than average. It also means that for the past week we have been under going outfit negotiations to avoid the 4 year old fashion sense extravaganza that I was treated to last year.

Because she again seemed to grow over night and all of her skirts/dresses seemed to be a tency bit on the short side (and maybe I am totally out of touch on this) we hit Gymboree (a store that is out of my price range but for an occasion such as this and the fact that I had a coupon I sucked it up and went). She is a mini fashonista. NOTHING suited her fancy. She wanted a dress and none met her 'plans' until she found the one- which was actually pretty normal looking- no ostentatious netting or glitter or sequins...just cotton knit with hearts- ok. Sold.

After arriving home from this excursion I noticed that I had managed to lose yes lose the picture order form that was sent home. Opps. I made the mistake of telling Princess this (double opps) she was in hysterics. Convinced that they would not let her get her picture taken. She was devastated. I called the office- the woman who answers the phones now I am on a first name basis with- and apologized and requested a new one- thankfully they had extras. We went a bit early and filled it out, wrote a check, and turned it in.... At last Princess was relieved that she would be allowed to have her picture taken.

I admit I am pretty fussy about the kids taking responsibility for their belongings so it was embarrassing on my part to have lost a needed paper. In my defense and this is pretty weak- the school sends home a small forest every day. Between newsletters- reminders-announcements- fund raisers- etc- we are not friends of the forests of the world. It is also at times hard to sort through the ''needed' forms and the good to know forms' and the schools 'junk mail'.

The next challenge was keeping her somewhat clean before pictures. Because of course it rained over night. I did not want to end up doing an emergency wardrobe change a la the first day of school. At least the drama of that day was still fresh enough in her mind for her to recall the feelings of that day...and she stayed off of the playground.

Peas Theme

If there are moments in your life that are defined my music it may be that some music defines you at certain points in your life. In that vein I have found Peas theme: "Please Don't Stop the Music" by Rhianna. Not the genre I typically am drawn too but it is by definition Peas. She loves to dance (aka spin) and shake her 20 month old baby booty.

Peas has the concept of an ipod firmly in place and does her little feet stamp hand clap grin whenever she sees one emerge- she knows what is next. A few problems with her adoration of music: she will beat on and not being gentle to this computer when a song ends- she is desperate for more- she thinks that all screens are touch screens as in the iTouch and gets exceptionally annoyed when they do not 'work'.

We have quite a variety of music on usually- Opera, pop, hip-hop, alternative, old rock, Janis, world music, Rock, U2, classical, show tunes, the kids are pretty eclectic in their appreciation of music. Peas though gets into it. She finds the pocket and goes right for it. She actually has pretty decent rhythm for a 20 month old.

Until the music stops and she errupts into a temper tantrum fit for a little one.

Not fun

Every six months a woman in the area has a Carters Sample Sale- like a designer sample sale for the under 7 crowd.

It is not for the feint hearted- as I learned the hard way today. There were some of the rudest moms and women I have EVER had the less than fortune of coming across- it took all I had not to say exactly what I thought of them to their faces- which would have felt great- but would have been a poor example for my children.

They were some of the greediest- self important asshat women I have ever met.

Two women took the VAST majority of ALL of the size 5 clothes for girls- all of them- it would be like taking an entire size 5 section at the store.

I get that the manners are a bit different with regards to how this sale works. You go take a ton of clothes and go through and pick what you want and put the rest back- but you do not take and ENTIRE section then horde it- hello bitch.

Next time I am not bringing the kids so I can say what I want to say without needing to feel guilty. Or I am bringing a bat...

NIPSTA pics

Ok so it took almost a week. I am lazy and a jerk.

I think this counts as sibling love

We walked to get Princess from kindergarten today as we do everyday- Peas fell asleep in the lurching stroller and Stinky gave a running commentary as to what we were passing which colors things were etc.

As we arrived at school we saw the other mama's assembled by the door that the kindergarten comes out of Stinky was happy to see his friends- the younger sibs of Princess's classmates.

When Princess came out of the door from school Stinky ran up and hugged her hard. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted him up into a super giant hug. Stinky then planted a little brother kiss on her cheek and said "I missed you, I really really missed you".

That show of sibling affection drew 'awws' from mamas and teacher alike- from me it drew laughter. They love each other but they also pick on each other and are experts at button pushing.

My thoughts were it may be sweet now but there will not be much missing and hugging later when I am asking them to please not throw each other down the stairs by the head- if you are going to throw someone down the stairs it is much more polite to use and arm (kidding). But seriously these rare (ok not so rare) moments of sibling affection refresh me and make me thing maybe- I am not screwing them up as much as I thought.

Well I gave up.

After forgetting another appointment and another play date I gave in and purchased one of the 'mom calenders' they type that I can hang on the fridge, has a line for each family member, and stickers for commonly occurring events. It also has a pocked to put invitations, cards, etc that I may need to remember associated events.

I have arrived in the stay at home mom world and this just seals my fate. I am a mom. My life is apparently exists to serve my children and provide food and transportation to their various social commitments.

To counter act this 'mom hood' I am feeling compelled to get my nose pierced or do something else non suburban stay at home mom- ish. I mean at some point I have begun to be trapped in the mommy-hood and now I have begun to have a problem being defined as a mom. I have the perennial garden, the minivan, car-seats, and the accompanying milk stains. There is a better chance of finding a diaper or a hair clippy in my purse than lipgloss. My shoes are sensible Naturalizer. My hair is perpetually ponytailed. I need to break out of the mom mold and find my own way agian.

Recurring dreams

Sometimes I dream. One in particular has been recurring lately and bugging me.

I am back in high school. In the rebuilt version of my old school (They started building a new school the year I graduated). I know where nothing is. I am lost- utterly lost. It is the start of a new year or semester and I get a new schedule and cannot remember it. Calc first period then physics then something but I can never get to the right class at the right time in the right room. I invariably end up in tears making my way to the office to beg for help. For some reason I never get help- or a new schedule- I do not know why- but it never happens.

So what does it mean?

Typically the other dream that I have over and over again happens when I am scarred and feel out of control. The one where I am back in Utah- present day- and I am trying to convince people I am well over 18.

There are some variations to the cast of characters in each dream but the overall theme is the same.

In talking to a friend the other day she indicated that she has odd dreams too- one where she did not do a good enough job and her patient then went to someone else in the same office.

So what does this dream mean?

Busy, exhausting, but fun day

Today was Public Safety Day at NIPSTA- aka a fantastic place for big boys and little boys play with lots of toys.

As we arrived we saw the tower ladder and aerial ladders being extended (and yes there is a difference between tower ladders and aerial ladders....) to hang a sign over the entrance. Then to add to the excitement the rhythmic thumping of helicopter blades approaching we had arrived at the perfect time to see the air medic helicopter land. Which made it that much more exciting.

We got to see so many cool things- the Communications truck that Daddy worked on- explore the helicopter- take rides in a police car with lights and sirens- ride in a street sweeper....more than that we got to watch a search and rescue dog search and find someone, then see a bomb sniffing dog, and police dog. In addition to that we got to see ladder rescue, live fire, car extrication, rope drills, forensics, a fire safety presentation and a ton more.

Princess is oddly interested in car extrication. Two years ago B took the kids to an open house at his firehouse and she was transfixed. This was back when I was working and I could not go with them but I heard all about it. Today was no different- we walked up and saw the guys start tearing apart the car. What made it more interesting is the were guys from B's department. The lieutenant helped Princess learn how to break out a rear window in car- with an ax. Yes I let my five year old use an ax to break a car window- no she was not hurt- she had a blast!

Stinky got dressed up in kids turn out gear and completed an obstacle course and 'put out a fire'. His little legs were to short to crawl while wearing the gear- it was so great- and he was so proud of himself. He also thought getting finger printed was pretty neat too.

Peas was just overwhelmed- she was just- well clingy.

All in all it was great. So great.

Pictures to come tomorrow- now- bed

Temper Temper!

Peas has temper tantrums down. She could write a book- you know if she could write- at least. She has the best pouty face with tears and a furrowed brow I have seen in a long time. Also she is not shy about using it- no outside? Collapse into a puddle of pout..

When she get angry- disappointed- overwhelmed whatever she kneels down and throws her torso to the ground protest style while emitting the shrill shriek that she has somehow the ability to make the loudest noise I think I have ever heard. Not only is it loud it also posses the ability to catapult anyone with out a heart of stone into acting. Something or someone is breaking her heart and she is letting the world at large know.

The problem is she is not very discretionary with these displays. Sidewalk, driveway, playground, living room- all have been stages for her dramatic display of toddler temper. At the moment it is fairly convenient as I am still (for the moment at least) bigger than her so I can pick her up and deal with the temper.

As she gets older I have visions of her throwing herself in racking sobs on to her bed at the smallest slight imagined or real.

I am just going to say it

I am in love. With my family with my children with my life. I'll admit that it has not worked out the way that I have planned. Far Far from my plans for my life. But I love it. As much as I complain and whine and fuss- I cannot say that there is a TON I'd change...sure it would be great to be more financially secure. Sure it would be great to have a bigger house a nicer bathtub but truth be told I love what I have.

It has been a lot of work getting here. It has been a lot of work building this family and keeping it together- and I could not absolutely could not do it alone.

8 Years.

America was changed that day. Lives were lost- lives were changed. I do not know anyone who was not changed in some way by the events of that day. This may very well be my generations version of Pearl Harbor- but we watched it live.

I have no way to talk about it that would make any sense to anyone. As a mother who would of course love to protect my kids from any evil/wrong doing/malevolence I struggle with the explanation of it. I can't explain it to myself let alone in terms that would make sense to a five year old- with regards to the why. They will never know a world without the airline security I have grown accustomed to. They will never see the Twin Towers on the way into Manhattan except for in archived images.

What they will know is a country that can band together remarkably well despite our differences. They will know that their father would give of himself to protect others- they will know how grateful I am for all who gave of themselves to help others- they will know that love and hope will and can overcome all of the hate in the world.

My children were not alive for 9/11 and I was not tangibly touched by it. My husband was not one of the hundreds of fireman who rushed to save the lives of individuals trapped who's first thought was not about getting the hell away- but getting there- to help- to save. But he could have been. I would have been crushed. But proud. As I am proud of him and what he does. I am so thankful for men and women like that. Every time I hear a siren I say a prayer for G-d to protect them- a prayer that they know how thankful I am for them.

My heart goes out to the children, spouses, and families of those lost. They gave and give too. They stood behind their loved one and supported them. They will not be forgotten.

So thank you. Thank you to all fire, police, medical, and soliders who give so much.

Not as bad as I thought

I have been waxed. The girly bit kind. All of it. All gone. On the recommendation of a friend I made an appointment and went ahead before I had the chance to chicken out.

Honestly it was not bad. I had worked myself up all day dreading this. Anticipating worse pain than childbirth, expecting a slew of awful words not fit for typing. a blood bath in my panties maybe, and what did I get? I think I said 'ow' once or twice. But that was about the extent of it. Yea it hurts but well ripping hair out by the root is going to. But it was a lot less than I expected. A lot.

The waxer was awesome. Erin at Zano's in Naperville on Ogden. She was fab. Chatted the entire way through. So weird that on the way home from their I realized she had seen parts of me that well are pretty private and chatted about minutiae the entire time and maybe that was a little odd.
She was also fantastically fast. Like lightening. awesome- no time to worry- no time to over analyze just over with.

But seriously who pays someone close to $100 to pull out your private parts hair by the root with hot wax? When looked at from that perspective it is a bit (more than a bit) odd- crazy even.
It is kind of weird to walk in say hi, basic introductions, take off your pants and then have her rip out your girly bit hair. Sadly I will say it was better and less painful then several first dates that I have previously been on.

No man (at least none that I have encountered) in their right mind would EVER willingly let someone rip out his hair there with hot wax. Let alone pay someone to do it. Us women are insane.

Pictures from the weekend away!

The above picture is not from our trip- I just really like it

I get to be divisive again!

Yay! (insert eyeroll here)

This started as a thought process on President Obama addressing the nations school children- and moved on in my mind rolling over and over in it until I need to get it out- jumbled mess of nonsensical thoughts that it may be.

Personally- I have no problem with the nations leader telling kids to take responsibility for their education- duh. I tell my five year old to take responsibility for her belongings all the time- her education is an extension of that. If kids are not going to be told that they have a gift, a talent, a something that should be developed- cherished and shared at home well someone should tell them that. Kids are individuals and special it is the collection of gifts that makes us great- not one of us.

If he pushed his politics or rhetoric on kids I may be more up at arms but from where I sit- he is taking the next generation of leaders and inspiring them to learn- to challenge themselves- to challenge that status quo- to expect better- which is how progress is made. Good for him.

So where is the divisive part? give me time grasshopper. So far I have been bombarded with 'opt out' slips and at least one phone call a night from a school district administrator. I appreciate wanting to protect my parental rights but I am aware of them and I do not need to have someone remind me over an over that I can choose to not subject my child to liberal speeches. This coming from a VERY conservative town.

So what? Then I came to think that the morals code that I have for myself is pretty conservative. But my voting record may not reflect that. Why? My morals are not everyone else's and I do not think it is my job to foist my morals on someone else (a key difference to understand in my head would be the difference between social mores/norms and moral conduct). I also happen to subscribe to the notion that morality cannot and should not be legislated. This is not to imply that I hate or look down on anyone. Far from it. Your life is your life- not mine. So where does that leave me? A closet conservative? A bleeding heart liberal? I suppose closer to the bleeding heart liberal. I hate the idea of others suffering because some would choose to abuse privilege- sure there are people who abuse the 'system' (and this pisses me off more than just about anything) but there are also people in genuine need- denying them because of the choices of others is certainly also not right. So quite a conundrum. One of the issues that I see is a lot of the people who are in genuine need are also some of the most helpless members of society who lack the means or ability to search out alternative methods of help- chief among them children.

Make any sense? didn't think so. What do you think??

Nutcracker Suite.

I am and was a total girl. A sucker for horses, tutus, and pretty dancing.
From before I can remember I took Ballet lessons. To this day first position, second position, and plie are part of my vocabulary that cannot be deleted.

One of the best things that I have associated with dance is the Nutcracker. Again since I was little my parents took me to see the Arie Crown Nutcracker at McCormick place in the city. That day was always magical: the orchestra the costumes, the dance, the story! When I started dancing at a ballet studio and we did a production of it I was beyond thrilled.

So I netflix'd the Gelsey Kirkland Nutcracker to introduce Princess to the magical story. I do not know who has been more mesmerized by the show- her or I.

Watching this is making me want to take ballet again- it happens every few months- I'll see a routine or a production and feel compelled to find a studio and take a class- even though I'll never be a gifted dancer- there is something to be said for the expression.

Now Princess is begging for ballet lessons too. If I could remember to catch the park district ones and sign her up I would in a heartbeat- however I am a champion procrastinator.

Understanding or lack there of

Well it was a holiday weekend. We got away. But sadness seemed to follow us.
I learned that one of my best sweetest friends in the world miscarried. I feel awful for her and her husband and children. I have been where she is. Broken, alone, angry, and so sad- that sad does not seem to even begin to cover it.

Baby O was loved desperately loved for even the short time that he or she was here. He or she was carried and nurtured by J and wanted. He or she will be missed.

I have lost a few pregnancies. It is not easy- it is not easy to explain that what to some is a blob of cells that is a potential baby to you is a baby- to you is a person. That from the moment two lines appeared you had begun adjusting your mind adjusting your thinking to include the family member.

A lot of people have said 'oh you do not deserve this' when someone is going through a loss- any loss a spouse, a grandparent, a miscarriage anything- well who does? Conversely I have wondered why B and I were able to get pregnant easily while so many struggled (who did not deserve to struggle)- the only thing I can think of is no one deserves to lose a baby any more than anyone deserves to have a baby. But I can look at my children and know that they were loved from the moment they were growing.

Cliques and Clacks

So princess started at kindergarten- that is old new- kinda.

There are already 'those' moms. You the moms who make mothering a competitive (and sometimes contact) sport. The ones who you (ok at least me) hated in high school. They know everything you know nothing- they have it all together- while you are barely treading water- they and their 'in group' are stuck in the high school mentality except now with husbands not boyfriends.

There are of course the PTA moms who look at me and expect me to participate and take an active role because well you know I stay home and therefore can fit it in--- fit it in my ass. I am pretty much single parenting these three kids, two dogs, two cats, and a tank full of who knows how many fish, and I can of course fit other commitments in. Sure when someone babysits so I can shower I'll be a part of your PTA. I'll get right on that.

Then there are the mom moms. These are the women who have been there done that and are just waiting and itching for their youngest to start school.

Of course that leaves quite a few of the 'rest of us' moms who are trying to navigate the kindergarten social scene and maybe make a few new mom friends of their own- bonus if the kids like each other.

For now I am content to sit on the sidelines and watch and laugh. I'll be the 'out there' mom the hippie mom with out the weed. A babywearing- green going- extended breastfeeding mom.

You didn't think I forgot now did you?

today is the official one week since the start of Kindergarten- and we have already ruined her chances for a perfect attendance award- she missed yesterday due to a pesky cold/cough that had her (and Stinky, Peas, and myself) up most (more like all) of the night before.

But since things have been kind of busy I managed to put of (and maybe possibly let it slip my mind) to post pictures of the historic occasion that was her first day in the educational system (this is something I am not sure about yet......)

A Childhood Classic Passed On

It is no secret that I love books. Usually the movie adaptions are pretty weak- with few exceptions.

One of these is "Anne of Green Gables" I do not know who made the movie but I recall it being on channel 11 when I was little.

First- this was one of my favorite novel series ever. I still have my well loved and dog-eared copies of these books. Anne was one of the first heroines that I truly loved- I identified with her not the orphan part but the looking for 'kindred spirit' and her sense of imagination.

Second- the movie series stuck remarkably close to the books (until the third movie) and it came alive for me.

I remember looking at the Sunday Chicago Tribune TV guide and being thrilled when it would be shown on Channel 11 (PBS).

One visit to the library browsing through the kids dvds and I noticed they had the dvd series. I was thrilled. My heart soared. Memories of Mrs. Grass Chicken Noodle Soup and the burnt orange sofa in my parents family room came flooding back.

Immediately I checked it out. Then the ambivalence started. Should I watch it? What if it was not as I remembered and my childhood memories lose their magic? So I did not watch it that time.

Every time I visited the dvd section of the Young Peoples Department I looked at it- and considered. This last week I checked it out. Today we watched it. Princess sat rapt- watching Anne grow and I could see in her eyes the affection that I felt for the character. The magic of my memories live on. Stronger than ever now- I got to share one of the pleasures of my upbringing with my daughter and she does not even have to wait for the TV guide to announce that it was on.

For some reason

I have not been really good at keeping up here.... no good reason comes to mind immediately I suppose just plain laziness would have to be the culprit.

Last week it was pretty miserable in the Chicago Metro area. Rainy- wet- cold- icky- unlike typical August weather that has you sitting in front of the freezer dreaming of February.

So we were forced to find ways to entertain ourselves that were not the pool or other typical summer activities. One place we have found that guarantees at least an hour or so of fun is Airtastic. What could be better? an indoor warehouse filled with inflatables: among them a giant slide several obstacle courses....when we go there the kids are sure to wear themselves out- which I love because sleeping kids are quiet kids and I can get a breather too.

On one of the nicer days we braved the Arboretum. I know I have waxed lyrical about it and the fun we have there. The interesting part is for the number of times we are there we have not actually gotten out of the Children's Garden. There is so much to do and explore there. Here are some of the pictures from our day there.

Next on the planner-

Last Friday to celebrate the completion of Princess's first week of school we went to an Art Studio for kids in Roselle. One of my friends had told me about this place and raved about it. It on the sounded like it could be fantastic my kids love messy art play and this was a chance for them to do it and me not to have to clean up all of the mess... everyone wins- right?

Well it was great. Stinky acted a little nuts because there were so many choices of things to do- he literally ran from one station to another hardly able to stop and do something. Princess loved it- it was right up her alley. She could exercise her creativity to her little hearts content and have ball creating new projects. Peas even loved it. Mess? Of course! Her problem was she was just not tall enough to reach all of what she wanted to do.

How did this mama fair? it was ok. Most of the projects were things we do at home anyway- we paint here- why pay to go somewhere else to do that? I suppose I would have liked it more if there were more 'exotic' for lack of a better term things to do. The kids though loved it and are asking to go back again. So I suppose I just need to get over myself on that one.

I would be remiss if I did not share pictures though!

First things first

I need to apologize I have had a few people comment and comments not go through for me to approve them. I am sorry if yours was lost.