Understanding or lack there of

Well it was a holiday weekend. We got away. But sadness seemed to follow us.
I learned that one of my best sweetest friends in the world miscarried. I feel awful for her and her husband and children. I have been where she is. Broken, alone, angry, and so sad- that sad does not seem to even begin to cover it.

Baby O was loved desperately loved for even the short time that he or she was here. He or she was carried and nurtured by J and wanted. He or she will be missed.

I have lost a few pregnancies. It is not easy- it is not easy to explain that what to some is a blob of cells that is a potential baby to you is a baby- to you is a person. That from the moment two lines appeared you had begun adjusting your mind adjusting your thinking to include the family member.

A lot of people have said 'oh you do not deserve this' when someone is going through a loss- any loss a spouse, a grandparent, a miscarriage anything- well who does? Conversely I have wondered why B and I were able to get pregnant easily while so many struggled (who did not deserve to struggle)- the only thing I can think of is no one deserves to lose a baby any more than anyone deserves to have a baby. But I can look at my children and know that they were loved from the moment they were growing.